happiness

Every girl needs a Ducky

The girl and I have a stomach bug that has stopped us in our tracks. Both of us were feeling pretty crappy this evening, so we cuddled up on the couch and watched some movies. Hotel Transylvania 2 which is an old family favorite, and Pretty in Pink – becsuse every girl needs to see that movie. And every girl needs a Ducky. Seriously. 

Little trip back to the 80s. Happiness 

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Parents

I don’t think you ever get so old you don’t need your parents. The specific needs may change, but that relationship is (or should be) the first one you ever form with another person and are safe in the knowledge that they love you and would do anything to provide a safe and happy life for you. 

It’s the model my parents gave me as I was growing up. And although I miss my dad every day, I treasure the memories he left me with. I am beyond grateful that we are back home and I get to have a daily relationship with my mom again. We really all need each other – that tribe – to stay strong and to know love. 

I’m so grateful for the love, strength, and support my mom gives me every single day.  It reminds me to turn around and give that same gift to my kids and it all flows round in a circle of love. That is happiness. 

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A little horse girl

My 6 year old niece joined me this afternoon to give Drishti his supplements. Of course, once we got organized to go the wind picked up and it seemed a little storm-like and all of the horses were a little spooky. I think Drishti just likes to hear himself snort sometimes.

This little girl has not spent much time around horses at all, but is fascinated by them. We went through how to properly feed him from her hand and she earnestly practiced on her way out to the field. I was so impressed not only at how well she listened and quietly approached my horse to give him a treat, but how well she listened as I gave her directions to move as the other horsed came tearing into the other field to see what we were up to. She stayed so calm and focused and carried a confidence that made me think here’s a little horse girl in the making.

It’s fun to share something you love with someone you love. That’s happiness.

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Change the story she tells herself

Probably one of the only good things about getting older is that it means that the angst filled years of being a teenager are getting further and further in my rearview mirror. The more I watch my daughter step onto this phase of life the more this is confirmed for me.

We had a minor tragedy at the mall today. She had been gifted a small sum by her nana to purchase whatever she wanted as a back to school treat- she’d be able to buy some earrings or a sparkly headband – or whatever tickled her fancy. However, somehow on the way from the car to the store the money got lost.

Her reaction was heartbreaking. She started beating herself up – saying how stupid she was, how she didn’t deserve the money in the first place, and how it was all her fault.

None of this is true. This girl is amazing, she’s got this amazing pure heart and will go out of her way time and time again to help out others.

But no matter how many times I told her this she wasn’t hearing it. She was playing the soundtrack over and over in her head that was telling her she had no value and that all bad things that happen is her fault. She burst into tears and said what do you expect me to think? I was told this over and over for all of my life until we left and came home. The aftermath of the chaos of her childhood, it’s hard when one of the people who is supposed to protect you tries instead to destroy you.

I tried telling the story of how amazing I think she is in many different ways, but it was making no difference. We drove to the grocery store and I grabbed some things for supper, then we went to Safeway to get one more thing. She was tired and sad and stayed in the car so I was by myself. As I came out there was a young guy sitting by the door, head down, holding a sign that said homeless- please give – anything helps.  I had $3 in my pocket and I walked over and gave it to him.

But, as I got into my car with my crying daughter, a backseat full of groceries, and prepared to head back to the home we love; I thought of two things:

One was how grateful I was that we had a tribe to pick us up and help us out when we were left with nothing.

The other was how weird it felt to drive home with so much food and leave this poor kid sitting outside with nothing.

So, I said to the girl that we were both going to get out of our funk, she was going to see what the real value of money was, and we were going to get him some supper. We went to Good Earth and got him a panini, a fresh cookie, and some iced tea. We went back to Safeway and both got out of the car and walked the supper to him. Jenna commented after Mom, did you see the look on his face? His eyes were so sad at first, then he looked like he couldn’t believe that we were doing that for him. I feel so different, even my tummy feels different. I’m glad we were able to do something nice for him.

And I reminded her that years ago we used to buy gift cards for food for some of the homeless people in Roanoke. I said this is who you are. This is the kind of heart you have. When you’re telling yourself who you are – this is it. You give to people, you help people, and you love people. Even when you feel like you’ve got nothing to give, there’s always some way you can help someone else. 

And she said yes – that’s true.

That is happiness. A deep, make me cry, love her so much, happiness.

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Girl day 

My girl and I spent a much needed afternoon together. That one on one time is precious and I don’t feel like it happens enough. I know she’s a young lady because I see her all the time,  but when we are alone together like this I am reminded of the depth and beauty of her spirit. She is a wonderful soul. Happiness. 

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Girls’ night and a guy 

The boy joined me this evening for an impromptu girls’ night supper at the donair shop. I’d like to think he came because he loves me, but he came for the donairs. And at 7$ how can you go wrong?

Interestingly though, he really enjoyed himself. He laughed at the silly stories right along with us, and jumped in with a few of his own. 

As we were walking back to the car he said now I get why these girls’ nights are so important to you. They’re hilarious. 

I am so grateful for my girlfriends. I don’t know how I’d get through without them. 

That is happiness. 

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