I feel like this week has been full of wasted energy. Sprinkled in with some really good uses of my energy. It’s all that worrying, stressing, wasted mind energy on things I can’t change that I’ve really struggled with. As I’ve said before, I waste a lot of energy stressing about things I can’t do anything about. They’re real, and they’re scary, and they cause me to be upset, but there is no action I can do to change any of it (I get that there is action I can do to change my reaction to it – that’s what I’m working on).

Today was a really good example. We had an open house. I’ve worked hours and hours this week on the house trying to keep it looking really nice so that someone will come buy it. Even though it was the coldest day we’ve had yet this winter and I was pretty sure it would be a quiet day here I worked and worked and stressed and stressed getting the house ready. Not only is it stressful for me this whole emotional thing of moving, but it’s really stressful for the kids. So, I have to moderate my stress and try and love and nurture them to help diminish their upset feelings as well. It takes a real toll. Even though we all want to move, and are looking forward to the move, it’s still very emotional having people come through the house, living in limbo, waiting.

One thing I have learned as I’ve been building myself back up is how completely emotionally and physically depleted I was. So, the reality is I only have so much energy to give to certain things – even if I choose to spend all my energy on something. It does not take a lot to drain me right now. I’m so much stronger than I once was, but not nearly as strong as I want to be (and as I was before).

I wasted so much energy stressing about things this week that while they are influencing my life, I can’t do anything about, and I certainly can’t make better by stressing about them. All it does is make me tired and anxious and less me.  I want to be a better me, have more fun with the kids, be a better friend, enjoy life, find happiness. Wasting energy on things that I can’t change does not do that.

I can still feel huge energy shifts from my yoga class yesterday which I think is a good thing, but has me more emotionally exhausted than normal. But, I can feel that stuff shifting on out. Lots of emotions moving.

My happiness moment for my 21st day of the 44 days of happiness came at our library. We have the best library, it has lots of books, an amazing mountain view (with huge windows), a coffee shop, lots of computers, an awesome teen room (where my monsters go and play on the computer, or on the x-box, or hang out with the other kids, or *shocking* read a book. We went there today during the open house. It was so uplifting and enjoyable and free. Lucky us!