One of the biggest issues I struggle with is wanting God to shine a light on this path so I know where I’m going. More than at any other point in my life I feel that I’m on the right path, that God is guiding me and supporting me – and more than at any other point in my life I have no idea at all what is happening in my life. It’s weird to have both the feeling of complete certainty that I’m on the right path and have no idea at all where that path is leading.
I guess this is what faith is about.
And I can’t leave the path because every other direction is fear and I can’t go there. I need to follow my heart, listen to my guidance, seek my bliss.
But damn. Where am I going?
The struggle is real.
My Facebook memory popped up from a year ago today and it made me realize how far I’ve come in a year. Today a year ago we were still in that terrible, fear filled state where Mr. X had cut off finances and the court order for support hadn’t been put in place. I look back at how I was then and how much stronger, wiser, braver I am now and I realize how much I have traveled on that path of faith.
I went for a drive with my boy today and he shared some of his feelings of his growth over the last year. There has been a lot of pain, but has there ever been healing and growth. And knowing that we are deepening our faith, learning to love and trust, and finding freedom – that is happiness.