happiness

More than a feeling

Father’s Day weekend is a challenging one in our house. We all miss my dad, and the kids see their friends celebrating their dads and it hits home that their dad not only isn’t present in their lives, but is actively trying to sabotage their safety and sense of peace.

Joy and sadness often travel together and Father’s Day is no exception. The best revenge is a life well lived, and that’s the only revenge I am interested in these days.

How can anyone doubt the existence of God when the world looks like this? I get upset with God at times, but I always know he’s walking beside me. I am so grateful that we are back here where we belong. I am grateful every day, but intentionally so this weekend, for the wonderful men in our lives who show my kids that men are good, strong, kind, wise, people of integrity.

My dad would be happy to see the man my boy is turning into.

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happiness

Branding and a bbq

We had full out family and community (which really is mostly family anyway) events today with a branding and a bbq. After cold, crappy weather yesterday, and not a great forecast for today I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was perfect.

I mean seriously, how blessed are we that this is our life?

And I had great visits with people I haven’t seen in a long time.

It was a good day.

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happiness

And canter

It may sound stupid but after 20 years off of riding and then a big wreck a couple of years ago I’ve been scared to canter.

One of my favorite childhood memories is galloping across a field at the ranch praying my horse didn’t trip in a gopher hole. Even a couple of years ago I was cantering around in one of the fields with my Drishti. that feeling of freedom – there’s nothing like it.

There is that saying that you need to get back on your horse as soon as you fall off. There’s a reason for that. I did get on about a month after, but it was over a year before I could really ride again. Too long to let fears sit.

But the great thing about being human is that not only do we hurt, but we also have an amazing ability to heal. When placed in a safe, loving environment where you can trust and depend on those around you, it’s possible to heal from almost everything.

And so I cantered.

Not well, not elegantly, but I did it. And I’ll do it again. And every time I do it I will be stronger and better. Sometimes it won’t be graceful, sometimes it won’t feel like I know what I’m doing. But I’ll keep doing it. Because that’s how we keep healing.

I thought I was broken, but I think actually we are unbreakable. Sometimes we just need help to heal.

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happiness

Mother’s Day 2019

Mother’s Day is bittersweet still. It’s my second one without mom, I still expect to see her everywhere. But I also celebrate being a mom to these two amazing little turkeys who aren’t little (or turkeys).

We got some yard work done today, it was gorgeous out and it felt good to attack some of the chores we needed to get done. It’s just so nice to be outside and enjoying the warm weather.

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Seafood and Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is still kind of a bittersweet holiday. I love being celebrated by my kids, but I sure miss my mom.

I was really grateful that my cousin and her family invited us over for supper tonight. My girl went over early and spent the afternoon helping cook the feast. She did her speciality – lobster bisque – and together they all put together quite the feast.

I am so thankful that we are part of this tribe

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