Time to give 

 I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed lately. I’m trying not to be, but I am. Then I think of what the last year has brought. A move home, time spent with my dad as he prepared for his death, intense grieving, being cut off my mr x, filing for divorce, discovering absolutely brutal lies and betrayals on the part of mr x, having to figure out at age 45 how to support me and the kids after being home for over 11 years, learning to recover from years spent with a narcissist. Throw in being a full time single parent, helping my kids through their intense emotional feelings about all of the same issues, and helping my mom out, and it’s no freaking wonder I’m overwhelmed. 

I was sitting quietly contemplating this feeling earlier today. What could I do to lessen the feeling of suffocating? Everywhere I turn there’s someone who needs me I thought, sometimes I just want to spend a day in my Pjamas and read a book. But that is not my life right now. 

Then I came across this quote 
“I can’t take it anymore”

“Then give”

Yes. That’s what I need to do. Give. Keep giving. Because that’s always easy to do when one is feeling overwhelmed. Sigh. 

Then as God does, He showed me what He meant. 

The joystick on mom’s chair broke today and I was trying to fix it. My mom has always been a huge support to me, but these last few months after mr x withdrew finances, she and my uncle and aunt have been what have prevented the kids and I from being destitute and homeless. She needed my help (and she’s overwhelmed too) so I gave it 

Then when my help proved to be futile I called the person we all call when we need help – my cousin. Another person who goes flat out around the clock. And without a second thought she was down helping me out (and by helping I mean she fixed it). 

Much as we are all overwhelmed and stressed out, that act of being able to give to someone – kindness, love, money, support- it makes you feel so much better.  Life lesson learned today. 

As an awesome happiness moment we had a community shower today. I am so blessed that I come from his huge tribe of people. It has been such a blessing to be brought back into the fold. The kind of happiness I’m finding now goes deep into the core of my soul. I have freed myself of the fear I lived in for so long and am able more and more every day to embrace the joy and bliss of the life I am living.   


10 thoughts on “Time to give 

    • I have a kick ass lawyer. It’s cost me thousands though to get him to finally provide below minimum child support. I go to court in a week to get an order for spousal support.
      He withdrew financial support by closing out our joint account while we were still married and telling me that I was no longer to expect anything in the future. That’s when I got the lawyer.
      Fortunately I have an awesome support system here. I’m so grateful we are home while this happened.

      • alice says:

        Is he out of his mind? How in the world does he think he can get away with that? How is he getting away with the minimum child support? What a piece of Blank your husband is.

      • It’s taking longer because he’s in the US and I’m in Canada. I have no idea what he’s thinking but from discovery it was pretty clear he was more interesting in impressing someone new than looking after his family.

  1. alice says:

    Sounds like your support system is fabulous. And you have much to be grateful for. I am certain they are grateful for you too.

    • The kids haven’t seen him since he came home for 3 days at my dads funeral the beginning of June last year. He lived 2.5 hours away from us in VA for work for a couple years before that and rarely came home

      I don’t think his family believes me. He’s telling a different story. But the truth always comes out. So we just keep marching ahead in faith.
      I do have a great support system here. I’m thankful for it every day

      • alice says:

        For your kids sake I hope your lawyer can bleed him dry. What an ass. Your kids are Beyond blessed to have you
        What is a community shower?

      • We live in a ranching community where everyone is either related or have known families for generations. It was a wedding shower for one of the girls. So I got to see lots of aunts and cousins. A great afternoon!

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