Category Archives: gratitude

alberta, country, deer, gratitude, happiness, home, kids, laughter

Deer me 

Jacob and I drove into the yard tonight to be greeted by some of our white tailed, 4 legged friends. While sometimes they can be pests (like in the summer when they eat every single thing we plant), there is a comfort in seeing them in the yard. When they are here it means the predators are not. Plus, they’re kind of cute.

They also are pretty much completely unafraid of us. I have walked right by one that was lying down in the garden before. While she was totally nonplussed I almost had to go home and change pants. We aren’t encouraging them to be house pets.

Jacob yelled at them a little bit from his seat in the car. As you can tell they were very concerned. Not….  When that failed, he got out and had a little yelling episode at them. While they did run, within minutes they were all back in the yard acting like nothing had happened.

Watching Jacob run like a madman across the yard was my laugh out loud happiness moment today

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calgary, dad, death, family, federal hill, gnocchi, gratitude, happiness, home, italian food, mercato, mourning, pasta, rhode island, simon and garfunkel, swans, venda ravioli

Sometimes happiness is a belly full of pasta

One of the perks of living in Rhode Island was that we had easy access to good Italian food (American/Italian food some of it, but the Italian part was strong). One of my favourite things to do was to head up to Federal Hill and go to Venda Ravioli for lunch and some food shopping. I loved everything about that area, but I especially loved sitting outside at Venda Ravioli, near the fountain, and having a beautiful bowl of fresh pasta. It made my soul feel comforted.

After leaving RI we didn’t have easy access to good, fresh, Italian food. One time in Roanoke, Jenna and I made ravioli at home – it was delicious, but it didn’t end up being something we did on a regular basis. All three of us get strong cravings for good, fresh pasta that has been made with love. That’s harder to find than you’d think.

Today we had a doctor’s appointment in Calgary. A big deal since finding a doctor here is not an easy feat. She seems really nice and I think it’s going to be a good fit, so we all left our appointment happy. On the way back out to Cochrane I stopped at our post office to pick up a package. The powers that be at Canada Post have decided that the best place for me to pick up parcels is some obscure place in SW Calgary, nowhere near any place I go.

By the time we were finished with the doctor and had the parcel it was 11:00 so we decided to stop for lunch. Even if we had kept going to Cochrane, by the time the kids had arrived at school it would have been lunch time. So, we slowed down and enjoyed the moment.

I had noticed before that there was an Italian restaurant beside the post office and it had a good vibe so I figured we would try having lunch there. Mercato – a little piece of pasta heaven. The inside was completely different from Venda Ravioli and the owner didn’t come around to the tables serenading us, but the food…. the food brought me right back to my lovely pasta meals by the fountain on Federal Hill.

I ordered gnocchi and the kids had spaghetti and meatballs (how can you ever go wrong with that when you’re a kid?). As soon as the food came the table got very quiet. Besides the odd moan and oh my God this is good there wasn’t a lot we could say. Until we were done that is and Jacob jumped off his chair and ran over to their grocery section and informed us that we were bringing a mini lasagne home for supper.

Today felt like a day that I needed more comforting. I’m not exactly sure why, but the past couple of days I feel like I’ve been missing Dad even more. I keep running into things that remind me of him: Simon and Garfunkel keep playing on the radio, the swans are back on the slough, I had a bunch of things I wanted to talk to him about, the kids keep saying how much they miss him. A few times I’ve forgotten that he’s actually dead and I want to go over to tell him something and then I realize I can’t.  It’s been sad but good as I let those emotions flow through me. I know it’s all part of the process, but I’ve needed a bit more love and comfort.

Sometimes comfort comes in the form of a big bowl of gnocchi. It is more comforting to share that meal with loved ones and there’s no one I would want to share my happiness moment today with than my monsters.


Well… and maybe share a dessert with.

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anxiety, ayurveda, bliss, elephant journal, gratitude, happiness, home, joy, kids, law of attraction, tapping, wayne dyer

I made it myself.

When I first began this journey of happiness I wanted desperately for someone to take my hand and show me the path. I didn’t want to have to do this alone; but not only did I want someone with me, I wanted someone to save me and show me how to live a happier life. I wanted someone to do the work so that I didn’t have to dig deep into those dark areas of my soul and expose them so that I could clear them out.

That white knight never showed up, and I’m pretty sure if I had stayed waiting for him/her I would still be waiting at the end of my dark night of the soul. I would still be hoping things would get better, but not realizing the important role that I needed to play in my own happiness.

Because I didn’t have anyone around to guide me, and because I knew that I wanted to make steps towards a happier life, I realized that the only way to move up was to start climbing myself. It was really hard at first. Actually, for a long time it was brutally hard. Being isolated both in spirit and because I was in a place without anyone that I could talk to about things made it a very lonely time.

Fortunately, I decided that I could use that time of isolation to just shut down and work on myself. I had two goals, to look after myself and to look after the kids.  I worked on building a strong relationship with the kids – and I believe that was a success – we have a tight relationship that hopefully lasts us to the end of time. I knew that I needed to make myself a better version of myself in order to be the kind of friend that attracted people I wanted to hang with. So, I dug in and I worked on it.

My Ayurvedic studies have brought so many positive changes into my life. As a matter of fact, it has completely changed how I live my life and all for the better. Ayurveda led me to the readings of Wayne Dyer whose words calm my soul. I read his works every single day and it makes me feel so good inside. It has helped shift around a lot of old guck I’ve been holding. His writings led me to the Law of Attraction books which altered how I look at the world and how I think about things. I am a firm believer in that Law and I know that I’ve been attracting better and better things into my life.  A while ago I watched a video where Wayne Dyer was talking about tapping and that information has been tingling at the back of my mind for a while. Finally I decided to do some research into it and I’ve been experimenting with myself. It’s quite amazing and powerful and I’m excited to see where that leads me. I’ve felt a lot of things move in the short time I’ve been working with it.

I have found this blog to be so cathartic. It helps me to focus on things that make me happy and to celebrate them. When I first started blogging I had to look really hard for things that made me happy because I really wasn’t feeling it yet. I was still feeling hurt, lost, sad, and confused. Now I have things pop into my mind all the time will this be the happiness moment today?  Sometimes it is, sometimes not, but there are usually many things that make me happy throughout the day. I’m always amazed that anyone actually reads what I’m writing, and it brings me joy the number of people who have told me how much they enjoy reading it.

Today’s happiness moment is one in celebration of Jacob. Both kids have been so good about being the new kid time and time again as we have moved, but I know it’s hard. Jacob was sad last year because he started a new school here only to have to leave it and head to another new one this year. I told him that we lived in a small enough town that he’d still see his friends but I’m not sure he believed me. Tonight as we were getting gas he ran into a couple of friends from his school last year. He jumped out of the car and hung out with them while I filled up. I love that when we go into town now the kids always see someone they know. They already have a strong sense of belonging and we have only been home for 6 months. I suppose that’s because we are home.

It’s good to be home. It’s good to make our own happiness. It’s good to share that happiness with the world.

This photo is from Elephant Journal. If you haven’t checked them out i highly recommend that you do. They bring me inspiration daily. 

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alberta, death, fall, gratitude, happiness, home, jann arden, mountains, mourning

The Sound Of… love, tears, mourning, joy….

I have been a fan of Jann Arden for years and for many reasons. First and foremost I love her music, she’s a fellow Calgarian, so she’s one of ours – specifically she’s from the Springbank/Bragg Creek area making our degree of separation that much closer. I’ve seen her in concert and she’s not only has an amazing voice, but she’s hysterically funny. My daughter called her the ya-ya lady for years as we listened to her CD’s over and over in the car (she does tend to ya-ya a lot).

These past few months though, I’ve had a different bond with her. Our Dads were dying at the same time, and we were standing helpless on the side with our hearts breaking. Mine died the end of May, hers the end of August.

She kept a constant stream of posts on her Facebook page allowing those of us who follow her to remain updated on her parents’ health. The time right around when my Dad died it was too painful for me to read, but I’ve kept tabs on her and her family when I could (not in a creepy stalker way…)

Today I was driving through Bragg Creek (ironically) when a Jann Arden song came on the radio. It hit me like that punch in the gut. First I listened to her, then I thought of her dad, then I thought of mine. This thing I am going through that sometimes feels like I am the only one who gets how I feel, is in reality not like that at all. This thing I am going through everyone goes through at some point. Then the decision is how you walk through that thing and whom you choose to have walk along with you.

I feel like I’m holding hands with both Joy and Sadness (and sometimes Anger and Fear) as I go though this. Some of the lessons I’m learning about myself bring me great happiness. Realizing all the loving and thoughtful things my dad did that I’m just starting to realize now that he’s not here to do them anymore brings me both sadness and happiness at the same time. But, I’m very much aware that I’m not alone in this journey. I have friends and family who have been on this path, I have people like Jann who are able to describe so beautifully how this experience feels. Even though her own journey is different than mine, so many of the emotions are the same.

My happiness moment today was driving in the rain through Bragg Creek – even with the clouds it is one of the prettiest drives and brings happiness to my heart – while I listened to Jann Arden sing The Sound Of. (And the best line from that song: life is simple like the wrinkles on my skin)

I just let my heart be happy and sad at the same time. The same way that Mother Nature made the area where I was driving beautiful; with the golden leaves on the trees and the layers of gray clouds resting along the foothills, contrasting with the cold and wet of the rain pelting down on the car. Emotion soup all mixed in together.

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