Safety, grounding, flying free

I have been thinking lately of the irony of the feelings of safety, security, and grounding that I get from living in this old house that has looked over so many generations of my family. Getting grounded and centred back into my self has been a huge part of my healing journey. But the fact remains that while I find comfort here, this home only exists because of the adventurous will of my ancestors. Had they not had the strength to leap out of their comfort zones and abandon all the safety and security in their lives for an unknown, pioneer life in the West; I would not have this house to sit in.

I’ve been feeling lately like I’m sitting on the edge of a huge cliff. I’ve been climbing and climbing for a couple of years now getting to the place where I do feel some grounding and safety. Now that I’m (kind of) there it’s like I’m being asked to free fall off into the unknown. I don’t like heights and I don’t like falling. Yet that is what I’m being called to do.

Unlike my ancestors, my adventure quest isn’t asking me to pack up and head out on a physical adventure. In fact, that is what the last 10 years of my life have been about. Those years almost lead to the complete destruction of my soul, but also to the building up of myself into a stronger, more humble, better version of myself.

The quest that I’m being called to take now is an adventure of my inner soul. It’s scary and I have a thousand reasons why I’m not prepared for it, but still…. I’m being called. I can feel the past couple of weeks that I’ve been edging closer and closer to my free fall off into this journey of faith.

Today’s happiness moment was a visit with my cousin and her husband. They live just far enough away that we don’t see each other as often as I would like. And often when I see them it’s at a larger family function so visiting isn’t as intimate. Getting to visit in a quiet and relaxed manner was such a treat. She’s just enough older than I am that she’s always been one of the cool cousins who I looked up to, and she was kind enough to put up with me when I was an annoying younger kid following her around. Lord, I made her sing the found a peanut song a million times one summer…



Purple hair

My happiness moment of the day was going to be that I got the purple highlights in my hair redone today. I first put them in late last fall and I LOVE them. They’re subtle enough that it doesn’t scream purple yet bright enough you can see the purple. Funky hair is fun. 

But then I was taking a selfie to show off the purple and Jacob photo bombed me. We laughed. I told him to butt out. 

So I took another one and he photo bombed me AGAIN. I love it when the kids are funny. It means they’re relaxed enough to joke around. 

Here’s a front on. 

Here’s a better purple view 

You can’t even see them all that well. But they’re there. My hairdresser liked them so much she was going to do her hair after I left. 

Purple power. I’ve got purple everywhere and will soon write about how purple fits into my coming out is the dark night of the soul.