FOMO – or the Fear Of Missing Out – is a real condition and it runs strong in my family. So I come by it honestly.

I used to push myself to do things that I maybe didn’t really want to do because of FOMO. I would go places and do things that my inner being knew I didn’t really need to do because of FOMO. What if something fun happened and I wasn’t there?

Then I got brought to my knees by anxiety. Well, to be more accurate it kind of crept up on me until it finally had weakened me enough to bring me to my knees.

I had to reassess everything. What kind of life did I want to live, how did I want to live it?

I went from being a regular, quiet, introverted type, someone who was generally pretty happy with life, to someone who was so overridden with anxiety I was having a difficult time getting through basic daily activities. I ended up with FOMA – or Fear Of My Anxiety. I started being afraid of doing things because I was afraid it would give me anxiety. I wasn’t just not doing things that made me anxious – but living with a fear of things that could make me anxious.

Not a fun way to live.

One day I realized that if this was ever going to change I was going to have to deal with both FOMO and FOMA, and that I was going to have to deal with it myself. I was very aware that living 2,000 miles from my home and my emotional support system left me in a place where I was going to have to dig deep and figure this out myself. I had two little ones who needed me to be emotionally present for them and who I needed to give my emotional support to. They’re probably going to grow up and say “Gawd mom was such a mess”, but I’d prefer it wasn’t because of this issue.

I accepted that for me FOMA and FOMO were intertwined. I didn’t want to miss out on anything, sometimes I felt the need to be a part of the activities to make sure they ran properly (control – a fear based issue). It took me a while to realize that in the grand scheme of things *I* wasn’t that important. All those things would keep on happening whether or not I was there. Wouldn’t it be much nicer to pick and choose and participate in those activities that genuinely brought me happiness? To be present and focused in the activities I was involved in?

My cure for FOMO? The joking understanding that nothing fun happens if I’m not there anyway. I know this isn’t true, and that tons of fun things happen every second of every day that I don’t participate in. But, do I really need to be a part of everything?

Dealing with the FOMA? This took lots of time. I pretty much stopped everything and rebooted myself. I cocooned for a while and looked after myself. For the first time in my life I actually put myself and my needs first and really looked after myself. I began separating myself from people and activities that increased my anxiety (this was the most difficult and most important thing I did).  I looked long and hard at the things that had to get done and prioritized them. Knowing that I was not going to be doing everything but that the things I was doing were things that were important to me. Knowing that I wasn’t missing out on anything because the things that I was now doing were bringing me more happiness and more meaning.

Spending two months at home this past summer in a nurturing and caring environment helped boost me right over the top from where I felt I was dealing with my anxiety to where I felt like I was fearless of my anxiety. Amazing how a good dose of being grounded and loved and reminded of who you are at the core of your being will do that.

Since that I have been working on being Fearless. Before this would have meant that I did anything I was challenged to do no matter what my inner voice told me. That I never showed fear. That I was always brave That I met every challenge with little regard for my personal consequence. Now, being Fearless has an entirely different meaning. Fearless to me now means that I don’t have to live with that feeling like I’m not being true to myself. As long as I’m being true to who I really am I’m confident with my life and happy with my choices. I don’t feel like I’m missing out because I’m doing the things I really want to do. I’m living a more peaceful and blissful life. I’m not quite where I want to be yet, but at least I can see that I’m walking on the path. That makes me grateful with each breath I take.

There is another side to living with Anxiety. It is possible to get through it and move on to finding true happiness and joy. I feel more bliss now when I’m living in my sweet spot than I ever have before. This does not mean that there aren’t times when I feel anxious, or times when I’m sure I’m missing out on all kinds of fun. What it means is that I’m becoming more comfortable and relaxed in knowing that I’m on the path to freedom.