Monday morning I was exceptionally stressed and anxious. This is something I do well – being stressed and anxious. I like to find things to worry about when I should be remembering to breathe and laugh. In my defense, right now there is a lot going on in our house and it is filled with stress and anxiety (not entirely my own). There is nowhere to escape and nowhere to breathe it feels sometimes.

I was sitting at the kitchen table having my breakfast and looking out at the mountain trying to live in the moment and breathe and do all the things I knew I should be doing. What I was really doing was sitting there thinking “OMG, how am I ever going to get through this day and not go crazy from the stress? I feel like there’s an elephant on my back. I can’t breathe. I think I’m having a panic attack, maybe I’m going to die.”

Then I took a deep breath and said to myself “ok self – what are you going to do?”

And my heart responded immediately with “go outside for a walk.”

Even then I had to play the doubt game and ask “really? Can’t I just go downstairs and go on the elliptical and watch something on the IPad?”

“No, go outside.”

I have done a good job of ignoring my inner self these past few years and that morning I decided to continue on my new path of listening and healing. So, I went for a walk.

I loved it! It was beautiful and peaceful. There were a few other people on the trail and most of them greeted me with a friendly smile and a “good morning”. The ones who didn’t were jogging and looked like they were about to die – I didn’t expect them to be able to wheeze out a ‘morning.

Every morning this week I have made the drive to the Roanoke River for my morning walk. Every morning there’s something different and something enjoyable. 4 of the mornings I have snuck up on a heron who is irrationally irritated by my presence. He doesn’t seem to mind the other people walking along the path, but he hates that I stop to look at him. He scream/swears at me and flies across the river and gives me irritated looks. I found a litter of kittens playing in the rocks (their house was along the river). I found a whole society of early morning walkers who go out with smiles on their faces and who greet the day. And now, I’m one of them.

Interestingly I feel happier and less anxious after my walks. Already I feel this even though I’ve only been doing it for 6 days. It takes longer than that for antidepressants to kick in – just sayin’. I am a firm believer in avoiding any medication if at all possible. This kind of self-care has a huge pay-off.

It’s a rainy and dreary day here today. The best kind of day to slow down and sit by the fire and read (or blog). It’s nice to have the space to breathe!