Meditating is not something that I come to easily. Prior to my commitment to learn and live with Ayurveda I avoided meditation whenever possible when it was offered at the the end of yoga class. In fact, just this past winter when I was at Kripalu, most mornings and afternoons I would finish a really yummy yoga class and the instructor would offer that anyone who wanted could remain for some extra time to meditate. But, my stomach was already at breakfast or supper and I rolled up my mat and hightailed it out of there.

It would have been good for me to stay and meditate.

I knew that it would help with my anxiety. I knew it would help with my general wellbeing. And yet, every chance I had I ran from meditating.

You see, I was not really wanting to stop and listen to what was going on inside my head. I was terrified of sitting with the silence.

But, when I began my course I also committed to doing meditation for 20 minutes twice a day. TWICE A DAY!! Oh the agony! I struggled by myself for the first month (tortured myself would be a better way to put it), and did some guided meditations before finally settling down and taking the meditation course offered with my class.

I loved it

I hated it

I’m still not sure how I feel about it. But, I do know that I’m meditating twice a day now and that I find ways to fit it into the day instead of finding ways to avoid it.

My daughter, who is 8, asked me about a month ago if she could start meditating with me. I knew I was in no position to show her how to meditate properly being so new at it myself. But, I also didn’t want to discourage her. I didn’t explain to her the deep meanings of mantras, I didn’t describe to her how when you really relax into meditation you may see images. I simply told her to lie beside me and close her eyes and say the word love, love, love over and over in her mind. We set the timer and away we went.

I tried to focus on my mantra (but mostly focused on what we had had for supper, the fun I’d had with the kids at the pool, when did we have to go back to school shopping, how much laundry did I have to catch up on, if that itch on my back was going to drive me insane before the 20 minutes was up…)

When we were done, Jenna turned to me and said “I thought I’d feel lonely and bored while I lay there. But I didn’t. I said love, love, love, over and over and I saw you beside me and we went to the kitchen and made naan bread and hugged and were together. I really liked it.”

There, she broke through barriers I can only hope to find in my mind. Her openness is so refreshing. She talked about it so much that my son, who is 12, started joining us as well. We started doing Deva Primal’s 21 day meditation together and they actually look forward to the time of the evening when we will gather together and meditate.

I am so incredibly grateful for this gift. To learn to sit and meditate. love, love love,

Namaste