happiness

Bad boy boot camp 

Drishti is being a total turd lately. So much so that he’s been put in bad boy boot camp – and he’s not a fan of this at all. 

It’s interesting this work we are doing – I need to command his respect, and also his trust. So I have to make him listen to me, and also build a relationship with him based on trust and respect. 

It’s a work in progress. Slowly but surely we are making progress. 


He forces me to keep working at it when I get scared or frustrated and want to give up because I want to have this relationship. It helps me find the determination to keep moving forward – a good skill for the rest of my life. 

Timely too as I’m feeling really overwhelmed. This whole financial black hole that Mr. X has thrown at us is exhausting. It’s made me remember that at the end of the day I have to learn to count on myself to look after the kids in every way – and that is overwhelming, scary, and t seems the next necessary step ahead. 

Things keep changing and I’m grateful that I’m getting stronger so I can keep on walking. Drishti helps me figure out the steps – and that is happiness. 

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happiness

The babies turn 16

When I was pregnant with the boy we joined a birth and baby class at the hospital. It was 8 weeks with half the focus on pregnancy and half on newborns. My kid was considerate and was born at exactly the half way mark. 

For the first year a bunch of us did weekly playgroups which gave us overtired and overwhelmed moms an outing. There was a first birthday party, and a 10 birthday party (which we missed because we were living away). 

Today we had the 16th birthday party for these babies. And all but three showed up which was pretty amazing. 


And a shot of all the siblings 


It was interesting how these kids who have no memory of each other, and us parents who have vague memories, were all able to come together and laugh and visit and share stories 

I consider moments like this to be huge blessings. It’s a special kind of happiness. It comes from good old memories, love for our kids, and sharing of happy times. 

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Breathe, slow down, smile

The girl finished the last of her exams today – she still has “school” next week, but it’s all fun stuff like swimming and sports day. The stress of exam week is over and the kids can breathe, slow down, and smile. It’s been a hard week. Both kids really want to do well in their classes, both struggle with reading which makes it that much more difficult. The boy has excellent support in place at his school and I’m hoping the girl will get more soon as well. But they both work hard and learn lots and that is what is important.

And now.. some fun. It’s time for that. I’m glad that things can slow down a bit now. Happiness is found in the little moments and when we slow down we are able to enjoy those little moments more.

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Grade 10 graduate

The boy wrote his last exam today and is officially on summer vacation. I can’t believe my baby is finished grade 10 – where did all that time go?

He laughed at me this morning and said I’m going to be just like you were in grade 11 mom. I hope you’re ready for that.

Grade 11 was not my finest moment. But I did remind him that I had to work like hell to make up for essentially doing nothing for an entire semester in order to graduate on time.

I am so proud of this kid. He has worked so hard and is such an amazing young man. That is happiness complete.

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Girl chats

I have a standing coffee date with my soul sister every Wednesday afternoon. We are living parallel lives which is both freaky and very cool at the same time. It’s amazing how long we need to talk since essentially the same things are happening in our lives – yet the time we share is never enough.

I am so grateful to have someone to walk this weird and wild path with. I have a couple of girlfriends actually who are on this same road and I don’t know what I would do without them. I can’t imagine what would have happened to the kids and I had all the stuff gone down the way it did and we were living away from our tribe.

Whenever I get impatient with God because things aren’t healed enough I look around at the amazing people I have in my life and I’m so grateful. That is happiness.

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Practice time 

This evening I took some time and practiced what my friend had shown me yesterday. You could call it either a game of “which one of us is going to be dominant in this relationship” or “which one of us is more stubborn”. I won tonight’s episode. He’s a good guy, and a smart guy, but also a lazy one who doesn’t want to be worked. We will change that. My friend said it’s kind of like working with a teenager and she was spot on. He would rather be in the field eating and hanging with his friends, but when I force him to do something he discovers he kind of likes it.

I have waited what seems like a lifetime for this guy and I’m so grateful he’s in my life. He brings me peace and happiness, he also helps me heal, let go of fear, find strength, and connect with God.

That’s happiness.

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Working together 

Today was dedicated to remembering the importance of my tribe, of keeping connected to a group of people in my life, to working together.

I had an old friend come out this morning and give me some help with Drishti. Both he and I needed a crash course in the importance of ground manners, and I needed to be reminded that I am the boss and he needs to respect that. She spent a lot of time with him reminding me of what I needed to be doing to make sure I have a decent horse to bond with. My relationship with him is important and it’s vital that we have clear boundaries and that he understands the rules. For me it was remembering that I need to jump in without fear and with love.

The afternoon was spent on some work things which also involves building relationships and having faith in myself. This evening I went for supper with a dear friend and we talked about everything you could possibly imagine – the poor server at the restaurant. Then we went to Women Empowering Women in Cochrane for a very powerful and emotional evening. Mental health was the topic, and there were lots of messages and emotions that came out of the evening for me – but the thing that stuck with me the most was how important it is to be vulnerable. If someone is brave enough to share their story it opens the door for others to share theirs as well – also for people to ask for help. People opened up tonight in ways that brought me to tears. We have had our own share of difficulties in our home, but everyone certainly has their own struggles and pain. Some of the stories are heartbreaking.

But the important thing is that we were all there sharing, being vulnerable, learning, not judging. It was magic and powerful.

We all depend on each other and when we can open up enough to let someone in – that is happiness.

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