happiness

Energy boost

Today started week two of our 90 day transformation program – this week we are working on energy. Good timing too since I feel like all I say lately is I feel like I am tired to the core of my soul. We all have our action plans and it will be interesting to see how the week progresses – I’m really excited, we all need a little life boost.

I keep falling back to thinking it’s too much ama or not enough ojas, but really I think it’s mostly just total depletion.

In celebration of Family Day I took the girl and her cousin out for what likely is the last toboggan ride of the year. It was so pretty out (and at close to 0 not unbearably cold), and I loved hearing the girls scream in laughter. They have so much fun together, and I love watching the cool teens revert back to little kids as they fly across the fields. I love my family dearly and it’s nice to have a day just to enjoy them, but family time is important to us so we do spend a lot of time together in real life.

There is happiness to be found in every moment if you remember to look for it.

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happiness

The gifts I bring

I feel like I’ve struggled my whole life to acknowledge and accept the gifts I’ve been given. I think I’ve always felt not good enough, or that I don’t measure up in some way. And I don’t think I’m alone in this feeling. I think most of us at some point struggle with our self worth or self esteem.

It’s taken me a long time to understand that my gifts have value not just in spite of them being different, but because they are different. God gave me these gifts and it’s my duty to use them.

Same is true for all of us. We all have unique gifts we have been blessed with. Sometimes they’re harder to find, or a challenge to acknowledge, but our gifts need to be celebrated.

Today I had someone remind me that my gifts need to be celebrated and shared. And yours do too.

My gratitude

Heated steering wheel (it’s -35 it’s important)

My girlfriends

A warm cup of tea

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Self care

I’ve realized recently I’ve been doing a terrible job of self care. It’s something I struggle with anyway, but it seems after I broke my shoulder everything went out the window. I haven’t been exercising, meditating, taking my vitamins regularly, or eating as well as I could be.

It seems sometimes like the more stressful life is, and the more I really need to be kind to myself, the more I let it slide.

I can’t afford to do that anymore. If I’m going to be able to care for the people in my life, I need to be able to care for myself. I need to keep my reserves full so there’s enough to give.

So today I set my routine up again. I used to be so good about following a routine

I did my morning pages, elliptical, yoga, and meditated. It’s all important for keeping my balance and keeping me grounded. I need to do all of that every day. It keeps my anxiety at bay (and it’s been bad lately) and restores my energy.

Here’s to remembering that it’s not just ok, but imperative that we care for ourselves. That is happiness.

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Run down 

I realized this morning how run down I was feeling. I haven’t been sleeping well and I’ve been under a lot of stress and that is always a recipe for disaster 

I stopped things today and did a reset of my intentions. If I don’t look after myself, everything else falls apart. 

I celebrated a day of quiet self care at home this evening with the boy – we watched some belly laughing shows. Happiness. 

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Moving ahead, looking back 

My Facebook memory today was of a day I took the kids to the beach in Rhode Island 7 years ago. I actually remember this day well, the three of us drive to Narragansett for lunch and then walked the beach making rock art 


The kids were so little then, they are young adults now. 

That was a very, very good day. A lot of happiness came from the ocean 

Today I also had a happy moment as I’m looking forward. I got 97% on an exam for the course I’m taking.  

Every stage is a good one.  

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happiness

Broken things 

I had a coaching call today and I talked about how my broken arm had lead to some big personal changes. There has been a chance the last couple of months for me to heal some areas of my life that I had been too busy to stop and pay attention to. I was forced into this quietness, and it allowed me to reflect on the things I had been ignoring.

We talk about being broken like it’s a bad thing. But sometimes you need to be broken to stop resisting and submit and allow space for good things to grow. It would be great if I could learn lessons the easy way, but usually I have to be taken down the difficult path and really learn the grit of the lesson so it sticks.

I am loving this course. It’s helping me, and in turn I will be able to help others shine their lights more brightly. Happiness.

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Small changes bring big results

I had the opportunity that allowed me to reflect on what my life would be like now if I hadn’t started making small changes all those years ago. I would be someone I  wouldn’t recognize – in fact even when I look back on that old life I can’t believe that was me.

I think about the day I fell on the floor and prayed for change, it was almost 6 years ago, after the incident at Canadian Thanksgiving. It seemed like change took forever to happen, yet here we are now living a life completely different life. Small changes, big results.

What if I was that person I used to be still? I’d be broken. Totally and completely broken. Living a life I wasn’t made for, pretending to be someone else, lost and sad.

Sometimes I feel like it takes too long for the changes to occur – I get impatient. I’ve been working for this better life for so long. The boy reminded me the other day mom – you yourself said that sometimes God has to wait until you’re totally broken apart so He can put you back together. And that’s true. I’m so damn stubborn, it takes a lot before I’ll accept the help I need. This shoulder thing has been a good lesson for me in learning to accept help and appreciate the kindness of those around me. Today, on week 8 after my fall, a neighbour is still bringing us a weekly meal. Every single Monday she’s shown up with something for us. Talk about an act of kindness.

All those small changes brought Drishti into my life. He was my drishti years before I knew he existed.

If you don’t know how he came to have his name – here’s a recap:

A dristhi is a specific point of focus that is used during meditation or while holding a yoga pose. The reason for the focal point is due to the belief that where our gaze is directed, our attention naturally flows. It is a way of looking for the Divine everywhere, and it allows us to see God in everything. It blocks out the clutter and noise, and keeps our intention set on what is important.  Focus all of your attention on your drishti and all the chaos of the world disappears and you are able to connect with God. 

For me, horses always have been my spiritual vehicle. When things were bad and I was so out of balance, I prayed for and focused my attention (set my drishti) on having a horse to ride again. So, when through a series of miracles this horse came to my life I knew his name was Drishti. He makes the chaos of my world disappear so I can focus on what is important.

If it weren’t for all the small changes, this wouldn’t be my life now. And I love my life now. And that is happiness.

 

 

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