dolce far niente

The sweetness of doing nothing

We are sick today – all of us. Chills, stuffy nose, upset tummy, we’ve got it covered.

And so I spent the day on the couch… watching Mama Mia, Mama Mia here we go again, and lastly Eat, Pray, Love

Mama Mia because the movies make me happy, and who doesn’t love ABBA?

Eat, Pray, Love because it was one of the first books I read on my journey towards discovering my inner light.

When she’s in Italy she discovers the sweetness of doing nothing, or il dolce far niente. Today we put that thought to practice and rested, did nothing, watched tv shows we love, shared space, and actually let go of some of the stress of life.

Hopefully tomorrow brings much better health and we can also enjoy the sweetness of doing – but it was a real treat to just revel in the moment of doing nothing.


Embrace the season

We put up our tree today. I’m still going back and forth between knowing Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and knowing that this year is my first Christmas as ah orphan (just an old one).

The kids make me remember why I want to celebrate Christmas. We all need the reminder of the birth of Christ and the love of family.

And as soon as the kitchen was Christmas decorated we felt the Christmas spirit. It’s all about the love


Buzz off

Years ago the kids and I saw Pinkalicious the musical when we were living in Roanoke. I think the kids were 7 and 11. It was a long time ago.

It was the cheesiest musical, but for some dorky reason we were all really into it, and we still sing one of the songs on a regular basis

Tonight the boy and I looked that song – Buzz Off – on YouTube and laughed until we cried.


It’s a good reminder that the small moments become big memories. We have carried the laughter and fun from that evening for almost 7 years.

Life happens in the small moments


Out hometown

More and more the kids are expressing how at home they feel here. They’ve said that previously they always felt like there was no point in putting down roots since they knew we were always moving.

But now, here, in cochrane, they’ve built their own tribe. They’ve got the family one they were lucky enough to be born into, and my lifelong friends, but they’re making their own circle as well.

The girl said today on her way to a party how she now feels like no matter where life takes her she’s got a home here.

Thank goodness for that. We have been seeking grounding and stability for most (all) of their lives. Funny how we had to return to what we left to find it.


More goodbyes

Today my beautiful Drishti went to his new home. It’s sad, I’m heartbroken, but it is so much better for him. He’s found himself a home with an owner who is a much better fit for him. I think that’s one of the hardest things about loving – is knowing we don’t own those we love. If they’re better somewhere else or with someone else the most loving thing we can do is let them go.

And so I did.

And it will be so much better for him, and it will be better for me too. We both deserve to be with a partner who is a better match for us.

It sucks – he was a dream I’d had for a long time – hence the name Drishti. But to be honest, over the last year and a half with all the loss and change in my own life my drishti – my focus – has changed as well. And I need to honour that. I’ll get another horse but it won’t be right away.

The most Canadian way possible to load a horse. With the aid of a hockey stick.


Father Brown

The boy was having an I miss nana day today. This time last year she was so sick and so much happened we all haven’t had time to really process her death.

So he decided to spend the afternoon binge watching Father Brown – which was one of their shows.

That kid really loved his nana. Almost every day he would go over and visit her. Sometimes for a few minutes, but often they would spend hours together – talking, having tea, watching tv.

It’s a special relationship kids have with their grandparents. One of my most important relationships was with my own grandma so I know how they feel and how great the loss of their grandparents is.

But, there are these memories, these special ways of celebrating and remembering the love that was shared. Thank goodness for that.


Explain yourself

I was telling the kids today how someone close to me had spent a lot of time trying to explain their actions – maybe justify their actions is a better way to put it. The boy looked at me and said

You should never have to explain your actions to someone else. If you’re doing the right thing – there’s never any explanation for your actions needed. Look at Grandpa – he never had to explain or justify what he did or who he was – he lived with integrity and you never had to doubt that what he said and what he did was the right thing.

I was so proud of my kid for picking up on that and understanding what it means to live by your word. I’m so grateful that my kids had my dad as a role model for as long as they did.