Voted player of the game

My boy is playing soccer again – for the first time since he was a little. He’s second string goalie, but today the first string was absent- so he was goalie the entire game.

They lost, but man can my kid play! It was awesome to see how many blocks he made. At the end of the game, the other team voted him player of the game. He was flying high on that the whole way home.

There are always good moments of happiness, even when life is bumpy


On the eve of my first Mother’s Day without my mom

This is a hard weekend. I know I’ll get through it because I got through the first Father’s Day without my dad, my kids have done years of Father’s Day’s workout their dad, this too shall pass.

But it’s hard not to miss her on a weekend dedicated to mothers.

Lots of people stepped in to help me and the kids when our lives fell apart – but leading that charge was my mom. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. She helped me stand up to Mr. X, not just emotionally but financially as well. We held each other up after my dad died and we were both trying to adjust to a new kind of normal.

The boy, the Bear, and I went for a walk in town today while the girl played ball. Right where our creek meets the Bow, there were a ton of crocuses – I needed to see those today

Life goes on, life is sticky and complicated, but our lives are also full of love. The love will get us through.


Heal yourself

I feel like in the last three years God has just kicked the shit out of my life. All the earthly foundations I had come to depend upon have been shattered with the deaths of my parents and a financially ruining divorce. But you know, maybe I needed my foundation to be destroyed so that I could build a new life from the ground up.

The thing about starting from 0 means that I get to recreate my life. I get to stop and think about who I really want to be for this next part of my life.

My experiences with my parents really helped me understand I need to strengthen my spiritual connection and that has become my mission.

I’m discovering that while most of the pain inflicted on me and the kids wasn’t my fault (and for a long time I believed him when he said it was), it’s my responsibility to heal from it. That has totally changed my perspective on things.

It helps me step out of being a victim, and into a role where I can actually make a change – not only for me but for the kids too.

I can’t change him, I don’t want to, and I don’t have to. But I have to change myself. I have to keep working at living from love instead of living from fear.


House full of love

I had some of mom and dad’s old furniture hauled away today. It was ugly stuff from the 70s (why was everything orange back then?) but still, it was parts of my childhood – and reminders of the safety and security my parents provided for my sister and I.

Whatever else they did wrong – I mean we are human and no one is perfect – they both loved my sister and I so much. It was evident in the things they taught us, but mostly in the time they gave us. They were both busy, tired people – but they always made time for us and made sure we knew we were loved and important to them.

That’s what I try and pass on to my children as well. I may not have the things to give them like we had when I was married – but I can give them a house full of love and that is the best kind of happiness.


Highway cleanup

It was the annual 4h highway cleanup today – the more I do with our club the more I not only like 4H but appreciate how awesome our club is. We seem to have avoided the politics and bickering and just really work together and get along. That’s a huge gift – I’m grateful for all the friendships I’m making or deepening.

And today was absolutely beautiful and we had a great stretch of highway