That’s who I used to be

I stopped at Planet Organic tonight to get a few items – giant jug of maple syrup among them. 

At the till the man asked for my name, but when I gave it to him it didn’t bring up my customer number. I fished out the card, he turned the screen as he swiped so we could see what name came up. 

When I saw the name I said oh that’s who I used to be. He laughed and asked if I wanted him to change it (I did). Then he said that’s who I used to be – I like that. I wish I could change myself sometimes too. 

And I told him it’s possible to change yourself without needing a name change. You just have to do it. 

Then he told me how to make candied nuts with the ton of maple syrup I had bought. He said I could add nut lady onto my list of changed names. 

I like it. Weird conversations that make me laugh. It’s happiness. 


Small changes bring big results

I had the opportunity that allowed me to reflect on what my life would be like now if I hadn’t started making small changes all those years ago. I would be someone I  wouldn’t recognize – in fact even when I look back on that old life I can’t believe that was me.

I think about the day I fell on the floor and prayed for change, it was almost 6 years ago, after the incident at Canadian Thanksgiving. It seemed like change took forever to happen, yet here we are now living a life completely different life. Small changes, big results.

What if I was that person I used to be still? I’d be broken. Totally and completely broken. Living a life I wasn’t made for, pretending to be someone else, lost and sad.

Sometimes I feel like it takes too long for the changes to occur – I get impatient. I’ve been working for this better life for so long. The boy reminded me the other day mom – you yourself said that sometimes God has to wait until you’re totally broken apart so He can put you back together. And that’s true. I’m so damn stubborn, it takes a lot before I’ll accept the help I need. This shoulder thing has been a good lesson for me in learning to accept help and appreciate the kindness of those around me. Today, on week 8 after my fall, a neighbour is still bringing us a weekly meal. Every single Monday she’s shown up with something for us. Talk about an act of kindness.

All those small changes brought Drishti into my life. He was my drishti years before I knew he existed.

If you don’t know how he came to have his name – here’s a recap:

A dristhi is a specific point of focus that is used during meditation or while holding a yoga pose. The reason for the focal point is due to the belief that where our gaze is directed, our attention naturally flows. It is a way of looking for the Divine everywhere, and it allows us to see God in everything. It blocks out the clutter and noise, and keeps our intention set on what is important.  Focus all of your attention on your drishti and all the chaos of the world disappears and you are able to connect with God. 

For me, horses always have been my spiritual vehicle. When things were bad and I was so out of balance, I prayed for and focused my attention (set my drishti) on having a horse to ride again. So, when through a series of miracles this horse came to my life I knew his name was Drishti. He makes the chaos of my world disappear so I can focus on what is important.

If it weren’t for all the small changes, this wouldn’t be my life now. And I love my life now. And that is happiness.




Kick sugar 

I spent part of the day going over menues with the girl today. She is on board with me and we are kicking sugar to the curb for the next month as we make better food choices. 

It’s perfect because it comes right before she and I were going to begin the 90 day wellness transformation that is part of my course. While we usually had pretty whole, healthy food; things got kind of siderailed when we moved back and then things got really bad when I broke myself and couldn’t cook. Well, except for the awesome meals that family and friends brought over. 

So we are inspired to get back to our roots and make better food choices. We both realize they make us feel better – we are happier when we eat pure foods. There is an amazing difference between how we feel on real food vs how we feel on processed crap. 

So we planned, shopped, and cooked. And now meals are planned out full of good choices. That is happiness 


Old time fun at the Hall

We celebrated the 90th anniversary of the Jumping Pound Community Hall today. It’s a building that has held generations of people from this community – we’ve had showers, dances, receptions, parties, birthdays, New Years celebrations, Santa has come to Christmas parties – we have laughed, cried, and loved in this building. It holds lots of good memories for lots of people out here. 

I’m so blessed to be part of this huge tribe. Stuff like this – it’s happiness. 



I don’t think you ever get so old you don’t need your parents. The specific needs may change, but that relationship is (or should be) the first one you ever form with another person and are safe in the knowledge that they love you and would do anything to provide a safe and happy life for you. 

It’s the model my parents gave me as I was growing up. And although I miss my dad every day, I treasure the memories he left me with. I am beyond grateful that we are back home and I get to have a daily relationship with my mom again. We really all need each other – that tribe – to stay strong and to know love. 

I’m so grateful for the love, strength, and support my mom gives me every single day.  It reminds me to turn around and give that same gift to my kids and it all flows round in a circle of love. That is happiness. 


Old time memories

I went into the Home Hardware in town today to get burlap sacks that could be used in a sack race to be held during a party we are holding at the Hall this weekend. Thank goodness for Home Hardware – the store that holds everything – because those sacks are harder to find than one might think.

I was explaining to the store clerk that I needed them for a sack race and she said I haven’t done one of those races since we used to go to the horse show at Beaupre years ago. I said I used to go to those shows too! And then we were standing in the aisle for a good half hour sharing old time memories.

I’ve done a lot of showing over the years – including some A circuit shows and had a few turns at Spruce Meadows (in their smaller rings) – but to this day my favourite memories are of going to shows like the one they used to hold at Beaupre. There were “real” events like flat classes and some over fences stuff, but the best ones were the “fun” events like pole bending, musical tires (how we didn’t all die during that one I”ll never understand), and potato sack races. SO MUCH FUN

And so easy and simple. Just a bunch of crazy kids and our horses – and equally crazy parents who got up super early and got us to the show. Good times. Happiness.