happiness

Change the way I tell the story 

I did a lab today with my health coaching course that went completely differently than planned. 

We were supposed to be talking about eating slowly, breathing, and relaxing during meals. Part of that involves doing an emotional check in before eating. 

I said the one time I did the exercise before my meal I had some really unpleasant emotions come up that left me really upset. 

She asked me what they were and I described a little of our family history,  and said that now that we are out of having to live in the abuse that I still have guilt, sadness, and anger. I feel guilty for the kids having the kind of childhood they did, sad that it took so long to get out of that life, and angry that he treated us that way and that I allowed it. 

But I also feel like I carry the feelings he should carry. He doesn’t feel guilty so I feel it for him. I carry his burden when it’s not mine to carry. 

I was reminded today that I can change how I tell my story. I am not his victim anymore – even though he does everything he can to put me back in that position. I don’t have to carry his guilt, that shit is  on him. I find the more months that go by whee he’s not making his payments or only making partial payments the more frustrated and angry I get. It’s the only thing he has to do for his children and he refuses. But I am not feeling guilty for that anymore. It’s a reflection of him not of me. 

Being able to see that from a different perspective and let some of that go – that’s happiness. 

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happiness

A rainbow on a cloudy day

I broke down yesterday and got some pain medication for my shoulder. For the last couple of weeks I’ve used my oils and that’s about it. Unfortunately the pain level was staying pretty high and it was time to do something about it. 

They gave me something less intense than Percocet but with more punch than Tylenol. It seemed perfect. Except my body hated it. I was up all night having a reaction to then meds so this morning there was yet another trip to urgent care. It seems things are sorted out now and I have some different meds to try (ugh). 

We came home, I had a nap, and was trying to figure out how I was  going to feed us when my guardian food angel appeared. A neighbor and friend from church has supplied us with two huge meals already (and some awesome cookies and banana bread). She announced that she had made a meal, was heating it up, and would bring it over shortly. 

Talk about a rainbow on a cloudy day. 

She brought over the best Shephard’s Pie I’ve ever had, garden carrots, and garden beets. With every bite I heard things like “ohhhh potatoes, mmmmm taste the carrots” come from the kids. 

It is so incredibly kind and I am so completely humbled by how we have been looked after. That is happiness. 

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happiness

Girl day 

My girl and I spent a much needed afternoon together. That one on one time is precious and I don’t feel like it happens enough. I know she’s a young lady because I see her all the time,  but when we are alone together like this I am reminded of the depth and beauty of her spirit. She is a wonderful soul. Happiness. 

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happiness

She’s growing up 

We had a family sush supper tonight for my niece who turned 15. I am aware it makes me old, but I can’t believe how fast these kids are growing up. 

But they are all amazing humans and I am honoured to share my life with them. 

It was a fun supper. And I sat beside my uncle and got to have a little catch up which doesn’t happen often enough. 

This tribe – its happiness 

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happiness

Donair Poutine 

I picked my boy up from work and we had to go try Donair Poutine at Donair On The Run – it’s their new special. And who knew it would be so good!?! That place is addictive. It’s so awesome that we have found a place we love, that serves good food, and is pretty darn cheap. 

Cooking these days is pretty much impossible, and we have been so lucky to have people drop off food, but we have also snuck in the odd meal here. 

One thing about this broken shoulder is it’s really forced me to have quiet time. And with that has come a lot of quiet time with my boy. And I love that. It’s happiness. 

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happiness

My boys 

My day started and ended with special time spent with my boys. 

My human boy took me to the farmer’s market so I could fill up on fruit and so he could fill up on waffles. 


I miss having a teenage digestive system. 

The evening I spent with my equine boy. We are working on bonding which sometimes feels like just me spoiling him. But in reality I’ve only had him for four months and we’re still getting to know each other. The more I get to know him the more I love him. 


I’ve been kind of wore out the last few days for keeping focussed on the things that are important really helps me keep going. 

And these two boys – they are happiness. 

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