happiness

Easter 2020

Like most of us, we had a much different Easter this year. For the last few years we have been creating a new tradition by going to Victoria and attanding service at the Christ Church Cathederal -which really is ressurecting my old childhood traditions (see what I did there?).

So, while we dream of a moment like this one

Instead we have a moment like this one

And that kind of sums up 2020 so far – not exactly what we expected or had really wanted.

However, instead of walking the logs on the beach, having tea at Murchie’s, going to Buchart Gardens, and having my annual visit with my dear friend, we are doing different things. We are studying, playing cards, visiting, playing, and spending time really talking about the deep things in our lives. That is also a blessing. We are healthy – that is a huge blessing. We are home, safe, and loved.

We are also thinking of those who are sick, or home alone, This is a time for hope and celebration, but also a time for love and showing kindness where possible (and it’s always possible).

Happy Easter – everything will be ok ❤️

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happiness

Bears and eagles and calves (oh my)

The boy and I took the dogs out for a walk today which made us all smile. It’s been so gross the last few days we haven’t really wanted to go out at all, but we decided it was good for our mental health to get some fresh air. And it was good for us, and for the dogs who didn’t stop smiling the whole time.

I feel very blessed that although we are unable to go anywhere with social distancing, we are able to get outside here and kind of reset our souls. We came across my nephew and the cousins got to have a distance appropriate visit yelling at each other. I saw two bald eagles fly overhead (I love those birds). And we got to see the pregnant cows and a few of their new babies. All the signs of spring except for the snow on the ground – and in Alberta that is also kind of a sign of spring!

Happiness can be found in tiny moments during the day. I remember discovering this when I started this blog years ago and I would spend the entire day searching for a moment of happiness in the dark life I was living. Sometimes those moments just happen, and sometimes we make them happen. But what I know for sure is that true happiness, the inner peace kind of happiness, that comes from within and from our connection to God, or our Higher Power.

Bear- happiest dog in the world!
Cousin visit social distancing style
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happiness

Checking in

This morning the chaplain at the school the girl goes to called home to make sure she was doing ok and to let her know that she could call at any time if she wanted. We all ended up talking to her for a good 10 minutes and when it was over the mood of the house was much more peaceful. I’m sure part of that is because she goes to a smaller, Catholic school, but part of that is that their chaplain is just really awesome. My kids have both always spoken so highly of her. But to think of the time she gave to call all of her “kids” just to make sure they were doing ok – that’s a pretty exceptional teacher.

And actually, one of the boy’s instructors from SAIT set up video calls with each student individually, and when he got off his the boy said it also was a mental health check in. He said the instructor didn’t talk about class, but wanted to make sure he was doing ok

I’ve been seeing some really beautiful things in this, people reaching out, people really sharing. I’ve had many of my people check in on me (virtually), and I’ve been trying to do the same. There really is a lot of love in the world and it seems as though that light shines even brighter in this darkness.

Everything is going to be ok ❤️

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happiness

Social Distancing – ranch style

I got myself out for a drive today. The last few days have given me a lot of insight as to how mom must have felt most of her life- not able to go out and be with people with out a lot of planning going into it (not that I’m actually seeing people, that was her – but I’ve been able to understand a lot better now how she felt). Granted her reasons were different, but it was a virus related (polio) illness that changed her life.

However, as far as isolation goes, we are socially distanced at one of the best places in the world in my opinion. As I was driving, I looked at the cows getting ready to calf, the snow, the mountains, the mud even. I felt an appreciation for things that I haven’t felt in a while. God really gave us a beautiful world to live in and to look after.

The Homestead
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happiness

Day 9 from Grandma’s kitchen

We’ve been practicing social distancing since last Wednesday which makes this day 9 of being home (we did go out twice quickly to get groceries which was an experience).

Last Wednesday I had a messenger chat with my cousin in Rome and began to understand what was on the way for us here in Canada. I let it roll around in my head until Thursday morning when I kept the kids home from school and headed out to get groceries (not to hoard, but for our weekly supply). And then we stayed home.

When things were at their worst in my marriage and our lives were in danger, this was the place I wanted to come to. This kitchen, this house, is my safe place and it always has been. So in the midst of global chaos it remains where I feel we are safest.

Which does not mean we aren’t missing the outside world. Even as an introvert I’m starting to miss the company of others. But I strongly feel we have a social responsibility to keep each other safe.

This kitchen that I feel so safe in – it was built after mom had polio and fell walking into their old kitchen using her crutches. So while it’s a safe and happy place, it’s a reminder too of what a virus can do and how it can alter a life forever.

In the midst of this uncertainty I’m working to remember all that I’m grateful for. I’m thankful for our home, our family, the people working at the grocery stores, truck drivers, doctors, nurses, our government, all the people staying home to let the virus pass. Humans have an infinite ability to show love and kindness.

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happiness

Never give up

I started the day out in tears. I saw that there was finally a posting of payment to MEP for our support (that was due by the first). It is $3,000 below his required payment for the month, so as you can imagine is not enough to pay the bills, buy the groceries, and do the other things that the kids need. This is on top of the over $75,000 he is in arrears for.

So I cried. I cried for me, I cried for the kids. What it says to them is how completely unimportant they are to him, how little their safety, security, and futures matter, and how his own enjoyment will always be the top priority. Just like it always has been. I cried because while the courts make orders, they aren’t enforcing them, and are thereby allowing and encouraging his behaviour. I cried because it affects my ability to do my school, to build a new future where I am able to look after us, to regain what I lost. I cried because it feels like God has forgotten about us.

On the way to school this morning we took the backroad like always, and laughed at how drifted over it was. About half way we stopped laughing and started to wonder if we were going to get through. My girl said it didn’t look that bad when we started. And I laughed and said that’s what I say part way through all my bad ideas.

And then we noticed the biggest drift of all, with a car off the road, a school bus stuck in it, a truck behind that (not stuck) and trucks on the other side. And we were stuck figuratively. We couldn’t go back because I wasn’t sure we could turn around, forget make it through the drifts again, we couldn’t go ahead until the road was cleared. So we had to wait.

We sat, watched, laughed, called the school to say she’d be late, and just were. Then finally the bus was pulled out, the truck got through, and it was our turn. There is no way my car should have made it, but we barrelled through and made it to the other side laughing. The tow truck driver waved us over to tell us how amazed he was at our car.

And just like that I thought – never give up– that’s my motto for the year. It needs to be applied to everything I set my intention to. He will not win in destroying my family, my future, my dreams. I will not give up. I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but I will keep trying until my kids and I are where we need to be.

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