I’ve spent so much time being his broken object that I forgot I was His beloved child.
Last night my sister sent me YouTube link to the song Just Be Held by Casting Crowns and told me I needed to listen to it (lyrics are at the end of the post). She was right, I’ve been listening to it pretty much non stop since.
I’ve talked about how I was feeling overwhelmed. I also have talked about how I’ve finally let go of my fear. I kind of used my anger (and I’ve had a lot of it) to pull myself out of fear. But then I was left wondering what’s next? What will pull me out of anger?
I need to surrender to God. Much as I realized part way through the end of Dad’s journey that all I could do was love and surrender, in a different way it’s all I can do now.
I’ve spent too much time with my eyes on the storm and not enough time with my eyes on the cross.
I went out for my walk today and put my headphones on so I could listen to the song while I walked. I listened and prayed and cried as I travelled my beloved familiar path.
I kept hearing your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place.
This song brings me such comfort and makes me feel like I can begin to surrender some of my pain and uncertainty to God.
I stood for a long time looking at the mountains asking God what I should be doing. What is His plan? What action do I need to take?
I heard just be held, just be held, just be held
I stood there crying letting God hold and comfort me.
Then because God has a sense of humor the song suddenly switched to Baby’s going to cry by the Eurythmics. I tuned back in at the line:
Now there’s a cool breeze blowin’
Blowin’ out the flame
That used to burn inside me
At the mention of your name,
Now there’s a cool breeze blowin’
Blowin’ down the track –
That’s where I’m goin’
And I’m never comin’ back…
There is no going back. Even if there was I don’t want to. The things I’ve found out in the last couple of months (and trust me I’ve barely shared what I discovered) have let me know without a doubt it’s time to let go.
My happiness moment was standing by the slough looking at the swans and allowing myself to Just be held.
“Just Be Held”
Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on
And when you’re tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There’s freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go
So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm
You’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You’ll know I always have and I always will
And not a tear is wasted
In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands
So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you’ll find Me
And where you are, I’ll hold your heart
I’ll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who won’t let go
So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held (stop holding on and just be held)
Just be held, just be held, just be held, just be held