I hadn’t really planned on double posting, but as I was out hacking at the 50 foot weeds in my vegetable garden tonight I was reflecting on what I’d said in my earlier post, and thinking about what I had meant to write about. 

I find usually my blogs take on a life of their own and no matter what I have planned, my fingers and heart just do what they want. 

What I had been reflecting on during my ride this afternoon though is worth making note of. I was thinking of my strength and how I recently came from a place of such weakness. When I fell apart my sprit and body were both broken. Smashed and crushed may also be accurate terms. I had to fix everything. 

I feel like I’ve spent the past few years working on my spirit and I know that it’s getting stronger and finding its voice and gaining confidence. Sometimes though I feel like my body has been so much slower to follow suit.  In order for me to be who I want to be I need both a strong body and a strong spirit. In my youth I was an athlete and strong. I had a brief period in my mid 30s where I was strong again, but I have felt like in this rebuilding process that my body seems to be taking longer than I want it to to gain strength. 

Lately though, I’m finding that in fact I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Often over the past few years things have happened where I’ve needed either external or internal strength and I’ve looked around for someone to lean on, someone to help with the burden. More often than not the only adult in the situation has been me and I’ve had to figure out how to dig deep and get through. 

  
I realized today how I’m getting more able to dig deep in the physical as well as the spiritual. When we were tacking up the horses I was the only adult around. So it fell to me to saddle and check cinches and bridles. Having grown up riding English, this usually is a pretty easy task. But here at the ranch we ride western, and those saddles are heavy!! I’m lucky because my saddle is light and comfy, but some of those other ones….. Oh my. 

I let Jenna use my saddle today and I  borrowed my nephew’s. I have actually decided that my new threat of punishment will be to carry his saddle around for a while. It is heavy!! Like throw up in my mouth a little and cry inside while trying to aim it in the general direction of my horse while not breaking his poor back heavy. 

But I did it. I put the saddle on the horse not just once but twice today. I was strong enough. I can dig deep. I’m stronger than I know. It’s kind of cool to finally be able to accept and celebrate the growing of strength.