I have been a fan of Jann Arden for years and for many reasons. First and foremost I love her music, she’s a fellow Calgarian, so she’s one of ours – specifically she’s from the Springbank/Bragg Creek area making our degree of separation that much closer. I’ve seen her in concert and she’s not only has an amazing voice, but she’s hysterically funny. My daughter called her the ya-ya lady for years as we listened to her CD’s over and over in the car (she does tend to ya-ya a lot).

These past few months though, I’ve had a different bond with her. Our Dads were dying at the same time, and we were standing helpless on the side with our hearts breaking. Mine died the end of May, hers the end of August.

She kept a constant stream of posts on her Facebook page allowing those of us who follow her to remain updated on her parents’ health. The time right around when my Dad died it was too painful for me to read, but I’ve kept tabs on her and her family when I could (not in a creepy stalker way…)

Today I was driving through Bragg Creek (ironically) when a Jann Arden song came on the radio. It hit me like that punch in the gut. First I listened to her, then I thought of her dad, then I thought of mine. This thing I am going through that sometimes feels like I am the only one who gets how I feel, is in reality not like that at all. This thing I am going through everyone goes through at some point. Then the decision is how you walk through that thing and whom you choose to have walk along with you.

I feel like I’m holding hands with both Joy and Sadness (and sometimes Anger and Fear) as I go though this. Some of the lessons I’m learning about myself bring me great happiness. Realizing all the loving and thoughtful things my dad did that I’m just starting to realize now that he’s not here to do them anymore brings me both sadness and happiness at the same time. But, I’m very much aware that I’m not alone in this journey. I have friends and family who have been on this path, I have people like Jann who are able to describe so beautifully how this experience feels. Even though her own journey is different than mine, so many of the emotions are the same.

My happiness moment today was driving in the rain through Bragg Creek – even with the clouds it is one of the prettiest drives and brings happiness to my heart – while I listened to Jann Arden sing The Sound Of. (And the best line from that song: life is simple like the wrinkles on my skin)

I just let my heart be happy and sad at the same time. The same way that Mother Nature made the area where I was driving beautiful; with the golden leaves on the trees and the layers of gray clouds resting along the foothills, contrasting with the cold and wet of the rain pelting down on the car. Emotion soup all mixed in together.