We are still in flu recovery mode in our house, no one is talking or moving much at all. This afternoon I was lying on the couch holding a box of Kleenex and the boy landed on the other couch and said it’s our showtime. So we turned on an episode of Family Guy and laughed and laughed. It was fantastic.
All three of us were are cold down by the cold today. This one is a doozy and no one was moving very fast.
The girl and I had a Hell’s Kitchen marathon tonight while we coughed. And she cuddled up beside me and we shared space. It was happiness.
My boy got cut during basketball tryouts today. He was devastated but even as he was telling me (and I was sad and upset) he squared his shoulders and said but the coach asked me to be manager. I won’t play but I’ll still go to all the games and help out.
That boy. I am so proud of him. He took his sad situation and turned it around. He will make a great manager for the team.
Proud mama happiness moment.
I woke up this morning pretty ticked off with God. There’s no nice way to say it, I wasn’t questioning His existence, but rather questioning why He seems to enjoy seeing how much I can take before I break.
Yesterday the boy told me how he felt that his generation hasn’t been raised in the church and he that blamed my generation for that. He said how grateful he was that I’d taken them to church and led them on a path to get to know God.
With that in mind I took my pity party to church this morning in hopes that the sermon would provide me some comfort. It didn’t. It probably annoyed me more than any sermon has in years. Fortunately it was a guest speaker, but I will be happy to not have to hear him again.
I left church still pretty pissy with God. As we came over the hill on our way home and looked out over the ranch and the mountains I stopped the car. I said this is how I know God exists and that he’s not a complete jerk. Look at how beautiful this is, only love could make something so amazing.
Figures since I’ve always found God at the ranch. But it’s not just the place, although it’s very spiritual for me, it’s the people – the tribe – who remind me that God exists in everything.
I stopped by my uncle and aunt’s place to pick up some food for my mom. Watching how my family loves and cares for each other – that’s God stuff, that’s God in the details, that is a reminder that we aren’t walking this journey alone. That is happiness
A photo my dad took of the mountains in the background of the ranch. This is my spiritual happy ground
This afternoon the girl (the social animal of our family) organized some friend time for herself. It’s the one downside of living in the country – that friend get togethers take a little more organization. She went and watched a friend play a volleyball game and then they walked to get ice cream. May not sound like much, but it’s a totally different world for her having all that independence.
The boy and I hung out and did some errands while she socialized. That kid was ON today and was cracking so many jokes my tummy hurt from laughing. Not only that, but we sat in a booth at Tim Horton’s for a while and his friends came in – not only did he acknowledge my existence in front of his friends, but I actually got to join them. That was a pretty awesome moment.
Laughter, it really is the best medicine. We needed a good belly laugh. I feel so much better for it, so much happier.
I got a massive text on my phone earlier this evening – a wish list from my daughter for Christmas. Proof that she is stuck in the years between, not quite a young adult, no longer a child. Makeup, hair accessories, earrings are on the list – but so are Lego, stuffies, and chocolate. I love it – grow up but stay a child my love.
She came into my room and sat beside me and giggled her way through her list. Christmas music is now allowed in our house (the kids put on the time ban not I).
It was just such a beautiful, normal moment. And that is where happiness is found, inside the small everyday things. It’s love, it’s happiness.
That was the message of the sermon today change the world through compassion.
I needed to hear that. More about love and compassion, less about fear and hate
I let fear sneak back into my heart last week.
Instead of focusing on what we don’t have I need to put my energy focusing on what we do have. Love, family, peace, safety, freedom. And then focusing on what I have to give.
I should be giving more. I need to give more of myself. If we all showed more compassion towards each other the world would be a much better place. And that would be a world filed with happiness.