happiness

Holding on and letting go Drishti style

Something I have been working on for years is finding the balance between holding on and letting go. Drishti decided I needed a lesson today on how it is important to know when to let go when what I want to do is hold on because of fear. I’m so tired of fear holding me back.

He’s 10 but he’s still green in most ways – he wasn’t broke until he was 7 and spent most of the last 3 years doing trail rids or chilling in the field so when I bought him last week I was all excited about the idea of me being able to teach him things. He’s teaching me so much more.

Something I really like about him is that he’s got lots of pep but barely any spook. Something I have discovered about myself is that I now spook at everything.

Is that going to hurt us? Will he freak out when the geese fly out of the slough? Will he lose his mind when we ride away from the other horses? What if he bolts and bucks?  And a million other things.

Drishti on the other hand just goes along chill as can be checking things out. What he really wants to do is just run and run and have fun. But I, of course, am all there are so many holes in this field. Mole hills everywhere. This is the same field I broke my nose in when I was a kid – wouldn’t it be ironic if I broke it again. What if he takes off and I can’t stop him?

So we are trotting along and I’m grabbing at his bit (holding on) and he’s wanting to move out more and have some fun (just let go). But I’m holding and holding and he’s being so patient but also kind of done with me. He starts slowly pushing his neck further and further out getting the reins longer and longer  (a very sneaky way of getting me to let go) all the while making his trot a little faster and somehow managing to do a trot/canter thinking I won’t notice what he’s doing until finally he’s just cantering.

And suddenly I realize that by letting go of those reins I was finding freedom and having fun.  We were racing across the field, something I have wanted to do for years. I’ve dreamed about it, prayed for it, and almost missed being able to do it today because I wasn’t going to let go. And yet I was still holding on enough that if I needed to I could slow us down, keep us safe.

The balance of holding on and letting go Drishti style. He’s awesome.

I love looking through these ears.

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