happiness

Baptism ranch style 

The church held their annual baptisms in the creek at the ranch today. It was at my favourite place on earth and it was fun to see people come to God in what for me has always been a holy place. 


It amazed me how much the water had dropped since the last time I was there. The dam the kids were building a month ago had been totally under water then. Not so much now. It sure has been dry. 

No matter what it’s like,  it’s always my happy place there. 

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A rainbow on a cloudy day

I broke down yesterday and got some pain medication for my shoulder. For the last couple of weeks I’ve used my oils and that’s about it. Unfortunately the pain level was staying pretty high and it was time to do something about it. 

They gave me something less intense than Percocet but with more punch than Tylenol. It seemed perfect. Except my body hated it. I was up all night having a reaction to then meds so this morning there was yet another trip to urgent care. It seems things are sorted out now and I have some different meds to try (ugh). 

We came home, I had a nap, and was trying to figure out how I was  going to feed us when my guardian food angel appeared. A neighbor and friend from church has supplied us with two huge meals already (and some awesome cookies and banana bread). She announced that she had made a meal, was heating it up, and would bring it over shortly. 

Talk about a rainbow on a cloudy day. 

She brought over the best Shephard’s Pie I’ve ever had, garden carrots, and garden beets. With every bite I heard things like “ohhhh potatoes, mmmmm taste the carrots” come from the kids. 

It is so incredibly kind and I am so completely humbled by how we have been looked after. That is happiness. 

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It’s as close to God as I can get


Today I was listening to Saltwater Gospel on my drive home (I am doing short drives now, which is awesome) and I got stuck on the line I’m as close to God as I can get. 

I love this song because to me it speaks about finding God outside of church. I remember years ago talking to my pastor about how I only found God outside of church, and with her wise words she reminded me that I know who God is because I learned about him in church. So, I think both are important. 

For me, my Saltwater Gospel is found on a horse. Always has been. It wasn’t until I actively started seeking out spiritual guidance, grounding, and started practicing meditation that I realized all of this I intuitively knew from my time on the back of a horse. 

And I thought of Drishti in the field. This boy I waited so long for, who I prayed for, who came to me through a miracle. I’m really sad I can’t ride him, like heartbroken. It seems so unfair that I just get him and I hurt myself so I can’t ride. 

But you know what? He’s still here. We still can work on our bond. Being with him is still as close to God as I can get. 


A couple of times in recent years I have had body issues that have forced me to stop and make a total reassessment of my life. The last time it happened with my feet, it made me change my life into the one I have now. If I hadn’t literally been stopped in my tracks a few years ago, I never would have connected with God the way I did and found the strength to get where I am – home, safe, happy, free. 

There’s a lesson in this one too. I just have to stop and pay attention to it. The last few years have been so filled with sorrow, trauma, and stress – maybe exactly what I need is to be forced to just stop and listen and get as close to God as I can get

Happiness ❤️

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The heart knows 

My lesson for today has been to reconnect with my heart. I’ve been feeling very out of balance for the last week or so and today it was brought to my attention that I’ve been living in my head – where fear lives – instead of my heart – where love is. 

Funny how I had to have a couple of very scary – truly fear filled – experiences to get me out of my fear making head and into my loving heart. 

I can’t make good decisions when I’m making them based on fear. And more importantly, I can’t look after myself when I’m basing my emotions on how others behave. If I’m looking for someone else to fill my needs I’ll always be lacking. This goes from everything from the fact that we still haven’t had a June or July payment (or full April or May) from mr. X, to wanting Drishti to behave as I would like (he’s getting much better anyway). 

I have to be in balance with myself. And balance doesn’t mean control. I’d love to think I can control the outcomes of everything, but I can’t.  And when I’m in my heart I have the faith to trust that the outcome will be the right one no matter what 

I managed to have an awesome ride this morning before it got too hot. This guy makes me work through all these issues because the only way we see going to connect and work together is if I lead from my heart. And I love him, so I want it to work. Heart living. Its happiness. 

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Waterton wellness day

The girl and I drove down to Waterton for the day. This is one of my happiness places, and even if the visit is short like today it does amazing things for my soul. 

The beauty and peace of the place is really something that must be felt, but here’s a little sample of what it is like 


If I ever doubt God’s existence all I need to do is see the beauty He created in the world around us. I can feel His presence strongly in places like this. And that was good – I’ve needed to be rebalanced and regrounded. 

That is happiness. 

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I see God in everything 

I came into today with very mixed emotions – on the one hand it is the 16th birthday of my beloved son, on the other hand Father’s Day has become a rather difficult day in our household.

I have been doing A Course in Miracles and the lesson today was about how I see God in everything. I read it, I remembered it, I prayed about it – then I began my day.

I started by making the boy’s traditional birthday pie for his breakfast. The girl had stayed up late and left a trail of notes for him to read as he made his way downstairs telling him how much he was loved.

I thought how appropriate it was that he was eating pie this morning, not only for his tummy but also because my Dad loved pie and it was a nice way for me to remember him. There was definitely God in everything around me.

 

I dropped the girl at her morning ball game and the boy at church and then headed off to Glenbow Ranch to have a little quiet time in the flowers so I could honour my Dad. Wildflowers were my Dad’s thing and he had taken me to this park the summer before he died so we could look at the flowers.

 

After I walked around a little bit I stopped beside this wood lily which just happens to be my favourite flower of all. I sat on the side of the hill and cried a little bit (thankfully I was alone – the public crying gets to be a little much sometimes). I was looking up the hill for a while – as in the photo above – and then turned my position and looked west. I realized that from where I was sitting I could see the ranch, I could see Moose Mountain, I could see home. It was really comforting to just sit there in the quiet with the flowers around me, holding memories of my dad, and just be thankful for the life I have. I could sit there beside that flower and really, truly see God in everything.

After the girls won their ball game – and it was a very hard earned win – we took the boy out for lunch at Mr. Mikes. Talk about trying to cram everything into one day – I was worried I wouldn’t get to spend much time with him on his birthday because the win meant that the girls were off to at least 2 more ball games in NE Calgary and the boy had to work this evening. But we grabbed the small moment and made the best of it – God in everything. 

The girls played hard this afternoon. It ended up being the same team from the morning and they battled it out for two more games to finally become tournament champions. This was no small feat – these girls were certainly the underdogs at the beginning of the season and they dominated. Jenna is still flying high. God in everything – it was easy to see as the parents cheered and laughed and as the kids played and thrived.

The win was celebrated by a very late supper with the boy at his work. This work has brought out so much in him, it has been a great step into adulthood. God in everything.

 

I gave the boy his present late last night. I had ordered custom made Mala beads a few weeks ago – it was the only thing he had asked me for. Every bead was put on with love and in prayer. It was added to a box that was filled with letters written by the important people in his life – his loved ones, his family – and a HUGE thank you to all of you who wrote the letters. He has been sitting and reading them and smiling with glistening eyes. It is something he will treasure for the rest of his life. God in everything, His hands in the love in those letters that the boy will be able to pull out and read for the rest of his life and always remember that he is loved.


This day may have started with mixed emotions, but it was a day of big happiness, and one that I am incredibly grateful for.

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A new dress

I wore a new dress today. The last time I wore a new dress was exactly 2 years ago today at my dad’s funeral. Today, instead of the dress being black and tears of sadness being shed, my dress was purple and the tears were of joy.

Our church put on a mother daughter dinner in celebration of the grade 6 girls who are graduating this year. The supper was prepared and served with love and care for these special girls who are loved so dearly by their moms, their families, their communities, their church, and by God. Between each course of the 4 course meal we were given questions to answer and this led to wonderful stories being told about the girls.

I will share one of the questions I was given – it was How do I see God through Jenna. I said that Jenna has this beautiful and open heart, but she also has this intense inner strength. When you need something, if times are tough, and you want someone to have your back – Jenna is just quietly there with her strength, holding you in her space. The combination of this open heart and incredible inner strength gives her such unique character. I adore this girl.

I feel so blessed that we are part of this church community, that the kids have this huge sense of belonging – to their family, to their church, to God. It’s what happiness is.

Jenna, in her new dress, with her friends. 

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