happiness

We are both moms

I spent a big chunk of the day with the girl getting some tests done to make sure nothing inside her was about to explode. The technician at the lab we were at was awesome. She was so patient and kind and understood that my girl was a little anxious and still feeling really crappy. She had Moana playing on her tv and explained what was going to happen and how it would feel (it was an ultrasound – so no big deal unless you’ve never had one).

We actually had to stop the test and have her drink more to get a proper reading (that girl is a camel). What amazed me the entire time was how patient, thorough, and kind this lady was. She not only wanted to make sure she got all the images she needed, but she really wanted to make sure the girl was comfortable and understood what was going on.

At the end as we were leaving I thanked her for being so kind and thorough, and she replied with we are both moms. I totally get how you feel, if she was my daughter I’d want someone to care for them the way I would for my own. Kindness, it’s always the best choice. It’s happiness.

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happiness

Mommy that boy made me better 

We are sitting at the children’s hospital waiting for the doctor to have a look at my daughter. We were at our family doctor and based on the symptoms she was worried about appendicitis- so here we are… waiting. 

A little boy about 4 has been happily playing next to us when suddenly he got a big bloody nose and his dad rushed him to the bathroom. 

My son grabbed my lavender oil in my dōTERRA keychain and ran after them. He showed them how to put the oil over the bridge of the nose and sure enough – the nosebleed went away. 

A few minutes later the boy came running out to his mom yelling mommy, mommy that boy there… he came and gave me some drops of some good smelling stuff on my nose. And it made me all better!! My nosebleed is all gone!!!

And now he’s dancing around again happy as can be. 

I am so happy that I had the knowledge and the oil to share with him. The parents were really impressed and grateful and the boy thinks my boy is magical!! Happiness. 

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happiness

Every girl needs a Ducky

The girl and I have a stomach bug that has stopped us in our tracks. Both of us were feeling pretty crappy this evening, so we cuddled up on the couch and watched some movies. Hotel Transylvania 2 which is an old family favorite, and Pretty in Pink – becsuse every girl needs to see that movie. And every girl needs a Ducky. Seriously. 

Little trip back to the 80s. Happiness 

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happiness

Tea and TV

The boy and I have got into the routine of spending an hour or so every evening together watching tv and drinking tea. It’s become a really nice way to unwind and share time with him. 

I find we often have to stop the show so he can tell me little things about his life, or to laugh at something funny. 

Mostly I am just so honored that these teenagers want to spend so much time with me. Family, it’s what it’s all about. It’s happiness. 

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happiness

Laughing at the table 

We had a group of family over for our thanksgiving meal today. There were about 20 of us which was perfect. 

It was so good to sit at that table and laugh and share food – they are a special bunch, our tribe. 

With all our blessings, there is a lot to be thankful for. This tribe, our family, they are the top of the list. Having a place to dig our roots into is priceless. And it’s happiness. 

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happiness

The 100 foot diet

We had roast and potatoes for supper that came to us from the ranch and the garden. Talk about eating local. And eating well. I was grateful that the kids had dug the potatoes out of the garden last week. I missed being able to play in my garden this summer, but at least we will enjoy some of it’s produce.

It was a  peaceful and much appreciated meal, everyone relaxed a little as we get ready to settle into a long weekend.

Happiness is usually found in little moments like this.

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happiness

Pain brings change

There is no reason for someone to change their experience if it’s not painful.

These days before Thanksgiving are difficult ones in our house, Thanksgiving 2011 was effectively the moment our family ended, or as my then 10 year old son called it the night that ended my childhood. It’s brought up to the surface a little more this year as that same source of pain is making life very difficult for us.  What he seems to forget is in his haste to hurt me, he’s hurting the kids. This too is a pain large enough that it will bring about some kind of change. Enough is enough.

The event 6 years ago left me in enough pain both emotionally and physically that I knew something had to change. There were to be so, so many more betrayals and rages to come in the next few years, but this was the moment I knew that if I didn’t find a way out I would die. That’s a motivating factor for change let me tell you.

The pain was strong enough for change again when the kids and I had our finances cut off with a “good luck with the rest of your life” text last year and I finally filed for divorce and had to get a court order for support. That again changed everything about our lives, it also destroyed many memories as more and more lies came out.

Added to the time of the year is the fact that support is so far in arrears that we are having to gear up for another court appearance, or have some other consequence sought out. It kind of sits there like a dull pain. A pain that is calling for change -because things can’t go on as they are.

But here’s the other thing…

I’ve discovered that no matter how badly I want a person who has hurt me to know they’ve hurt me, and while I can maybe get them to acknowledge they hurt me, I can’t make someone care that they hurt me. Decent people with compassionate hearts will care if they hurt someone, but you can’t force someone who has no empathy to care that they hurt you.

But you can change things so that they can’t continue to hurt you.

And why am I talking about this? Especially on a happiness blog?

Because people don’t talk enough about this stuff. They don’t talk about abuse that goes on behind closed doors – and that those doors can be in any neighbourhood, they don’t talk about how difficult and scary it is to get out of, and they certainly don’t talk about the fact that the aftershocks of the trauma last for years.

Am I happier now than I was 6 years ago? You better believe it. I’m happier all the time – I mean there are the occasional bumps on the road, but in general I love this road I’m on. The best part of this road is there’s hope on it. There was no hope before, that was something I started building when the pain got bad enough that I started changing.

So where’s the happiness moment in all of this? There is always a moment of happiness in every situation if you look hard enough. I had to take my son to his therapy appointment today, and as I watched him I realized how far this young man has come, how much he has grown, and how incredibly strong he is.

Because through all the pain, all the change, there has been a constant source of love. The three of us have made a strong triangle based on unconditional love, and at the source, the centre, the creation of that we have connected to the Divine, to God’s love. And that is a gift we found as we changed through the pain. And that is happiness.

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