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I ain’t missing you at all….

This morning I was listening to John Wait’s Missing You which apparently led me into a morning of self-reflection. The kids have been sick the past couple of days and as a result we have had the opportunity to completely slow down, which has given me time to reflect and read and work and play. Listening to this song this morning made me think of who-I-used-to-be. I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about who-I-really-am and how do I get to living that authentic life on a continuous basis. Lately I’ve realized that who-I-used-to-be and who-I-really-am are actually pretty close to the same thing.

In my mid 20s I made 4 major decisions that altered the course of my life. It doesn’t really matter what those decisions were – they were made long ago and with the best of intentions for my future, but as a result of those choices I went from a life on purpose to a life on default.

What does that mean? I used to be a dreamer, I had ideas of doing fun-filled and exciting things with my life. They were always a little unconventional, but being a bit different was something I used to embrace about myself. I may not always have been 100% sure about where the path I was on was going to take me, but I always was certain that I was enjoying the ride there.

When I switched to a life on default, I gave up on my dreams, I decided to take the safe route and choose stability over dreams and fun. Although I had no idea at the time, the result of this meant I was no longer being authentic to myself. Instead of being the star of my own life I chose to become a supporting character in other people’s lives. So, instead of writing my own life story on purpose the things that happened in my life happened in a supporting role, on default.

The result of this is that I have become one of those women in their 40s sitting with a basket full of unfulfilled dreams. The good thing is that I have now realized that I am the author of my own life story and that it is not only possible, but necessary for me to live a life on purpose. To realize that I can live with intention and passion and joy because all of that is my birthright.

I took the kids home this summer for our longest trip back in 9 years. Those 9 years have been fun, busy child-raising years – but they also have been difficult and unsettling years. We have moved several times – across Canada and to two different states. I really wanted them home for an extended time for many reasons, but one of them was that I wanted them to get to see who-I-used-to-be. I felt that they only knew a stressed out and unsettled mom and I thought it was important that they knew that I used to be a fearless badass. The unexpected bonus of this trip was that *I* remembered who-I-used-to-be and realized that that still is who-I-really-am.

If I could rewind time I would go back and do the opposite of those 4 choices I made. But, there are many things about the life that I live now that are wonderful and beautiful and fun and I would never, ever trade them for the world. So, I will live with the life I’ve created quite happily. However, it’s wonderful to know that I now also have the ability to create my own future.

I thought taking the safe route would lead to security and stability and in reality it did exactly the opposite. Which, as I was singing badly but happily (even more happily when the kids started covering their ears telling me to stop, because that is funny) to my song this morning, made me think “If I had followed those dreams earlier in life I probably wouldn’t be in any worse shape than I am now, except I would have known that I tried.” Instead of that being a sad thought it was actually quite empowering. What do I have to lose now by following dreams? Seriously.

I think it’s freaking awesome that we all get to write our own life stories and that we can choose to live our life on purpose!

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My Source, My Balance, My Ayurveda…

I was doing some work for my Ayurveda class today and while daydreaming got to thinking about this blog and how it’s a blog about Ayurveda, but it may not always appear to be about Ayurveda. But in a very deep sense it is all about Ayurveda. One of the things that is stressed in my studies is connection to the Source. Without connecting yourself to Your True Self, and The Source; you will never be able to maintain a proper balance – which is vital for true health.

A lot of what I write about here is how I’m discovering my own connection to The Source. To awaking and opening My True Self, which lives inside me, and connecting to The Source which is everywhere. You can call The Source whatever you want (God, The Universe…) but I’m understanding that there is a urgent need within me to realign myself with The Source and with who-I-really-am. This alignment is the balance that we search for in our spiritual lives but also in our physical lives. This keeps us healthy in body, mind and soul. Ayurveda is a lifestyle of keeping your body and soul in balance for optimal health. Learning how to achieve that balance is quickly becoming my life’s work.

For most of my life I have believed that the only way to achieve things is to work hard. To get out there and *do* something to prove myself.  To suffer through things to get to the reward at the end. Lately I’ve been thinking…. what if that’s not the best way to go about things? Because all the hard work in the world isn’t going to bring freedom, happiness and peace if I haven’t followed my bliss, balanced my soul, connected to The Source.

What if, instead, the way to achieve the things I want in life is to stop and balance my soul?

Because I feel like I have spent years running like mad on a treadmill and not getting anywhere. Sweating, crying, swearing but not actually moving and missing a lot of the fun.

When I first started my studies I learned that pretty much any condition that a patient would come in for – anxiety, high blood pressure, blood clotting issues, weight gain/loss, you name it – one of the standard prescriptions is to include meditation twice daily into your lifestyle. I understood this on a basic level that it was a good thing to slow down and connect yourself to Source, but lately I’ve been understanding it on an entirely different level. If we aren’t connected and balanced we can’t enjoy good health. If we aren’t listening to that inner voice that guides us and tells us what our dharma, our bliss, our reason for being is then we aren’t in balance and can’t enjoy perfect health. Connecting to that Inner Self and aligning it with the Source, the Higher Power, is how we achieve balance, bliss, and health.

No amount of running around and fixing things on the outside is going to fix what’s broken on the inside.

My reading this morning pretty much summed up all of these thoughts that I’d been mulling over on my walk this morning (this is why my walks are so important). Here’s an excerpt:

The primary reason that people feel a shortage of time is because they are trying to get too much leverage out of their action. If you are unaware of the power of alignment and are making little or no effort at finding your personal alignment—if you are overwhelmed or angry or resentful or ornery, and from those emotional perspectives, you are then offering your action to try to accomplish things—you are very likely experiencing a severe shortage of time.

There simply is not enough action in the world to compensate for the misalignment of Energy, but when you care about how you feel and you tend to your vibrational balance first, then you experience what feels like a cooperative Universe that seems to open doors for you everywhere. The physical effort required of someone who is in alignment is a fraction of that required to someone who is not. The results experienced by someone who is in alignment are tremendous in comparison with the results experienced by someone who is not. If you are feeling a shortage of time or money, your best effort would be to focus upon better-feeling thoughts, to make long lists of positive aspects, to look for reasons to feel good, and to do more things that make you feel good when you do them. Taking the time to feel better, to find positive aspects, to align with who-you-really-are, will net you tremendous results and help you balance your time much more effectively.

Hicks, Esther; Hicks, Jerry (2008-08-12). Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness (Kindle Locations 3585-3591). Hay House. Kindle Edition.

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There simply is not enough action in the world to compensate for the misalignment of Energy. These were powerful words to me. Because I can guarantee that I spent a massive amount of energy on action trying to compensate for the misalignment of Energy. And paid for it dearly. The good thing is that my body and soul are forgiving. I can feel now that I am coming into a better balance that I have more energy, I’m happier, I am accomplishing more but *doing* less. I am so thankful for that shift.

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