happiness

Building strong

The kids and I started week 4 of our transformation program today. It has been interesting doing this along with them – I hear them thinking out loud about some of the things we have discussed as they are searching out snacks. When we have been in the grocery store they look at food and see how it falls in line with the goals they have set out, and it has changed what they’re asking for.

The results are starting to roll in as well. We all have lost some weight and all are feeling a little better about the choices we are making. It’s all about changing habits and behaviours and we are learning how to do that.

There was a sign in my old chiropractor’s office in Virginia that said “It’s easier to build strong children than repair broken men”. It’s a gift I hope my kids carry with them into adulthood – they are learning to value themselves – to know that they matter and are worth looking after.

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Self care

I’ve realized recently I’ve been doing a terrible job of self care. It’s something I struggle with anyway, but it seems after I broke my shoulder everything went out the window. I haven’t been exercising, meditating, taking my vitamins regularly, or eating as well as I could be.

It seems sometimes like the more stressful life is, and the more I really need to be kind to myself, the more I let it slide.

I can’t afford to do that anymore. If I’m going to be able to care for the people in my life, I need to be able to care for myself. I need to keep my reserves full so there’s enough to give.

So today I set my routine up again. I used to be so good about following a routine

I did my morning pages, elliptical, yoga, and meditated. It’s all important for keeping my balance and keeping me grounded. I need to do all of that every day. It keeps my anxiety at bay (and it’s been bad lately) and restores my energy.

Here’s to remembering that it’s not just ok, but imperative that we care for ourselves. That is happiness.

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Happiness blogs

I started this blog almost 3 years ago on my 44th birthday. I was still in the beginning stages of working my way out of my dark night of the soul years (sometimes I feel like I’m still at the beginning, but I’m not). I began with the idea that I would do 44 days of happiness – my goal was that every day I would have to find something that made me happy and I would write about it. Sometimes those happiness moments were really hard to find at the beginning, I think I wrote a lot about Henry the Heron who I used to see every morning on my walk. I remember many times the day being over and me realizing I still hadn’t had a moment of happiness and making sure I did something right away so I could say I had done one thing that had brought me some joy.

I think now about how small and unhappy my life was then. I mean really, in the last 3 years my entire life has imploded, gone sideways, blown up, and been shaken like I live inside a snowglobe and still I have found moments of happiness every day. Thank God I trained myself to look for them or I would have been having a right pity party.

My life now still is pretty uncertain, full of bumps, and honestly I have no idea what I’m doing – but it’s so much happier. We are home, we are safe, we are free. Those are big words. It has helped me incredibly to have a check in every day and find something to be grateful for, something that made me happy, to express gratitude.

This morning I found an email from feedspot.com saying they had chosen my blog as one of their top 75 happiness blogs – I am number 64. Look it up here

Seriously how cool is that?

I even got a little award to put on my blog – that was a smile filled moment of happiness.

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Run down 

I realized this morning how run down I was feeling. I haven’t been sleeping well and I’ve been under a lot of stress and that is always a recipe for disaster 

I stopped things today and did a reset of my intentions. If I don’t look after myself, everything else falls apart. 

I celebrated a day of quiet self care at home this evening with the boy – we watched some belly laughing shows. Happiness. 

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Small kindness – big difference

The girl and I were back at the Children’s Hospital today. I had taken her back to the doctor and she was still concerned about her symptoms and discomfort, so off to the hospital we went.

I have to say, that while the wait is very long there (they go as fast as they can, there are just so many sick kids waiting to be seen), the care they have given us every time we have been there is impressive. It’s mostly in the small kindnesses they show – everyone going out of their way to make sure my kid is as comfortable and secure as possible. A few of the nurses have said that they look after the kids there as if they were their own because that’s how it should be.

And it really makes a difference. What is a long and boring and stressful event they really make much more positive. I am grateful that we have this hospital close by, that I don’t have to worry about how to pay for a hospital visit, and for the great care we have been getting. That is happiness.

Hopefully the girl is feeling better soon!

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a good sleep

Last night I had the best sleep I’ve had in months. Certainly since before I broke my shoulder, maybe longer – it’s been a long time since I’ve felt rested. It’s amazing how much better coping skills I have when I’m not completely exhausted. It certainly gives me incentive to set my life up so I have more of these great sleeps. Because a well rested me is a happy me!

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Moving ahead, looking back 

My Facebook memory today was of a day I took the kids to the beach in Rhode Island 7 years ago. I actually remember this day well, the three of us drive to Narragansett for lunch and then walked the beach making rock art 


The kids were so little then, they are young adults now. 

That was a very, very good day. A lot of happiness came from the ocean 

Today I also had a happy moment as I’m looking forward. I got 97% on an exam for the course I’m taking.  

Every stage is a good one.  

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Broken things 

I had a coaching call today and I talked about how my broken arm had lead to some big personal changes. There has been a chance the last couple of months for me to heal some areas of my life that I had been too busy to stop and pay attention to. I was forced into this quietness, and it allowed me to reflect on the things I had been ignoring.

We talk about being broken like it’s a bad thing. But sometimes you need to be broken to stop resisting and submit and allow space for good things to grow. It would be great if I could learn lessons the easy way, but usually I have to be taken down the difficult path and really learn the grit of the lesson so it sticks.

I am loving this course. It’s helping me, and in turn I will be able to help others shine their lights more brightly. Happiness.

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Small changes bring big results

I had the opportunity that allowed me to reflect on what my life would be like now if I hadn’t started making small changes all those years ago. I would be someone I  wouldn’t recognize – in fact even when I look back on that old life I can’t believe that was me.

I think about the day I fell on the floor and prayed for change, it was almost 6 years ago, after the incident at Canadian Thanksgiving. It seemed like change took forever to happen, yet here we are now living a life completely different life. Small changes, big results.

What if I was that person I used to be still? I’d be broken. Totally and completely broken. Living a life I wasn’t made for, pretending to be someone else, lost and sad.

Sometimes I feel like it takes too long for the changes to occur – I get impatient. I’ve been working for this better life for so long. The boy reminded me the other day mom – you yourself said that sometimes God has to wait until you’re totally broken apart so He can put you back together. And that’s true. I’m so damn stubborn, it takes a lot before I’ll accept the help I need. This shoulder thing has been a good lesson for me in learning to accept help and appreciate the kindness of those around me. Today, on week 8 after my fall, a neighbour is still bringing us a weekly meal. Every single Monday she’s shown up with something for us. Talk about an act of kindness.

All those small changes brought Drishti into my life. He was my drishti years before I knew he existed.

If you don’t know how he came to have his name – here’s a recap:

A dristhi is a specific point of focus that is used during meditation or while holding a yoga pose. The reason for the focal point is due to the belief that where our gaze is directed, our attention naturally flows. It is a way of looking for the Divine everywhere, and it allows us to see God in everything. It blocks out the clutter and noise, and keeps our intention set on what is important.  Focus all of your attention on your drishti and all the chaos of the world disappears and you are able to connect with God. 

For me, horses always have been my spiritual vehicle. When things were bad and I was so out of balance, I prayed for and focused my attention (set my drishti) on having a horse to ride again. So, when through a series of miracles this horse came to my life I knew his name was Drishti. He makes the chaos of my world disappear so I can focus on what is important.

If it weren’t for all the small changes, this wouldn’t be my life now. And I love my life now. And that is happiness.

 

 

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