I have learned so much about what happiness truly means for me since starting my blog over 3 years ago. I was seeking happiness in a very dark time in my life, looking for little glimmers of hope wherever I could find them. Most of my searching started on the outside – I’d see Henry The Heron on a walk and send a photo of him to my dad who would send me back a photo of the heron who lives here, I’d smile at someone at the grocery store and have them smile back, I’d read a book that brought me joy. It was very basic, simple, and really makes me realize how small and sad my life was then.
I’m focusing more now on happiness being an inside job. I’m learning how true happiness comes from my connection to the Divine and living my Dharma, my destiny, my passion.
Mostly I need to learn how to surrender.
I hate surrendering. I hate surrendering to other people, I even hate surrendering to God. Why do I need to control everything (especially when I know damn well I control nothing)? Genetics hahaha. No, seriously though – I know full well my life goes much better when I hand it over to God, but I still stubbornly hold on to the important things just in case He doesn’t do it right, or in case He forgets about me.
I’m reading a book right now called The Power of Surrender and I came across this passage in my reading today
To stay happy, remember that a positive inner focus shapes outer success… Surrendering to happiness means being grateful for what you have achieved, even if it’s just getting out of bed in the morning during trying times. Gratitude is an ecstatic feeling, a way to allow contentment in…. Surrendering to happiness also means letting everyday life delight you, giving thanks for the love that is around you, for your body, for your breath… Material success, as financially comfortable as it can make you, as pleasant as it can be, isn’t required for happiness. It won’t make you any happier than you would be otherwise in the long run. So part of success is being smart enough to know what can make you happy and going after that… (21-22).
When I filed for divorce I lost any (albeit false) sense of security I had created for myself. Mr X has been allowed to get $40,000 behind in payments and it has cost me more than that again in legal fees over the last 2 years. But what I have learned by losing everything I had was a) I have an awesome family and they scooped us up and have held us in love and gave us a home as I’m recreating life, and b) that my true happiness that comes from my connection to the Divine and that shines out in riding my horse, in my writing, in my relationships – all of that can’t be taken away – it’s who I am, not what I have.
This is why it’s so important for me to learn to surrender. To hand it over to the Divine, to choose love over fear, to embrace life, and to forgive.
Yes to forgive.
I’m working on that.
The more I forgive, the more I am able to connect to my own inner peace. And that is happiness.