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Friendships

Including the weekend, the kids have had 5 days off from school. It’s cancelled tomorrow as well so we are sure of at least 6 home days. They’ve been good days to relax and recharge, but by today Jenna (my social child) was getting a bit bored and anxious to see someone who wasn’t well… her brother or me.

Fortunately there is a girl her age whose grandparents live across the street and she was visiting them today. This girl lived with the grandparents for the first few months that we lived here, then they moved away until this past fall. It’s fun to watch their friendship. They were good friends before this other girl moved, and even though they didn’t keep in contact at all while they were apart, they’re still good friends now.

These girls played outside in the cold weather and the snow for a good 5 hours today. Sledding, building forts, running around and basically having a good time.

This place has been a lonely one for all of us and it warmed my heart to see Jenna out there having so much fun with a good friend.

It got me thinking about my friendships. When we moved to Quebec I was extremely fortunate and I met an excellent group of ladies who became close friends of mine. It was the first time since I had my group of riding friends when I was younger where I had this larger base of people I was close to, but not related to. In Rhode Island I had lots of friends, although not as close. And here –  very few friends, more acquaintances – not close – fortunately, one that I’d call a real true friend (although, to be fair one good friend is all I need).

I made a conscious decision about friends when we moved here. I realized I was not attracting the types of people I wanted in my life. I was bringing in people who weren’t bringing out the best in me, not making me want to be a better person, and some of them were just plain mean and hurtful. I understood that in order to have better friends, I needed to learn how to be a better friend. So I stopped. I withdrew for a long period of self reflection. I picked out the things that I really wanted in friendships, and I started working on making those aspects stronger in myself.

I can tell it’s working because my lifelong friendships with friends and family back home have strengthened substantially. I’ve worked really hard to put efforts back into those relationships and grow and strengthen them. The relationships I have with my kids have strengthened in ways that bring me joy on a daily basis. I can see that finally I’m becoming the friend I’ve always wanted.

Years ago we were in Italy for my cousin’s wedding and I saw two little old ladies wandering arm in arm up the street. They were weaving from side to side because they were laughing so hard, and they were arm in arm to hold each other up as they dissolved in giggles. At that moment I decided to make it a mission to make sure I had a friend like that to grow old with.

I’m lucky because there’s a strong *girl power* influence in my extended family. With a sister and numerous girl cousins (I have some pretty awesome boy cousins too), I am fortunate to have a girl tribe back home that will always be my dear friends.

I also been deepening my friendships with childhood friends, old riding friends, friends from school. Friendships I had neglected for too long, but finally have enough *good* stuff to put back into a relationship to make it functional. I’ve also let go of that need to try and present a perfect front. You are my friend then you get me warts and all. It makes for more honest relationships and trusted friendships. It’s so important to have people you can deeply trust in your life, and to be a person who can be deeply trusted.

Today, day 24 of the 44 days of happiness, I dedicate to the joy and happiness found in dear friendships. They are such an important part of life.

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Pay attention!

Yesterday I was at the dentist getting my teeth cleaned. I loathe going to the dentist, but oh how I love the feeling of clean teeth!
While I was waiting I opened my kindle. I’m reading “You’ll See It When You Believe It” by Wayne Dyer. Hit the page turn and the next page was this:

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Which is exactly the phrase I blogged about I the other day the other day

It’s still knocking at my door. I’m paying attention.

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Positive Intentions with Pirate

I have been reading a lot lately about the power of positive intention and how what it can do in your life. I firmly believe that your thoughts and and feelings become your actions and create the life around you. It’s a harder pill to swallow when you realize that the life you have created isn’t the one you would have chosen had you realized you in fact were the one who was creating it, but it’s a wonderful feeling of freedom and personal power when you realize that the only one writing the story of your life is you and you can choose what’s going to be in that story.

I was walking this morning thinking of proofs in my life that I am able to create positive intentions. What have I truly believed I am capable of, have trusted in fully, and then allowed that process to manifest itself?

My thoughts turned to Pirate my awesome pony and all the amazing things that we were able to do together. People had little faith in us – I was inexperienced and he was a rebel ranch pony. Yet we would go out and jump the moon and compete in classes that we were told were way beyond this. How did we succeed? We both believed strongly that we could do it. And then we went and did it.

Years ago I competed in tetrathalon through my Pony Club. I loved it and although I wasn’t a very strong runner, I was pretty good and swimming and shooting and always was at the top in the riding portion. The reason for my success in the riding was because of the amazing partnership I had with my 14.2hh welsh/arab pony Pirate. He was one tough little dude who had no fear and really loved running and jumping. We worked well together and trusted each other in a full and complete way that does not happen with many relationships. To say I trusted him with my life is a literal statement. There were many times where we could have been in life or death wrecks and we trusted each other to work our way safely out of them.

The cross country course for tetrathalon had a 20 second window that you were supposed to finish in in order to not have any penalty points. People got their stop watches ready (this was the 80s – that was it for technology) and prepared and stressed about the window. I knew that there was no way I was ever going to be able to hold onto Pirate and fiddle with my watch at the same time, so the first time we competed I decided that Pirate and I had a really good cross country pace, that we always had a blast out on the course, and that we would just go and let it be.

Well, this decision lead to a clear round and a time right smack in the middle of that 20 second window. This was an amazing accomplishment we achieved every single time we competed in tetrathalon with one exception.

One year at Nationals we were flying around the course when suddenly Pirate ran out from a jump. It was one of the more “normal” jumps on the course and I couldn’t figure out what had set him off. We turned around and flew at it again and finished that course without any more hiccups. In fact – that course was one of the most amazing rides I ever had with him. And it was a huge example of our trust. One of the jumps was a wagon, and as he was landing he misstepped and landed face first. Both my feet touched ground on either side of him and I remember sitting there while he gathered his legs underneath him and he leaped up, galloping on like nothing had ever happened. The final jump was one that had been used in steeplechases and although we were only jumping 3’3″ with the brush it was well over 5′ (the horses were expected to drag their feet through the brush). We galloped up to it and finally got to the point where neither of us could see over to the other side of the jump. He went right up to it and then stopped. He stopped long enough that I had time to think, well I guess this is it – the jump was too high. Suddenly I felt a huge surge of power from underneath and next thing I knew we were flying through the air, clearing that jump like it was nothing.

We went through the finish and I found out that we not only had that refusal but also had a 20 second penalty. Later on one of the other parents came to the judges and showed them a video he had happened to be taking (and this was a huge coincidence because in 1987 people weren’t just standing around taking videos of everything). On the video you could see a small child run out in front of the jump we were heading towards. While I hadn’t seen him, Pirate obviously did and that was why he swerved away from the jump. The amount of time we were over the 20 second window was exactly as long as it had taken for us to turn around. So, had the child run-in not happened we would once again have had a perfect time.

I learned many things from this competition. One was that because I decided that Pirate and I were going to always be right in the 20 second window we were. I didn’t fuss or force it, I just knew that was our pace time and that was how we rolled so we would make it on time. I had the positive intention of being within the window and then just went and allowed it to happen. Another was that sometimes things don’t go according to plan (kid in front of jump) and that I would not have wanted to win at the expense of that kid’s safety – I was thankful Pirate made the decision of safety. Finally I learned how important it is to have a partner you trust fully to run with. Having someone who you know so well, trust so fully and enjoy so freely makes any experience one that is truly cherished.

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