The idea that instead of analyzing the darkness, we should bring in the light is a concept that has held my attention for the past few weeks. As I keep searching and reaching for happier feelings and thoughts, I really don’t want to get caught up in the black clouds that surrounded me during the dark night of my soul times.
There’s a part of me that keeps saying that some of that darkness needs to be at least acknowledged. That it’s not going to go away until I honour the fact that it’s there and figure out how to let it go.
Today I had an appointment with my Ayurvedic Practitioner, Asrael. She’s awesome. I talked about this with her a little bit and she helped me look at if from an entire different perspective.
As many of us do, I had an episode happen that was so horrific that it forever changed who I am (it does not matter what this episode was – well to me it does – but so many of us have had that moment in time where something became broken inside of us, either by a loved one or by a stranger or some life event). On the rare occasions that I force myself to go back and look at it I can feel the hurt and anguish and pain all the way through my body. I have felt for years that it’s something that I will never fully heal from and be able to move on into a healthier pattern. It was, however, an episode that made me decide to change how I lived my life and made me start putting me as a priority instead of (literally) killing myself in order to make other people happy.
So, what if instead of this being a moment of horror and terror and pain, instead it was a gift? A gift in the beginning of my new life. At that moment I had a choice as to how I was going to move ahead. I decided to put the oxygen mask on myself and start reaching for better things in my life. It was my moment of rebirth in a sense.
It has helped me begin to push out some of that lingering darkness that I didn’t know what to do about and bring in more light. Today I had the first (huge) step in the process of healing a hugely deep hurt and that is my happiness moment for the day.