happiness

Small kindness – big difference

The girl and I were back at the Children’s Hospital today. I had taken her back to the doctor and she was still concerned about her symptoms and discomfort, so off to the hospital we went.

I have to say, that while the wait is very long there (they go as fast as they can, there are just so many sick kids waiting to be seen), the care they have given us every time we have been there is impressive. It’s mostly in the small kindnesses they show – everyone going out of their way to make sure my kid is as comfortable and secure as possible. A few of the nurses have said that they look after the kids there as if they were their own because that’s how it should be.

And it really makes a difference. What is a long and boring and stressful event they really make much more positive. I am grateful that we have this hospital close by, that I don’t have to worry about how to pay for a hospital visit, and for the great care we have been getting. That is happiness.

Hopefully the girl is feeling better soon!

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happiness

The mom bus

It was another chilly night at ball, but I am discovering that I am building a mom tribe there which makes me happy. There are three of us who are single moms and have very similar stories and we laughed and shared tales as we discovered the things we have in common – things we never thought any of us would know about. I love that they are women who are learning who they are again, building new lives, finding the humour in dark situations, and are incredibly strong – these are women I want to be around.

The kids both are now thriving at ball. The girl is hitting her stride at bat and on the field, and the boy learned last week how to umpire and was the ump at the game tonight. She’s gaining confidence as a player, and he’s finding his voice and footing as the umpire. They’re such great kids and I’m so grateful that I get to walk every step with them. That is happiness, real and true.

I had a moment of personal happiness this afternoon as I took Drishti out for a quick ride before the chaos of the rest of the day took over. I have discovered I’m no longer scared, I’m finding my confidence too.

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happiness

Big Bang Theory

I had a tv marathon with the boy tonight. We are both starting to think we will survive this cold, but don’t feel well enough to really want to do stuff.  The (healthy) girl took off to her grandma’s to be spoiled and left us here to lie around and do nothing. 

It sounds lame, but it was fun. We caught up on Big Bang Theory and laughed. Perfect kind of happiness for a quiet, healing day. 

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Uncategorized

That Dharma Thing

I firmly believe we all have those things that we shine at. Things that we must do, that bring us joy, that make our soul sing because we know that we are doing what it is that we were put here to do. 

Some people know what that thing is from an early age and have the faith, the support, and the courage to do it no matter what obstacles are thrown in their path. Others of us are plagued with self doubt and fear and it takes us a bit longer to get on that path. 

If I could have a life redo I would go back in time to those moments where I wanted to follow a dream and I listened to the negative voices either from others or from inside my head who told me that I shouldn’t. The voices that said I wasn’t good enough, not deserving, or that the dream I had wasn’t ever going to be a reality. 

The first thing I would do is not listen to the voices that made me give up riding. Should it have mattered that I was being told that I would never make a living at it (I could have), that it would never give me a secure future (nothing about my future so far has been secure anyway even though I gave up and tried to take the safe path), that I needed to find a real job and grow up? Had I had the kind of self esteem I now wish for myself  and for my kids I would have never heard the external doubts and I would not have had the internal ones. 

Somehow I took all those messages and decided that my value as a human was based on what career path I would take and the amount of money we could produce. So I took a career that I didn’t really want and when I gave it up to be a full time mom (which I love) I became devalued again because I wasn’t doing something that was producing money. Forget all of the things that I actually do as a mom, there is no value to that. So then I struggled with the strong feeling that I was doing what I was meant to do, but also held the false belief that it had no value. 

Today we went out for a long ride through the fields. It just brings peace to my soul. I have a confidence when riding that I am just now learning to bring to the rest of my life. On a horse you need to be confident enough to have faith in what you are doing, and stay humble enough to know that you are a part of a team – and that the other half of your team is much bigger and stronger than you – you must work together through whatever comes up. A good way to walk through life. With humble confidence. With the knowledge that I am following my dharma. That I am good enough just because I am me and that I know I’m doing the right thing because I feel it in the depths of my soul. 

That is happiness. 

Here is a photobomb of happiness. Johnny the horse having a moment of FOMO (fear of missing out) and peeking through the fence as I took a picture of my niece. She rode today with Jenna and me, and it was so heart warming to see those girls giggling and enjoying their horses in the same fields I used to spend hours in as a child. Pretty sweet for me to enjoy this time on Princess the boy horse. 

  

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