Just be

It’s gorgeous out today and the boy and I took the dogs out for a walk along the ridge.

Aside from the amazing view, it’s a special place for me as I used to walk there with dad, as did my boy.

It’s so peaceful to just be in nature, just be with the animals, just be together, just be.

Life doesn’t have enough moments where we can just be. Just be still. Just breathe. Just be grateful. Just be with God


Treasure your life

Today we had a very emotional service as we said goodbye to my cousins’ mom. It was an amazingly beautiful service and so touching the way they honoured their mom.

Her presence was very much felt in the church as we were walked through one of the most vulnerable and honest tributes I have been witness to.

There is a lot to be said for us all being in a place where our walls come down and we are so open and raw in our sharing of emotions – and the entire church was enveloped in that today. It was a very rare and spiritual gift.

In the slideshow they had a photo of both of our moms together and I thought how fitting it was. They developed a friendship in the years mom took classes at the university that they both cherished, and they are together again now in heaven.

Watching people you love be in pain when you know exactly what that pain feels like is brutal. It’s really hard losing your mom. But they did such an amazing job of sharing their love with us.

It was beautiful. And the fact that they were able to make it so their mom actually sang (from a recording obviously) at her own funeral was absolutely priceless.


Bluebird text

I got a text from mom’s past caregiver saying she’d seen her first bluebird of the year and it made her think of my mom.

Since we were kids, mom had a deal that the first person to see a bluebird got a chocolate bar. Back then this was a big deal as my parents were pretty stingy with the chocolate (and all other types of sugar) so we had a lot of incentive.

As we got older, the chocolate got better and the competition increased in intensity.

Last year I gave my niece a chocolate bar for the first sighting, and this year it goes to my friend.

It’s awesome that these traditions carry on.


Important visits

I had tea tonight with one of mom’s caregivers. I hadn’t seen her since moms funeral and as we were chatting I realized how important these visits are. She was like family for the time she was there with us, then suddenly she was gone.

Relationships may take work, good ones for sure, but the pay off is so worth is. We need each other, all of us do, and keeping those bonds solid is important.


Marianne Williamson cram session

I haven’t been feeling great this weekend so I’ve been laying low as much as possible.

I took advantage of the time and spent the weekend reading and watching Marianne Williamson. I’ve been obsessed with her (and A Course in Miracles) for a while and the more I learn the more I want to learn.

I feel like I’ve spent so much of my life in fear and all these teachings show that the only thing that is real is love. So fear is an illusion. My soul craves this, it understands it on a deep level.


Spring Break kick off

The monsters had their last day of school today and now are officially on spring break. Even with a couple of long weekends it really feels like it’s been a long, cold end to winter. But the last few days the sun has been shining and now everyone gets a bit of a chance to recharge. They work really hard at school and it’s a very well deserved break for both of them.


For you

I was really missing dad this afternoon. The weather is warming up, we are (hopefully) nearing spring. Soon the swans will fill the slough and the calves will be born. Spring was dad’s season.

When I was here, he’d drag me around the fields looking for crocuses, watching the calves, giving gratitude for life. When I was away he’d send me photos of all of those things so that I remembered. So that I remembered gratitude for all that God has gifted us.

I put John Denver on my Spotify because when I hear him, or hear ABBA, I feel dad. And I listened.

A song came up that I don’t recall hearing before – which is amazing because dad played that music continuously when I was a kid.

The song is called For You, and I think it is a beautiful expression of love. This is how we should love and be loved.

I had a moment of gratitude towards both Johns (my dad and Denver) for the reminder of how love is what it’s all about. I hope they’re jamming together in heaven.

For You

John Denver

Just a look in your eyes again

Just to lay in your arms

Just to be the first one always there for you

Just to live in your laughter

Just to sing in your heart

Just to be everyone of your dreams come true

Just to sit by your window

Just to touch in the night

Just to offer a prayer each day for you

Just to long for your kisses

Just to dream of your sighs

Just to know that I’d give my life for you

For you for the rest of my life

For you all the best of my life

For you alone, only for you

Just to wake up each morning

Just to you by my side

Just to know that you’re never really far away

Just a reason for living

Just to say I adore

Just to know that you’re here in my heart to stay

For you for the rest of my life

For you all the best of my life

For you alone, only for you

Just the words of a love song

Just the beat of my heart

Just the pledge of my life, my love, for you