happiness

Refilling the garden

The other day I was gifted a bunch of old fashioned perennials to put into my flower garden and since it finally stopped raining today I was able to plant them. They fit perfectly with my old fashioned house and our happy new(ish) life. This house has brought love and life back to us and I hope we have been able to do the same to it. It’s got such a great energy and vibe – generations of love live here. This is happiness.

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happiness

Garden time 

We got our vegetable garden planted today at long last.  This garden brings a lot of joy for the whole family as we enjoy the benefits of it all summer long. Aside from the food that tastes like food, I find a lot of heart healing goodness in caring for the garden. 

I remember how my grandparents and parents taught me to care for the garden, and enjoy the quietness and soul renewal that comes from weeding and caring for it. Until I totally lose control of the weeds which happens at least once a summer. But that’s part of it too, it’s always salvageable and I can always being it back to its glory. 

I am so grateful we have this garden. It is happiness. 

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happiness

Time to weed out

My nephew came over and tilled my vegetable garden, which makes me one step closer to having things growing again. I love my gardens – both the vegetable and flower – they bring me a lot of happiness and peace.

My only problem is I always want my garden to look like this:

Somehow it never does – but still it makes me happy.

I had a friend talk me off the ledge today and remind me of where I want to put my energy. I was having an episode about the fact that Mr. X has missed 2 months of support payments, knowing that this would have a huge impact on the lives of all three of us. I know the intention is to destroy me, but I think he forgets along the way that it causes damage to the kids as well. I was texting her and saying  that I was angry, frustrated, and disappointed and she said:

Making you judge him and be mad is your remaining relationship with him.
Break up with it
It’s not a good relationship for you
She is right – it is not a good relationship for me. I have extended too much energy towards him in anger because he’s let me down over and over, for years and years. It’s the last bit of energy I give to him, but it’s energy that I could be using for more positive things. He is not going to change, he has shown me time and time again who he really is – it is time I believe it. I have to have faith that the enforcement in place and the court orders will eventually force him to make the required payments. And until then we live as we are – on miracles, and faith.
Having the friends I do – women who have gone through or are going through the same situation and doing it with such dignity and grace – that is happiness.
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happiness

Trust the journey 

It’s been a weird week. I’ve had these gut feelings come up and make me question myself and choices I’ve made. I’m so hard on myself sometimes. Some of the things going on had me feeling so overwhelmed and like I was making bad decisions all over the place. 

So I slowed everything down and got back to praying and meditating. And weird things started happening. I had people appear suddenly offering friendship, I had questions asked to me about Ayurveda, I had questions answered about whether I’m doing the right thing. 

I had a conversation with someone this morning that I kind of expected to go badly. I was really anxious about it, and wasn’t in a very good headspace to begin with. 

Instead of what I was expecting, I was given a talk about how I needed to honour my journey. This is someone who came into my life when I was completely broken and he’s been one of my teachers as I’ve been on the path of healing. 

He told me he was there to walk the journey with me, that I needed to remember how much I had worked through, and that it was a testament to my strength and character that I was where I was now. In a time of such self doubt, I really needed to hear that right now. I may now meet everyone’s approval, but I can feel in my gut I’m being true to myself. 

Those kind words were more than a happiness moment, they helped me pick myself up and keep walking on my path. 

As a bonus happiness moment I had the girls help me in the garden today. It’s time to get out what we can before everything freezes. They pulled carrots and onions, and dug potatoes. The potatoes hold a special place in our heart because they are ones that my great grandfather brought over from Ireland almost 150 years ago. 

The purple potatoes. I wonder what he wound think of his great – great granddaughter digging them up outside of the house he built all those years ago. Our roots run deep here. 

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Mud!

We had a very tiny window of summer this morning when the sun was shining and the rain clouds had been banished. I grabbed the opportunity and spent some time pulling weeds in my vegetable garden. I’m finding that time quite meditative as it allows me time to clear my head, align myself with my Source, and find some gratitude for what is growing. I love it. 

I also tend to get frustrated because I discover while pulling stubborn quack grass and dandelion roots that I am nowhere near as strong as I would like to be. I am so much stronger than I was, but I have a long ways to go. 

Today though was so much easier. The ground is so muddy that the weeds came up with way less effort than what I normally have to give. It was so much more satisfying with so much less work. I had a great happiness moment listening to the radio while clearing out my garden. I’m so happy to see things finally getting to the stage where they can be eaten and enjoyed. 

I had a bonus happiness moment later on when I somehow ended up in the middle of a game of tag with the boys. It was so fun to watch them run and laugh and play in the park. I love that they wanted to include me in it. 

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The lawn and the couch 

A double happiness moment on a day that seems to have spilled into the next one. 

Jacob and I attacked the yard a bit this afternoon. It was so dry nothing was growing and then suddenly it rained and everything went out of control. I am making headway on the weeds and our beautiful yard is looking loved again. I have so much gratitude for this old house that has provided so much security and comfort for us it’s nice to love it back where we can. 

I spent the evening at his house watching reruns of Friends and talking and laughing. I am so thankful he walked into my life. 

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By the garden 

I’m sitting outside by my garden enjoying some evening sun before calling it a day. I love how the seeds I planted and cared for are turning into plants and starting to flower. I have yearned for a garden for years. We were too transient and never had the right spot to really enjoy this kind of space. 

Watching things grow here is also kind of how I feel about my life in general. I planted the seeds of prayer and hope for a better life a few years ago and finally I’m starting to see the rewards of that. Things are growing and flourishing. We are smiling and laughing more. We feel safe and secure back in our tribe. It’s good or the soul. It is the benefit of all of these happiness moments – every single day, even in the crap days. 

I love this space I am in.  Being here makes me happy. That which makes me feel at home brings me a soul bliss happiness moment. 

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