An instrument of peace 

Peace seems to be the theme of my life again. I always think of what I’m doing as seeking peace, or looking for peace. But today I sat with the words of St. Francis make me an instrument of thy peace

There is a huge difference between wanting peace and being peace. It made me realize that what I’m really wanting is to become an instrument of His peace. I’m not just looking for it, I want to be it. 

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed again lately and I think I needed a perspective shift. Reminding myself of what it is I really want and setting my intentions is essential. 

I came home this afternoon to see Derek in the yard grazing. I haven’t seen him for a few days (he’s been hanging with his new friend Blindey the blind orphan calf) and I went over to say hi. At first he was causal cool, but after I started rubbing his head in the little spot between his eyes and talking to him he moved in for a full cuddle and kiss 

This dude makes me ridiculously happy. It’s such a simple happiness and peace he has. I realized it’s because he just is. He is an instrument of joy and peace. And my little cuddle with him was my happiness moment. 


Do what calms you 

Learning Ayurveda has truly changed everything about how I live my life. I look at all the emotional events that have happened in the past year and I know that a few years ago I would not have had the strength to deal with them. 

Now I’m dealing with all of these things head on. Not always in the most effective manner at first, but I’m absolutely walking through all the joys and sorrows of life. I’m a better, calmer, happier version of myself. 

I may not have any idea where this new path I’m on is taking me, but I feel deep in my soul that I have the strength to flourish and appreciate every step. 

A big part of what has helped guide me has been developing a meditation practice. I don’t follow the one I was instructed to (I did do it for a long time). Last May, a little before Dad died, I discovered the Moses Code Meditation and completely fell in love with it. When I meditate along with the music I feel myself being drawn into heaven, or drawn towards Source. It’s often very emotional for me as I feel Dad’s presence very strongly – so usually I spend a huge part of my meditation crying. But I love it, and it makes me want to meditate. 

What’s even better is that the kids also love it. They’re drawn to the music on the same instinctual level that I am, although their feelings and reasons are different. We do it nightly, and I never get any complaints that it’s something they don’t want to do. 

My happiness moment – sharing that time of connection to each other and to our Greater Power. Namaste.  

anxiety, ayurveda, bliss, elephant journal, gratitude, happiness, home, joy, kids, law of attraction, tapping, wayne dyer

I made it myself.

When I first began this journey of happiness I wanted desperately for someone to take my hand and show me the path. I didn’t want to have to do this alone; but not only did I want someone with me, I wanted someone to save me and show me how to live a happier life. I wanted someone to do the work so that I didn’t have to dig deep into those dark areas of my soul and expose them so that I could clear them out.

That white knight never showed up, and I’m pretty sure if I had stayed waiting for him/her I would still be waiting at the end of my dark night of the soul. I would still be hoping things would get better, but not realizing the important role that I needed to play in my own happiness.

Because I didn’t have anyone around to guide me, and because I knew that I wanted to make steps towards a happier life, I realized that the only way to move up was to start climbing myself. It was really hard at first. Actually, for a long time it was brutally hard. Being isolated both in spirit and because I was in a place without anyone that I could talk to about things made it a very lonely time.

Fortunately, I decided that I could use that time of isolation to just shut down and work on myself. I had two goals, to look after myself and to look after the kids.  I worked on building a strong relationship with the kids – and I believe that was a success – we have a tight relationship that hopefully lasts us to the end of time. I knew that I needed to make myself a better version of myself in order to be the kind of friend that attracted people I wanted to hang with. So, I dug in and I worked on it.

My Ayurvedic studies have brought so many positive changes into my life. As a matter of fact, it has completely changed how I live my life and all for the better. Ayurveda led me to the readings of Wayne Dyer whose words calm my soul. I read his works every single day and it makes me feel so good inside. It has helped shift around a lot of old guck I’ve been holding. His writings led me to the Law of Attraction books which altered how I look at the world and how I think about things. I am a firm believer in that Law and I know that I’ve been attracting better and better things into my life.  A while ago I watched a video where Wayne Dyer was talking about tapping and that information has been tingling at the back of my mind for a while. Finally I decided to do some research into it and I’ve been experimenting with myself. It’s quite amazing and powerful and I’m excited to see where that leads me. I’ve felt a lot of things move in the short time I’ve been working with it.

I have found this blog to be so cathartic. It helps me to focus on things that make me happy and to celebrate them. When I first started blogging I had to look really hard for things that made me happy because I really wasn’t feeling it yet. I was still feeling hurt, lost, sad, and confused. Now I have things pop into my mind all the time will this be the happiness moment today?  Sometimes it is, sometimes not, but there are usually many things that make me happy throughout the day. I’m always amazed that anyone actually reads what I’m writing, and it brings me joy the number of people who have told me how much they enjoy reading it.

Today’s happiness moment is one in celebration of Jacob. Both kids have been so good about being the new kid time and time again as we have moved, but I know it’s hard. Jacob was sad last year because he started a new school here only to have to leave it and head to another new one this year. I told him that we lived in a small enough town that he’d still see his friends but I’m not sure he believed me. Tonight as we were getting gas he ran into a couple of friends from his school last year. He jumped out of the car and hung out with them while I filled up. I love that when we go into town now the kids always see someone they know. They already have a strong sense of belonging and we have only been home for 6 months. I suppose that’s because we are home.

It’s good to be home. It’s good to make our own happiness. It’s good to share that happiness with the world.

This photo is from Elephant Journal. If you haven’t checked them out i highly recommend that you do. They bring me inspiration daily. 


In all His glory

I was lying in bed reading Wayne Dyer’s book Getting in the Gap and learning about finding those quiet moments with God through meditation. I had just put down the book, and was practicing The Lord’s Prayer with his meditation and finding the quiet gap between words when Mom called me. She said we needed to run outside and look nothing west fast before the sun went down. 

It’s like God heard me getting in that quiet space and connecting with Him and reminded me of all the glory He is capable of. This amazing beauty that is here for all the world to see. No matter where we are or how much money we have or what we think our personal value is, this beauty is here in the world for us. 

I’m blessed that I got to stand outside and share this peaceful and loving sky with my loved ones. Happiness. 


I can see clearly now 

I was out walking with Jenna this afternoon and looked west and thought I can see clearly now

Like an onion (thanks Shrek) this thought had many layers. I literally could see clearly now, we have had insane smoke from the Washington fires all week and we haven’t been able to see much of anything. In my life I am starting to see things more and more clearly than I ever have. I have had a man help guide me to this clearer way of thinking, a man I never met but one that had huge impact on the blossoming of my new life. A man who wrote the book I can see clearly now – Wayne Dyer who I found out as I started writing my blog passed away today. 

I looked on Facebook before blogging and saw a post from a dear friend that her step dad had passed away last night, that post was followed by Wayner Dyer’s page making the announcement of his passing. So I sat and cried for a little while. 

When I realized a couple of years ago that I needed to start reaching for happier feelings and for better things, Wayne Dyer and his writings found their way into my life. Though he need knew who I was he held my hand and helped walk me to a better place. I deeply appreciate the gifts he gave from his spirit. 

On my walk, before I had my moment of standing and seeing clearly, I had been thinking of Dad. I had thought of other friends who had lost parents and how gut wrenching it is. I had been contemplating how I was handling his death and how and if I would heal those wounds. As I stood looking at my mountains I felt it all just was ok. Not that I was ok about his death, but that the process was ok. It’s just part of the path. The joy and the sorrow mix together. 

The happiness moment was standing looking west and seeing clearly. 


The Music Inside Of You

One of my favourite quotes these days is by Dr. Wayne Dyer “Don’t die with your music still in you.” It helps remind me that we need to do what we were put to do here in this life – and that we need to do it now. 

Watching this little girl, Ella, made me really think about the fact that we are also born with music already in us. It comes in many different shapes and forms. But all of us have music that is right inside of us from the moment we hit the ground.

So often we stuff our music up inside, press the mute button on our lives, ignore our songs. What if we all just gave it out like this little one does?

When Jenna was younger the only music that would make her stop crying in the car was Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas. It had to be played at top volume on repeat. Jenna was about the same age as this little girl, but she was in a front facing car seat (it was 8 years ago) and I got to watch her sing/dance to the song in the rearview mirror. She loved it. Totally inappropriate for such a little thing, but the Black Eyed Peas always put her in a happy mood.

Aside from the general cuteness, and her ripping out the music that is inside of her, another thing that makes my heart smile about this video is how fully she loves her dad, and how engaged he is with her. They both really seem to be enjoying this moment. She sure wants to share her song with him and he’s not too busy being an adult to hear her sing it. The world could use more of that.

I’ve been watching this video all day. I’ve made the kids watch it. I’ve both laughed and cried every single time I’ve watched it. If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, my favourite part starts at 4:10. This is my happiness moment for day 30 (30 days already!!) of my 44 days of happiness.


Pay attention!

Yesterday I was at the dentist getting my teeth cleaned. I loathe going to the dentist, but oh how I love the feeling of clean teeth!
While I was waiting I opened my kindle. I’m reading “You’ll See It When You Believe It” by Wayne Dyer. Hit the page turn and the next page was this:


Which is exactly the phrase I blogged about I the other day the other day

It’s still knocking at my door. I’m paying attention.


Like Waves in the Ocean

We drove home from a most enjoyable, relaxing, exciting, laugh-filled few days at the beach yesterday. Yesterday morning after breakfast Jenna and I decided to walk to the King Neptune statue and back for our last beach walk. We forgot that just because the weather  can be sunny and look warm and inviting that cold water air can make things less than ideal. We made it almost to Neptune before turning around and running back to the hotel to warm up. Since our last walk had been not exactly what we had wanted we decided to take another stab at it a couple of hours later (a bonus of having got up so early – we had lots of time to enjoy there before having to drive home).

Jacob joined us and we started by throwing a ball at the shoreline. The kids got involved in a game of their own and I left to walk by myself along the water. Deep in thought I began to ponder what coming back home would mean. It was so nice for a few days to just leave all the daily blah behind, but now my mind turned to coming back, selling the house, moving on. I thought of how this would be the first place ever that I left where I never felt like I had settled in and how incredibly lonely the past few years had been. I began to feel quite sorry for myself even letting a few drops of my salty tears leak out the sides of my eyes. As this leaking happened I began to think of a passage in the book I’d been reading by Wayne Dyer. I had summarized it in my head while walking, but here I’ll put the passage in the way he wrote it:

“You are a divine creation of God. You can never be separate from that which created you. If you think of God as the ocean and yourself as a container you may find it helpful in moments of doubt, or when you feel lost or alone, to remember that you are a container of God. When you dip your glass into the ocean, what you have is a glass of God. It’s not as big or as strong, but it’s still God. As long as you refuse to believe otherwise you won’t feel separate from God.

Think of a drop of water from the ocean of abundance that’s separated from it’s source. Separated from it’s source, that droplet of water will ultimately evaporate and return to its source. The point is that while it’s in liquid form, disconnected from its source, it loses the power of its source. This is the essence of the secret of always treasuring your divinity.

When you’re separated in your mind from your source, you lose your divine power, the power of your source. Just like the drop of water, you too will change form and ultimately return to your source. as long as you feel disconnected from God, you lose the power of your source, which is the unlimited power to create, to be miraculous, and to experience the joy of being alive. The drop of water, disconnected from its divine source, symbolizes your ego.” (10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace by Wayne Dyer)

As I was walking and thinking about this I started looking at the footprints on the sand and I began to realize that even though I was walking on the beach alone, there were signs everywhere of other people (and dogs and horses) who had travelled the exact path I was on in the not so distant past, in fact I could see people who I had never met ahead of me:




I turned to thinking about something I’d learned in my Ayurveda course called the Wave Concept. Basically this is that we are all like waves on the ocean. We may feel that we are all individual waves bobbing along in the ocean, but underneath that wave we are all bound together. Sometimes our awareness of the ocean beneath us has been cut off, so we see each wave as separate, unique, individual and isolated. However, beneath each and every wave is that same ocean holding us all together.

As I had the thought of how I’m not so separate and am just one of many waves bobbing along in the ocean tied to all the other waves I had the feeling that I needed to turn around and look back at where I’d been walking. When I did I saw this:


Those two tiny “waves” running along the shoreline together giggling their heads off chasing to catch up with me to join me on my walk are the two waves that make my whole world light up. . There is no solo wave out there in the ocean, we are all bound together. I am so blessed to have these waves surfing along with me. They caught up with me and we took our first beach selfie: