I had a gentle reminder tonight that I need to be paying better attention to the answers that I’m getting to my prayers. Last year as Dad was dying I finally understood that prayers were answered in a good way but not always in the way I wanted them to be. This seems to be a lesson I will need to learn a few times before it sticks.
I have prayed over and over for peace in certain areas of my life. There has been powerful movement and change towards that peace, but there are still a few ties lingering that hold me back from fully letting go. I was talking with him tonight about peace and what I want and what I need to let go of to have that happen (I love that we have these kinds of conversations. I have wanted someone to talk like this with my whole life).
As I was driving home I went over our conversation in my mind and felt a wave of peace come to me as part of my healing puzzle fell into place. I had been looking for a certain way to measure my strength, healing, and growth. I had a specific objective I wanted in order to gauge my success. I realized that in fact God has already shown me exactly what my strength is, He’s helped me heal, and I know just how much I’ve grown. So the fact that my measurable objective wasn’t there does not take away from the fact that what I was looking for has been with me all along.
I think one of my favourite things about conversations with him is that he can look at all of my feelings and then put them into thoughts. It amazes me how he can open his mouth and say to me the words I have been unable to find that describe exactly how I’m feeling.