happiness

Lions and violins and bears – oh my!

My cousin and her crew are visiting us for a couple of days. It’s awesome because I hardly ever get to see her and it always amazes me how easily family bonds. Even though we didn’t grow up together we have enough shared memories that it’s never awkward

We went to the zoo and saw the tigers, the lions, the pandas, and tons of other animals. I hadn’t seen the panda exhibit before and they were enchanting

When we got home, my cousin’s son played his violin for us, and I was amazed at how talented that kid is. As someone with no musical skill at all, I have mad respect for people who can put a tune together. He did that and then some

We are very blessed with this tribe. I am so fortunate.

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happiness

Getting organized

I finally got a bunch of paperwork off to my lawyer today. It doesn’t sound like a happiness moment, and in general nothing to do with my divorce is happy, but I really needed to deal with some of these issues.

I don’t need to prove anything to him, but I need to remind myself that he can’t break me. So even if he won’t do his part, I need to make sure I’m doing mine.

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happiness

the jr high thing

I’m so grateful that my years of being a junior high student are way behind me. Watching my girl go through them makes me remember just how brutal that time of life is. But, I listen to her – and even with the struggles and issues that girls bring up at this age, she’s so strong in her soul. She stands up for her friends, she stands up for herself. Not always, but certainly a lot more than I ever did.

She also has a couple of really kick ass friends. They have each other’s backs no matter what is going on. That makes everything else bearable, it all comes down to our tribe.

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happiness

The mountain of laundry

We attacked the house today – specifically the mountain of laundry, but also the mountain of pet hair (it’s a thing) and the mountain of junk.

Step by step we are getting sorted and organized in this house. It’s been a challenge, moving into a house that has had generations living in it before. There’s lots of stuff, but what makes it slow is the memories. It’s easy to get lost in the memories as we sort through things. Fortunately it’s mostly good memories (mixed with sad missing people emotions) and it’s been fun to share with my kids memories of my grandparents and of their grandparents.

We are so blessed to be here.

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happiness

Everybody’s out

Tonight for the first time in forever we all had plans with friends and went our separate ways

I’m grateful for the closeness we share, but I’m happy they have friends they want to go hang with too. I feel often like all we have been through in the last few years has prevented them from being “normal” teenagers. And maybe that’s a good thing. But I’m happy they’re doing regular teen things now too.

And I’m also grateful for a parenting free night.

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happiness

Out of my comfort zone

I had my riding lesson today – which really is my therapy session.

It’s coming, but I feel like as soon as I get my hands where they need to be, and my elbows at my sides, my knees move, or I lose my balance, or I’m posting on the wrong diagonal (happened today, I was embarrassed).

My horse was farting around and I didn’t get after him for it, so my instructor got after me. Then she said she was working hard to push me out of my comfort zone, because I was so resistant to it.

Ughhhh

That’s the story of my life lately. For years I’ve prayed to be home, grounded, safe, happy. And for years there has been a crisis or trauma of some sort.

So I’m tired. I’m happy to sit quietly in my comfort zone and not make waves. I enjoy being invisible and just taking a few breaths.

But that isn’t life, and it certainly isn’t the way to grow and heal. And I need to continue with my growth and my healing.

Which means I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone.

Not suddenly, not dramatically, but quietly and lovingly. It doesn’t have to be leaps and bounds, but rather consistent, steady steps towards my goals.

It’s the best therapy I could ask for.

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