happiness

Holding on and letting go

The theme of this week has been regaining my balance. In the ideal world regaining balance means that I get what I think will make me happy (and the sooner the better). This isn’t always the case though. What always does happen is I get realigned with what is best for my soul – which always leads to happiness in the long run. 

Getting into my balanced state means finding that line of what to hold onto and what to let go of. This the constant struggle of my life. Knowing when it is time to let go. Fortunately last year I had a lot of practice in the art of letting go and I’m much more aware of how the signs present themselves in my body. My body is pretty persistent in how it keeps sending signals until I pay attention to them.  And oh it feels good to honor that intuition. 

I used to struggle more with knowing when to hold on or let go because of my fears. In the last few years I have had to walk into every single one of my fears (except for clowns and mascots – I’m still scared shitless of them) and I have come out a better person for all of it. 

Thanks to the words of my smart friend Robyn, I’m no longer afraid to love with my whole heart. As she was processing the death of her mother last year, she  pointed out that to love someone means that you know for sure you will get hurt. Either your relationship ends or one of you dies. No matter what there is pain, but we need to do it anyway. I’m not afraid to be alone – thanks to Mr. X, I know it’s better to be alone than with someone and feel alone. I’m not afraid to start over anymore, and I’m no longer afraid of losing all I have. 

What I learned for absolute certain is that while I walk through my fears I have not been alone. I learned that every single time  I asked God for help He was there on the path to pick me up and guide me. No matter what kind of a brat I was being. 

There were several happiness moments today including listening to fiddlers  at the farmer’s  market, a movie, and supper with various members of my tribe. I had an awesome friend (and tribe member) point out to be how many amazing women are in my family. That built in tribe has always been such a blessing. 

But, for some reason Derek hanging in our yard brings me a ridiculous amount of happiness. He’s kind of become my extra, outside dog. I love how we attract in those who need love. 

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