We are now in our second month with no support from Mr. X.
I know I should be completely freaking out – we depend on that support and the knows it – but somehow this feeling of incredible calm has come over me – I don’t know how to explain it except to say that it’s God stuff.
The last few weeks I have been really focusing on strengthening my connection and my faith and I can feel the difference in my being. I saw one of my healers today and was describing our situation and how I was feeling. He said I seemed calmer and more grounded, and I do feel that way even though I feel like I should feel chaos. I have finally understood that I have been looking to a man for support who has shown time and time again he has no interest in being there in any capacity. I should have instead been looking to God who is always there for me. I’m not sure what this means for my path, but I’m exploring it.
I said that it was weird – that I now feel like my life is pretty regular and back to normal and suddenly WHAM something will happen to pull me back to the trauma. He said it was shadows of the past showing up.
In my session today I suddenly heard you have to make space, you have to make space, and he did something to my head and BAM space was made in my body. I could feel my third chakra light up and ama (toxins) was pulled from it down through my second chakra and out of my body. I’ve never felt anything like it before – but that feeling of clearing and space was immediate.
I have to make space, I have to clear out all the bad junk – the ama – so I can make space for new things to come into my life. So I can erase the shadows of the past.
So much healing is happening and my spiritual connection with God has increased so much. I often wish the journey was easier – but the person that I am turning into because of this? That is happiness.