Healing tribe

I had calls today with two of the healers from my tribe. One I have known for a few years now and she’s held space for me as my life has gone through some huge changes. The other is part of the coaching tribe I have joined.

It’s amazing the space that was cleared in my soul today. I feel stronger and more capable of holding myself up and moving ahead with faith and hope. Happiness

Mom had a much better day today which is also a huge happiness moment. Keep the love coming.


The highs and the lows

Today was a day filled with emotional highs and lows. It was exhausting – but it was a condensed example of how life really is – good and bad, happy and sad, safe and fearful.

I started the day by sending an email to Mr. X asking him if he would consider paying up front for the kids to see the dentist. I have a years worth of unpaid (by him) expenses and I was really hoping he’d step up and help out (he won’t). Then I was gifted a family love miracle by my tribe with an offer of help that will relieve us all of some stress burdens we’ve been carrying. Then I opened my mail and discovered we likely will have to take Mr. X back to court again to sort out the court order he’s refusing to follow. Then I took my computer in to get repaired and even though they warned me all my data was likely lost they recovered it all. Then I sat with my mom as she had a rather difficult evening.

Good and bad, highs and lows. This is life. This is why although often my happiness moments are about events, or my tribe, or my horse, or my home; happiness must come from within – or from God our Source of everything. I can’t depend on outside circumstances to make me happy because they’re in constant change. I need to keep seeking peace within, I need to improve my connection to the Divine, I need to trust in the power of love. That is where happiness stems from.

Please pray for my mom.


I’ll be hope for Christmas

The message in today’s sermon was I’ll be hope for Christmas. The gist of it was that the be of the most important things we must do is have hope. This hope involves being able to have complete faith and trust in God.

There seems to be a lot of uncertainty in my life right now and this was a much needed message. And actually, within about 10 minutes of leaving church, I had a prayer answered. God stuff. I love it.

We need to keep hope.

Mom was able to come out again today for the afternoon. Having the family together in the kitchen – that was happiness from the core of my soul.


Dueling Christmas carols

We started to put up Christmas in the house today. This was accompanied by Christmas carols played and sang loudly. My all time favourite is Mary’s Boy Child, and the boy’s is O Christmas Tree. So we each played ours at top volume and sang out hearts out.

I realized as I was putting up our advent calendar how many wonderful Christmas traditions we have. Most of our away years we came home for the holidays, so most of our traditions are rooted here at the ranch already. Tomorrow we will get our lights up, soon we will get our tree, Christmas music will play until Boxing Day.

I found a photo taken maybe 5 or 6 years ago – my kids are standing in front of our house here and they look like it’s their home. Except it would still be quite a few years before we returned home. None of us ever thought we would be living in this house we have come to love so dearly.

How funny is that. It’s like they were practicing for years to come. Home sweet home. This place has been a safe haven on our road to happiness.


We are all just walking each other home

I’ve been feeling very disconnected lately. Disconnected from God, disconnected from my tribe, disconnected from myself. Knowing that is one thing, changing it is another. And really, since I’ve been kind of mad at God lately that’s where it all starts (and ends).

I sat today and had a conversation with God about how I was feeling like he’d abandoned me. I think we all feel like that sometimes. I said my peace and then got up to carry on with my day – which meant taking a shower.

As soon as I had a head full of shampoo the water pressure dropped and it was obvious I had only a few seconds until I had no water at all. I did my best to squeeze out the soap suds and was mostly successful by the time the water was completely gone.

Because we live in this crazy old house, nothing is simple. Our water comes from the well up the hill and provides for me, the barn, my cousin, and my mom. And it’s all been patched and repaired by generations of ranchers. So you really have to understand the system to make anything work. I have a very basic understanding of the system.

I called my cousin’s husband who ended up being out of town and he sent over my nephew to try and fix it. We went down the hill to the well and FaceTimed for assistance and figured out the problem (broken pipe). My nephew got one of the guys who works on the ranch and they went down and fixed it.

Then they came to our place to turn it on and there was an issue with the pump. It looked like we wouldn’t have water all night, but my cousin in law showed up this evening and magically solved the problem so we have water again. Hooray. Running water is a big deal.

As I was on the hill earlier today I realized how connected we really are, this tribe of mine. It helped me remember how important it is to belong to a group. How we all need each other to get through.

I had a really nice visit with my mom tonight, she was looking better than I’ve seen her in a while. There is a life long connection and one that will carry through the ages.

And so I work on repairing my connection to God. Because if we are all just walking each other home, he is home. And that is happiness.


Transformational healing

One of my favourite healers is in town right now. My dear friend Asrael (also on the top of my list of favorite healers) introduced me to Michel a while ago and now every time he comes to town I’m first in line to see him.

He does transformational acupuncture and I don’t know how to properly explain it except it works miracles on me. I’m not even sure how I feel right now, it usually takes a few days or weeks to fully process all that goes on, but I can feel things have shifted. Things are shifting.

I need to stay focused on what is important. Mr. X and all the financial pressure he bullies us with has been weighing on my mind lately. I need to keep standing up for my kids, he needs to follow the court order, but it gets exhausting. He is not worth my effort, but my kids are so I have to find the balance there. I wish things were different, I wish it wasn’t so difficult, but this is how it is. Divorce from a narcissist. The gift that keeps on giving.

I need to keep sorting through those feelings, letting go as I can. I can’t wait until he’s just somebody that I used to know. And the more I work at releasing the pain of all those years, the closer I am to that happening. And that is happiness.