happiness

Feet on the ground

I spent a lot of time today taking about faith and life and other good, deep stuff. First with a cousin/life long friend and then with the boy. It was almost like one conversation flowed into the next one even though they happened hours apart – it was pretty cool. 

I need those kinds of chats that let me explore where I am in my faith and how other people see theirs. 

The boy summed up our anxiety issue well tonight. We were talking about horses and basketball and how they ground us and open our spiritual paths (horses for me, basketball and other sports for him). He said it’s true what they say – depression is worrying about the past, anxiety is worrying about the future. We need to find the  things that help put our feet on the ground right now in the present moment and live in it. 

Wise words from a 15 year old. 

That’s what today did for me, and what I’m working at balancing into – finding the things that keep my feet on the ground and focusing on the present moment. 

My tribe. It’s full of  awesome and wise people. Happiness. 

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happiness

Derek and laughter

Derek the orphan calf moved out to the field a few weeks ago. While I have not missed the little presents he left in my yard (however they provided endless that’s bullshit jokes), I miss seeing his little face peering in my window looking for me to come give him cuddles.

I decided this afternoon it was time to go give dear Derek a visit so we headed out to the field. It apparently was nap time as he, Blindey, and the two cows they’ve been put with were all lying down. The other three got up and stared at me with caution (but didn’t move away) and Derek just perked his eyes up and stayed where he was. I went and sat beside him and we cuddled and cuddled for a good long time.

It’s important to note here that I am not a cow person. A horse, dog, cat, etc etc person yes – I’ve never really wanted to bond to a bovine. But Derek… oh Derek…. he captured my heart.

It was so sweet how he leaned right into my arms and really wanted those hugs so badly. Amazing how all us animals just want to be loved. Happiness moment right there.

As a bonus, when we got home Jacob played for me a couple of videos that had him laughing all day. We may have discovered the cure for depression – snorting, hiccuping, laughter.

No idea what he’s saying but omg is it funny

a man yodelling with chickens – what more do you need?

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An Unexpected Gift

The idea that instead of analyzing the darkness, we should bring in the light is a concept that has held my attention for the past few weeks. As I keep searching and reaching for happier feelings and thoughts, I really don’t want to get caught up in the black clouds that surrounded me during the dark night of my soul times.

And yet…

There’s a part of me that keeps saying that some of that darkness needs to be at least acknowledged. That it’s not going to go away until I honour the fact that it’s there and figure out how to let it go.

Today I had an appointment with my Ayurvedic Practitioner, Asrael. She’s awesome. I talked about this with her a little bit and she helped me look at if from an entire different perspective.

As many of us do, I had an episode happen that was so horrific that it forever changed who I am (it does not matter what this episode was – well to me it does – but so many of us have had that moment in time where something became broken inside of us, either by a loved one or by a stranger or some life event). On the rare occasions that I force myself to go back and look at it I can feel the hurt and anguish and pain all the way through my body. I have felt for years that it’s something that I will never fully heal from and be able to move on into a healthier pattern. It was, however, an episode that made me decide to change how I lived my life and made me start putting me as a priority instead of (literally) killing myself in order to make other people happy.

So, what if instead of this being a moment of horror and terror and pain, instead it was a gift? A gift in the beginning of my new life. At that moment I had a choice as to how I was going to move ahead. I decided to put the oxygen mask on myself and start reaching for better things in my life. It was my moment of rebirth in a sense.

It has helped me begin to push out some of that lingering darkness that I didn’t know what to do about and bring in more light. Today I had the first (huge) step in the process of healing a hugely deep hurt and that is my happiness moment for the day.

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