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Girlfriend Power

I’m lucky that I come from a family full of girls. I have one (awesome) sister and a ton of girl cousins, so I always had a lot of girls around me to hang out with. I never really thought about how lucky I was to have this built in support system until I moved away from home and for the first time in my life had to start building my own support system from scratch.

In the past 9 years we have moved A LOT. We moved from Alberta to Quebec, Rhode Island (lived in two houses there just to make it more interesting), and now Roanoke – and we are ready to be on the move again. This makes it really difficult to be able to have the time and emotional energy to build up a good support system, but I truly believe it’s one of the most important things I can do.

A few years ago my cousin got married in Italy and I was lucky enough to have been able to fly there to celebrate with her. A big chunk of our large extended family actually was able to go and it was a really fun family time. But, there was one day that really sticks out for me. It wasn’t something that happened with my family, and it wasn’t one of the beautiful sightseeing trips we did. Rather, it was a rather common incident that could have happened anywhere. But it was an incident that made me really stop and think about things and realize “I want that“.

I was walking down a street in Gaeta when I came across two ladies who were in their late 70s or early 80s. They were holding onto each other’s arms and laughing so hard they couldn’t even walk straight on the path. Whatever they were doing they looked like wonderful lifelong friends who were out having a bliss-filled afternoon. I was mesmerized and realized that that was something that was really important to my life.

I actually then went on to have one of those moments with my cousin. We went out on our uncle’s boat and went for a swim in the sea. We were floating along side by side and laughing so hard both of us could barely breathe. We both have looked back on that afternoon as a time when we had wonderful belly laughs and played like children. These are the rare moments that are so important to hold onto.

Little did I know that not too long after that trip I was about to enter what I now consider to be my “dark night of the soul” years. Years when I could have really used some good girlfriends but for various reasons I wasn’t taking advantage of the built in support system I already had.

Fast forward through some really crappy times that included me realizing that in order to have these great friends I so desired, I had to learn how to be a good friend to others. Not as easy as it seemed -still working on it – but now it is a conscious goal of mine.

This summer I was able to go back home and spend a lot of time working on these relationships I’ve had my entire life. Relationships with some pretty fantastic women. Having lived a life where we have been so transient and it was so difficult to make connections made me appreciate it all the more. I spent a great deal of time with my sister and really got to see how she’s flourished as a mom. I spent time with my cousins renewing the ties and realizing that the bonds that we made in our childhood were still as strong. It was so good for my soul to be able to go for a walk with someone whom I knew had known me my entire life – knew my quirks, my humour, my life – and I knew them the same way.

These are the ladies I will be clutching onto when I’m 80 years old. Laughing while we stagger down the street. I firmly believe that the girlfriend friendships are among the most important relationships I will make in my life. I am dedicated now to focusing on building on the ones I already have and making new and wonderful ones.

I also have realized in fostering these friendships that I have other important female friendships in my life that are unique and blessed. I have a mother whom I know would move heaven and earth for me, who is strong and kind at the same time and whom I have learned so much from. I have a daughter who is also incredibly strong and kind and so often like me (a learning experience for both of us). I have aunts who are like extra moms and I know I could turn to them at any time (and I hope they feel the same about me).

The realization that there are these in my life who have complete unconditional love for me and for whom I have absolute unconditional love for is a real blessing. It’s so often easy to feel completely alone, like the struggles I have are mine to bear alone, like I have no one to share the daily joys with. But, it’s important to remember that this is not the case. There is this wonderful tribe of women at my back.

There are many things that will come and go in life, but those friends who know you inside and out, who love and accept you, and who you feel the same about – those are true gems.

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If you are what you eat… what are you?

I have a bad sweet tooth. Like if I could I would eat a lot more Nanaimo Bars and cupcakes – every day. But I can’t. I’ve got enough Kapha in my constitution that I don’t burn off those sweets and at the end of the day it makes me feel worse (both physically and mentally when my pants don’t fit anymore) so I try really, really hard to make better choices for me. Not always successfully, and I try to balance in some less sweet sweet treats to make it seem less painful.

I was reading my newsfeed on Facebook this afternoon (procrastinating doing some course work) when I came across this picture from Food Inc 

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This is a big part of the reason why I started studying Ayurveda. After spending most of my life having no idea how to properly feed myself or having any understanding of what food really does to my system I was starting to believe more and more that everything I ate, said, did, thought and believed was either creating health or dis-ease in my life. And I seemed to have a lot of dis-ease. Something about the lifestyle choices I was making was wrong and I knew I needed to make changes.

When I remember to be a mindful eater (something I’m really working on) and I sit down and give thanks for my food and then very consciously eat every bite with those words in mind it does seem much easier to make good food choices. Sometimes though, life gets stressful, busy, I get tired etc. and things don’t go the way I intend. Like when we are in line at Target and my daughter begs me for a little package of Goldfish (a banned substance in the house). I lecture her about how there’s nothing in them at all that’s going to help her grow a healthy body, and still sometimes give in and buy her the carton. I justify it by saying it’s a little snack size instead of the monster package but still… I do the same with myself at the bakery. I really want that cupcake. That cupcake is so tasty and yummy and will make me feel so good (for a hot minute). If I can take a step back and breathe into a conscious decision I can sometimes convince myself to step away – or at least to find someone to share it with so I’m not shoving the whole thing in my pie-hole.

They are such simple words, but so true. Everything we eat is either feeding a dis-ease or helping to fight one. The choice we make is completely up to us.

There is an Ayurvedic Proverb that says “When diet is wrong medicine is of no use. When diet is correct medicine is of no need.”

How powerful our food choices are. In our on the go – drive thru – convenience based society we seem to have completely forgotten how important it is the food choices we make. That we literally are what we eat.

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A Small Moment of Thanks

I was lying on my mat in reclining pigeon pose thinking how bloody much my hips hurt. I had a little pity party remembering a time a few years ago when I had finally got to the point that while I wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be, my body didn’t carry pain with it. Then things happened in my life and I walked away from my yoga mat. Fast forward to a year and half ago when I unrolled my mat again and I started over again as a stiff, cramped up ball of stress.

Today I moved from one asana to another and gradually felt some of the muscles start to give a little. When it was time to put my mat away for the morning I stood up and gave myself one good body stretch. It felt oh so good. I stopped and thought to myself how lucky I am to be able to do yoga every morning and how it has brought so much to my life. It not only is slowly but surely rebalancing and relaxing my body, but it also is rebalancing and relaxing my mind and soul. Along with my meditation practice it really has helped change my life. I am so grateful that I found this and have carved out the time for my daily bit of bliss.

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No Goo, No Goo Gone

The people who owned our house before us left it empty for a few years before it sold. One of the things that happened because of this was they used packing tape to winterize the toilets (taping them shut). The tape had been taken off before we bought the house, but I had never been able to get rid of all the reminants of the sticky tape.

I am not the world’s greatest housekeeper, but those streaks of tape even bugged me. I tried everything I knew of, even went so far as to go out and bought some “chemicals” to try. I am a green cleaner, but once in a while I break down and try something harsh from the store if I’m desperate. Usually afterwards I regret it as more often than not I’ve just gone and used a bunch of chemicals that have got me no further ahead.

Earlier today I was reading about a product called “Goo Gone”. How I’d never heard of this is beyond me – and should give you an indication of how little I know about the vast array of house cleaning products available out there. I was thinking I was going to have to give in and run to the store and get some to see if I could get any results with this stuff. Before I left though, I decided to do a search to see if I could DIY instead. Sure enough, there were a few options. I put together a blend of different suggestions and had HUGE success.

I used

1/3 cup coconut oil

1/3 cup baking soda

10 drops DoTerra lemon

10 drops DoTerra wild orange

Mixed them all up in a glass jar:

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Then I headed to the first bathroom to see if I would have any success. You can see the remains of the packing tape on the side of the toilet.

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A close up:

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I smeared some of the Non No Goo and left it a few minutes. Came back and rubbed a bit and sure enough it was all gone.

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Then I decided I would go to the kids’ bathroom which by far had the worst of the tape goo left. I let the solution sit for about 10 minutes

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I had to rub a little bit harder (still just with my fingers though)

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Et voilà!

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It all came off!

The fact that this is a non toxic solution that I was able to make with things I had in my kitchen was awesome. The cat was completely fascinated with what I was doing which made me even happier that I didn’t have to worry about her getting into a poisonous substance.

Try it!

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I Love You, Warts And All

Warts. Yuck. Gross. Who wants them? Although, unfortunately they are things that we sometimes just get. Last year I found a little bump on the bottom of my foot that I discovered was a plantar wart. I was annoyed and grossed out. I’d had so many issues with my poor feet the last thing I wanted to find was a wart growing on them. But there it was, making itself known.

The last warts I’d had (also on my poor feet) were when I was a teenager and I’d gone to the doctor and had them burnt off with liquid nitrogen. Owch. And not completely successful as I had to go back for another treatment. I decided to see what I could do myself to deal with this wart.

A little time on Google searching natural solutions to my problem led me to the tried and true cure-all of apple cider vinegar. Seriously, I think that stuff can solve almost every problem! A little ACV on a part of a cotton ball and then placed on my wart, covered with medical tape and then duck tape to hold it all together and I was good to go. I had to change it daily, but within a week the top part of the wart fell off, and a few days later the part growing inside my foot also fell out.  

A year and a half later and it’s never come back!

Over the summer Jenna showed me a nasty old big wart growing by her knee. I wish I’d taken a picture of it. Suffice it to say that it was big and gross. I showed her the ACV trick and after the first day she was able to put it all on her leg herself. It’s been a week now and the top part just fell off, so now we have to wait for the bottom part to come out.

How cool and easy is that? No having to run to the doctor and have the pain of dealing with the liquid nitrogen (although the ACV does tingle a little bit), and no cost! Most importantly, a natural solution to an issue. No side effects at all!

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Faith In The Kindness Of Strangers

Last week we made our long journey from Calgary to DC. We spent 2 wonderful months at home getting balanced, grounded and reminded of the people and places we love at home and with very teary eyes said goodbye to our loved ones until Christmas.

Normally customs stresses me out. Even though I’m never doing anything wrong, I always feel like they’re going to find out something terrible that I’ve done (and apparently forgotten about), much like how on the rare occasion when I get pulled over for speeding I’m always scared they’re going to find a body in the trunk. We all have our issues.

Customs sometimes can be a hassle for me though because I’m taking the kids by myself across the border and it’s only been this time that I actually had a proper letter of permission from my husband. I usually get questioned and reprimanded because I don’t have the letter (although this time I did and they didn’t want it either going in or leaving Canada – go figure).

I have found the perfect way for me to speed up our painful customs process. Apparently when you go up to the officer’s desk and he asks you for your paperwork, if you turn into a huge blubbering mess of tears it kind of freaks him out and he asks few questions and just stamps what needs done and sends you on your way. I don’t recommend it as it’s highly embarassing and causes plenty of stares from other people flying – but hey, sometimes it happens.

I was really impressed and thankful on both our flights at how kind some of the passengers were. Since we flew with 10,000 (or 5) suitcases and 3 carryon, one laptop roller, and one backpack I had a lot of stuff to deal with. On our way there I was lucky and they gate checked all our carry on except the laptop bag. On our way back I had to keep them all with me. Each time some kind person helped me throw up all the luggage in the overhead compartment and then helped me take it down again. I was so grateful as it made it so much easier for me to keep things organized.

All in all, I arrived in DC feeling a bit weepy but pretty good about the flights and thankful the kids had been so well behaved and so grateful the people around me had been so kind.

We walked down the hallway and went down the escalator and ended up at the landing to get on the train that takes you from one part of the airport to the next. Jenna was pulling her carryon and Jacob had his backpack and one carryon and I had another carryon and the laptop case. Jenna was in the lead and was happily chirping about how lucky it was that the train was still there. She was about 5 steps ahead of Jacob and I as she stepped onto the train and just as her carry on bumped onto the train the doors snapped shut. I realized in a split second that my baby was on a train in a city that we didn’t know, and that the train was leaving because there was no person driving the train. I was banging on the outside of the train, Jenna was bawling on the inside of the train, and the lady standing next to Jenna put her arm around her and mouthed to me “I’ll look after her.” And off the train went.

We got on the next train which was the longest 5 minutes of my life. I realized when we came to the first stop that the other people on the train were as worried as I was. All I heard was “she’s not here, she must be at the next stop.” About this time Jenna called me from the phone of the lady who said she would look after her for me and said they were waiting at the stop where you get your luggage. When we got to the second stop we all were looking on the left side of the train where there was no one and suddenly someone yelled “She’s on the other side! There she is!!!” And the whole train clapped and whooped and cheered. They parted to let me and Jacob run out and run we did. I grabbed her up in my arms and gave her the biggest hug and kiss ever. I hugged the lady who had cared for her and thanked her over and over and she said she has a son about Jenna’s age and she would hope someone would do the same for her if she was ever in that situation. Jenna and Jacob and I stood there and bawled and hugged for a good long time and finally were able to get ourselves together to leave the terminal and meet their dad, who we hadn’t seen all summer.

I am so incredibly thankful for the kindness of this stranger. She looked after my baby and kept her safe and gave her a small sense of security during an incredibly scary time. In a time where our media seems to spend so much time talking about all the bad folks out there, it’s important to stop and give thanks for the wonderful, kind, loving people who are out in the world doing small, unnoticed acts of kindness.

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Pay it Forward, Share the Love

This morning I ended up doing a walk by myself. For the past few weeks I have been walking with a friend which is lovely, but today she couldn’t come and I went to enjoy a walk along the river solo. I was walking over the bridge and saw a very happy looking lady walking towards me. It is normal for us walkers to give a smile and “good morning” as we pass each other and I was getting ready to do so to this happy lady when she stopped, looked at me and said “Melissa?” It was my Pastor, dressed in her workout clothes with headphones in happily bopping away to music on her morning walk. We stood and chatted a bit and then each carried on our way, both of us saying if we stopped too long we’d never get up the motivation to start again. 

I reached my halfway point and was on my way back when I saw her coming towards me again. I was glad because although we’d had a nice chat, I had been wanting to talk to her and had completely forgotten what I had wanted to say when I first saw her. (I’m not a morning person.) 

We both said how much we enjoyed our walk and how beautiful the day was, as she was turning to go I stopped her and said that I’d been wanting to talk to her, and had been meaning to drop in to the church to see her but never seemed to actually do it. I said that I wanted her to know what an important person she was to me and how much she’s helped me, balanced me, and taught me in the time I’ve been here. That I am so thankful that she is in my life and what a blessing getting to know her has been. She was full of emotion and gave me a big hug and thanked me for saying that, that it made her heart happy to hear it.

I left feeling very joyful that I had shared with her how I felt, and again very thankful that I did have her in my life. She is a lovely lady. I said about her yesterday that she is a Woman of God and would be one whether she was a Pastor or not. She lives by her morals. 

As proof that when you give out something to the Universe you get it back, when I got home I had a message from Jenna’s teacher. She left me a long text saying how much she loved having Jenna in her class, how she was just pure joy, kindness and happiness to teach and get to know, and how lucky she felt to have been able to spend the past year with Jenna. 

It was such an uplifting way to start the day. Everyone that I saw after that also seemed happy and joyful. Whether that was because I was in an elated state to notice it, or if the Happy Virus is spreading through town I will never know. But Today is a great day to pay it forward and share the love!

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Difficult life lessons

This morning after Jenna and I had dropped Jacob off at school (and she’d scooted as fast as she could into the front seat) we were driving down the road when two cardinals flew down in front of us. I was watching them play together, they looked like they were playing tag and just really having a wonderful morning flight. Suddenly they both swooped down a bit lower and while one flew right back up, the other was hit by a car going the other way. One moment there was a beautiful red bird flying and the next there was just a puff of red feathers falling to the ground.

It broke my heart to see something go from such joy to non-existence in a flash, but what made it worse (for me) was the little gasp I heard from beside me – followed by “Oh mommy. I wish I hadn’t been looking out the window just now.” And then she burst into tears.

Horrible. I had to think quickly of what to say to try and make things better. I knew it was going to be one of those “learning moments” and I wanted to choose my words wisely. I started by simply saying that I too had wished I hadn’t been looking out the window then, that I wished we hadn’t seen that. But I started thinking there is so much more to this lesson this poor bird gave us.

We said a little prayer for the life of the bird and then I started talking about how the bird is in heaven and how heaven is a beautiful and wonderful place. How we already knew other animals in heaven that would welcome that bird. That Kayla, Oscar, Jaime, Rolex and Pirate were there. I said Snowflake, my other ponies from my childhood, my old dog and cat Penny and Torts were there and that they’d all welcome a new bird. That God already had a place in heaven for all of us and that he was happy to have the bird back with him.

Jenna sobbed “but I bet God wasn’t planning on having that bird back with him today.”

I said that no, He probably hadn’t planned on having that bird back today, but no matter when it was anyone’s time to come back He always has a place waiting for us. But also to remember that life is short and every moment is important and you should always make choices that bring you closer to love.

Poor little girl went off to school all red eyed to write one of her big exams. It was not how I would have chosen to start the day for her, but I’m so glad that she has that caring and kind heart that loves all of God’s creatures.

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What are you thankful for today?

A moment of gratitude. I try to have at least one every day. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s really, really hard. Today my moment of gratitude is super easy. Today I am grateful for Dottie the Dotted Dog.

I have often wondered how I would react if I felt in danger – specifically if I felt threatened in my own home. I have wondered this more so since last winter when my ever-so-brave cousin ran outside barefoot in her nightgown to save her dog from being attacked from a cougar. Much as I measure cold water by being “creek cold” or not (our creek at home is fed by the Rocky Mountains and can cause numbing pain unless you are brave and prepared for the cold) I measure bravery in terms of “Cherie brave”.I’m pretty sure I’m not brave enough to run outside and chase down a cougar. But, I did discover today that I’m also not the run away, arms flailing, screaming for help type either.

I was downstairs enjoying a nice cup of tea before the kids came home and I heard the dog barking, feet moving and people talking upstairs. It was an hour before kid time, so I knew it was not one of them and I wasn’t expecting anyone. I went and stood at the foot of the stairs to get a better listen and sure enough there were people in the house. I could hear Dottie growling and someone saying “hi dog, nice dog”. I stood there looking at the door to outside wondering if I should just bolt out the door and call the police when I thought ‘no way. My dog is upstairs. I’m not leaving her here with intruders. I thundered up the stairs screaming “what the f**k are you doing in my house? My dog will attack you. Get out!!” I arrived upstairs to see 4 terrified people standing there, one of them stammering “I’m a realtor, I’m a realtor.”

Realtors are supposed to call and set things up. She swore she called our realtor but she didn’t. This woman just walked into our house (along with her clients). I yelled at them to get out of the house, it was not available to show right now and that they could call and set something up. I’ve never seen people run so fast out of a place!

I have never been so grateful for my Dotted Dog who stood at the entrance to the main part of the house growling at them. I have always felt she would protect us, but today I saw how right I was. Those people were lucky they weren’t really attacked (by her or me!) I was also glad to see that in a time of fear I was in fact able to act. Perhaps bolting out the basement door would have been smarter, but I am thankful that as much as Dottie wanted to protect me that I also wanted to protect her.

 

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Sometimes I get short with my Dotted Dog. She can be a maniac and takes a certain amount of understanding and patience. For example she got into the garbage 3 times last week (sigh). But, today was a good reminder that the pure, true love she has outshines anything else. I love her and I am so thankful for her.

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Living by your moral code

I know I have a big old pair of Mom-goggles when it comes to my kids. It’s hard not to when they’re such great little people, but I do try to see them as regular human beings with flaws like the rest of us ( they just fewer of them lol).

Actually, although I know I approach situations with the “mom-goggles” I do try and keep a balanced view of who they really are when they’re out there on society. I really do try to see them “as is”, warts and all.

But, I still hope that they’re going to be out there in the world treating people with kindness, love and respect. That they treat their neighbours as they would themselves and with that that they treat themselves with gentle, loving kindness.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to see Jacob live by his moral code. We were on a band field trip to Kings Dominion and I was the chaperone of his group which included 4 boys. They wanted to go play one of the games – the one where you have to sink a basket to win a basketball. I had told Jacob he could play one game and one game only. So we payed the hugely overinflated price of 5$ for two throws and off he went. He hit the rim both times but it failed to go in. Then he stood and watched the man next to him shoot. One of those balls hit the backboard and bounced right into Jacobs hands.

Jacob stood there for a couple of seconds and then a huge grin appeared on his face. He started doing pretend shots and one of his friends was egging him on to throw the ball.

I’m so glad I was standing a little off to the side and managed to retrain myself not to get involved because what happened next made me so proud.

He tried to hand he ball back to the guy running the game (who had very limited English). This guy thought it was Jacobs ball and was motioning for him to throw. Jacob tried again to hand it back and he guy again motioned to throw it. I saw Jacob hesitate, deciding what to do, and then turned and tried again to give it back saying it had just bounced to him and wasn’t his ball. The guy still didn’t understand and I came over and said “this was the other man’s ball and just bounced over here. He’s trying to do the right thing and give it back to you”. The man smiled and took the ball back.

It was something small, but he really wanted to win a ball and I was so incredibly proud that he chose to live by his moral code and do the right thing instead of giving into temptation.

Excellent moment

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