I had my third healing light yoga therapy class this morning. Last week we did some work on the third chakra, and this week we started with the third and then did a little work with the fourth.  I’d been so focused in the past that my first and second needed balancing that I’d kind of ignored that my third one was also calling out for some attention. Or, perhaps since everything comes in its time – I needed to work to heal and support my root and sacral chakras so they would be strong enough to give support to that solar plexus area.

The third chakra – the area between your navel and your solar plexus (your middle back) – is pretty much the core of who you are. It relates to your true self, it’s your powerhouse, where you self-esteem lives. It’s where feelings get stuck, where you hold on to things, where your power lives.

Last week we were to take an image of a time when we felt safe, happy and supported and focus on that while we worked through our breathing sequences. Immediately in my mind came an image of me and Pirate galloping through the old homestead field. Sun shining down, birds flying around, quiet all around, Pirate and I thundering across the grass happy, free, safe, content. I didn’t have to force an image at all, this image and this feeling came immediately to me and I held onto it for a long time.

Pirate, my little ball of fire. As I was lying in my asana today I was again transported back to a time when I was flying across the countryside on Pirate’s back. It truly was a time when I felt supported, safe, happy, completely self confident, powerful- all those third chakra feelings. Coincidence that my little yellow palomino ball of fire was the same colour as that bright burning third chakra? I think not.

When I was with him I felt like I could take on the world. Not only did I feel confident in myself, but I felt safe and secure in a trusted partnership with him. I put my life in his hands every day and even though we did some insane things together (oh my how insane they were!!) we looked after each other, brought out the best in each other, and made each other strong and brave powerhouses.

When he died I had a pain in my middle back so bad that I couldn’t get out of bed for days. I didn’t know anything about the chakras then, but the core of who I was was grieving for him. Yesterday I woke up with that same pain in my back. The one that only comes in times of intense grief or intense stress. Obviously I am grieving, things are shifting, my body is remembering and letting go (and holding on). It’s good though to remember who I really am by remembering who I was.

Like me, he was a show pony who could get out and get dirty with the best of them:

Pirate and I (supervising) chasing cows

Pirate and I in the warm-up ring at Spruce Meadows in Calgary.

We all have this center of power inside of us. Mine got shut down for a while. I listened to the wrong people, carried those voices inside of me for a long, long time. It was really good to remember a time when I felt safe and strong and powerful.

My happiness moment on day 34 of the 44 days of happiness is in memory of Pirate Gold – my little yellow ball of fire. He was one of the most important relationships I have had in my life. We were together from the time I was 9 until he passed away when I was 35. He taught me how to love freely, live loudly, be brave, be afraid and do it anyway, be patient, sing from my soul (and sometimes be as stubborn and strong willed as hell). That all of our relationships should bring out the best in us like this one did.