Flashlights in the yard 

This evening I grabbed my flashlight to head over to my mom’s. As I got into the yard (field I guess it is), I saw another flashlight bobbing through the darkness. We yelled and flashed our lights obnoxiously  at each other while we laughed. It was my nephew heading home after feeding Derek the calf. 

Oh Derek. He’s so cute

We stood in the driveway and somehow got on the topic of the hardships involved in being the oldest sibling (the oldest vs youngest has been a longstanding joke between me, my kids, and my nephew and niece). We both agreed that as the oldest ones we had issues that could never be properly appreciated by the youngests. Then we laughed knowing that all of us really have pretty charmed and blessed lives. It was a great happiness moment. I’m so thankful there is family so close by so those kind of impromptu visits can happen. 


An instrument of peace 

Peace seems to be the theme of my life again. I always think of what I’m doing as seeking peace, or looking for peace. But today I sat with the words of St. Francis make me an instrument of thy peace

There is a huge difference between wanting peace and being peace. It made me realize that what I’m really wanting is to become an instrument of His peace. I’m not just looking for it, I want to be it. 

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed again lately and I think I needed a perspective shift. Reminding myself of what it is I really want and setting my intentions is essential. 

I came home this afternoon to see Derek in the yard grazing. I haven’t seen him for a few days (he’s been hanging with his new friend Blindey the blind orphan calf) and I went over to say hi. At first he was causal cool, but after I started rubbing his head in the little spot between his eyes and talking to him he moved in for a full cuddle and kiss 

This dude makes me ridiculously happy. It’s such a simple happiness and peace he has. I realized it’s because he just is. He is an instrument of joy and peace. And my little cuddle with him was my happiness moment. 


Let go, let go… and Derek 

My thing continues to be learning how to let go. The massage I had on Monday moved around some pretty powerful stuff. He even asked part way through if I was having a big emotional reaction to what was happening. I replied oh kind of, there’s a storm forming in my stomach filled with stuff I’d rather not deal with. So that’s great. And that stuff has slowly been letting go ever since. The process itself is kind of yucky, but the knowledge that some of that really painful stuff is leaving my body is awesome. 

It’s all stuff I’ve known about, but things I didn’t quite know how to let go of. It comes with learning how to forgive myself. Even though it wasn’t my action that needed being forgiven, I struggled with the fact that I had allowed it and that was painful enough. I think I’m now in a place where I can let it go, and I have this awesome energetic spiritual support team who can help me with it. 

All of that stuff brewing around in me today kind of felt more like a sadness moment as I had to acknowledge some things I wanted to forget, but really it’s a happiness moment as I put memories in the past. 

My laughing happiness moment came this morning as my niece showed up in my yard to wash Derek’s butt.

 I was weeding my garden and suddenly my job seemed pretty darn awesome in comparison. Derek is so cuddly and after being bathed came into my garden to help me with my weeding 

He’s so cute and loves being around us so much. I have mad respect for all the struggles this little orphan has been through and yet is so determined to survive. He’s a little stinky, cuddly bundle of happiness. 


Yard work 

Today was a day to put life back in order. I spent a few hours outside dealing with the jungle that has grown up over the last couple of weeks thanks to all the rain.

It felt good to get out and dig in the dirt a little, but it felt even better to have that solitary time to sit in my heart space and balance out my feelings. I seem to really need a little of that time every day to just come back in tune with myself. It helps me to fill up my cup so I have enough to share. 

Derek came back into the yard to visit me. He’s been off pretending to be a horse the last few days and I’ve missed him. Not the little surprises he leaves me in the yard, but I miss his presence. The dogs seemed to have missed him too 

I can’t quite explain it, but there’s something about that guy that brings e a lot of happiness. I think in part it’s that he finds the same sort of peace and security in our home that we do.