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Holy Cow!

When I was a little girl my grandpa used to take me around the ranch in his truck. I have fond memories of bouncing through the fields chattering away with him – laughing, singing, whistling. My mom says I thought that damngate was what all gates were called because of these rides. As fun as it was (and it was very fun), I also remember him warning me often and severely about how dangerous the cows were. I was little – like 5 or maybe 6 – and the regular cows were big, but the chianina’s they had were gigantic. The fear was real. I was terrified.

Sadly my grandpa died when I was 7, but I have tons of great memories of doing things with him (lucky me). However, one thing he didn’t do was reprogram me from my fear of cows. Still when I’m out walking and there’s a rogue cow on the road I’ll turn around and hustle myself back home as fast as I can. Even if they’re on the other side of the fence and they look at me funny I get a little giggly in the legs.

I have been lucky enough to have been invited out to “help” (and I use that term very loosely) chase cows on horseback which I enjoy. But, last summer my cousin invited me to “help” chase bulls and I have to say I was more than a little terrified. All was fine while I was just left to meander along through the field looking for flowers. But as soon as I was told to go get a bull and bring it back into the herd I was a total puddle of fear (after following the bull around for a while with him glaring at me and me pleading him to please stop being such a butt and just go back I was saved by one of the ranch hands who so easily brought him back).

Today I was out walking Dottie along the road. It’s calving season so the cows are up in the homestead field which is right beside where we walk. Across from this field is the slough where the swans are hanging out on a break from migrating north for the summer. I was stopped on the road to admire the swans when I felt Dottie push in between my legs and start to shake. I looked down and my little Dotted Dog was all puffed out like a porcupine. All of her hair on her body was standing straight up and she was shaking all over. I looked where she was looking and…. cows!!! Dottie saw her first cow and just about had a cow herself.

Finally she got a little braver and went across the road (on her leash) with just her hackles up to get a better look at them. Stopped, stared, ran back behind my legs. She did this a couple of times and then just ran/walked/glared at the cows until we were past the field

Fear of cows. It’s a real thing.

The swans were amazing this morning. Such beautiful birds. On my way back I was admiring them when a bald eagle flew over my head and up into the homestead field. Bliss. My moment of happiness today – swans, eagle, cows, and my dotted dog.

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happiness, walking

Melissa and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

This morning I woke up feeling like I was staring in my own version of Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Worst of all, nothing had really happened to put me in this mood. It was more the accumulation of a bunch of kind of icky feelings and yucky stresses that had been building up over the course of a few days and decided to make themselves really known today.

Interesting because normally Saturday is my favourite day of the week. We get to sleep in, we usually go downtown to the market (which I love), we get to hang out and relax. Knowing it’s the one day of the week where we don’t have to do anything,  I try to keep the day as stress free for us all as humanly possible.

But, today I woke up just as cranky as hell. Unfortunately (kidding) the kids didn’t wake up in horrible moods also so I knew if the entire house ended up being a black cloud of doom it would have come from me. There is nothing worse than someone sharing their black cloud of doom with you. They were all happy and bouncy. So, I tried to be happy and bouncy too. Fake it till you make it you could say.

Jenna said she didn’t want to go downtown and just wanted to rest and relax. I took advantage of that extra time and worked out on the elliptical (I’m watching original Melrose Place while I work out. It’s awesome!) and then did some yoga and meditated. Still cranky. Better, but still cranky.

Later on in the day I took advantage of the sunny 17 degree (Celsius) weather because the past week has been more like this:windchill

It was glorious on my path. It was filled with couples walking holding hands (I love all the older couples that walk this path holding hands, it warms my heart), families riding bikes, people rollerblading, and people walking dogs. I had invited the kids to join me but they politely informed me they would rather die.

I walked and walked, letting my brain start to unravel. This walk is the place where my brain lets go a bit and allows balance to come back. I started thinking about the things that were upsetting me. Some of them aren’t just little annoyances, they’re big freaking deals. But I tried to step out of myself and look at them. My intention for the year is the path of least resistance – which I am travelling on by allowing things to come, to happen – instead of white knuckling and trying to accomplish things by sheer force (which oddly enough hasn’t worked for me so far).

So, I picked out each of my issues and ran them through my mind and then said ‘ok, so what can I do to change the outcome of this issue?’ With every single issue the answer was nothing. A lot of the problems aren’t mine that I’m carrying. I’m making them my stress, but they aren’t mine to be able to deal with. There is nothing I can do to change the outcome of much of these issues, and no matter how much resistance, force and energy I pour into them – at the end of the day I’m going to just have to allow them to happen anyway.

Crap, this allowing things is harder than I thought.

Working it though made my body heave a huge sigh of relief though. There is nothing I can do to change these things. No action on my part is going to change any of the outcomes. So, by carrying them with me all I’m doing is creating an unnecessary stress which then will be my problem to deal with. But, created out of nothing.

So, I’m going to let that sh!t go.

Happy moment of the day – day 13 of 44 – happened walking on the path. Aside from just the sheer happiness it brought to my heart to see so many people out enjoying themselves, and the peace and joy it brought me being out in warm weather, there was an incident.  (no matter how this reads, the couple was happy and they were totally kidding around) A couple about my age was walking towards me holding hands having (I assume) just had some sort of disagreement. The man gestured towards Dottie and said “Can you get your dog to attack her (points to woman) right in here (points to throat)” he’s laughing – she’s laughing but has this horrified embarrassed look on her face like ‘honey I can’t believe you said that out loud to her’. I stopped, looked him dead in the eye and said “Sorry, but my dog is trained to only attack men, she’s smart that way.” The lady doubled over in laughter pointing at the man who gasped, giggled a bit and then grabbed his wife’s hand and dragged her away while she was still hooting and laughing. It was awesome.

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What are you thankful for today?

A moment of gratitude. I try to have at least one every day. Sometimes it’s easy, sometimes it’s really, really hard. Today my moment of gratitude is super easy. Today I am grateful for Dottie the Dotted Dog.

I have often wondered how I would react if I felt in danger – specifically if I felt threatened in my own home. I have wondered this more so since last winter when my ever-so-brave cousin ran outside barefoot in her nightgown to save her dog from being attacked from a cougar. Much as I measure cold water by being “creek cold” or not (our creek at home is fed by the Rocky Mountains and can cause numbing pain unless you are brave and prepared for the cold) I measure bravery in terms of “Cherie brave”.I’m pretty sure I’m not brave enough to run outside and chase down a cougar. But, I did discover today that I’m also not the run away, arms flailing, screaming for help type either.

I was downstairs enjoying a nice cup of tea before the kids came home and I heard the dog barking, feet moving and people talking upstairs. It was an hour before kid time, so I knew it was not one of them and I wasn’t expecting anyone. I went and stood at the foot of the stairs to get a better listen and sure enough there were people in the house. I could hear Dottie growling and someone saying “hi dog, nice dog”. I stood there looking at the door to outside wondering if I should just bolt out the door and call the police when I thought ‘no way. My dog is upstairs. I’m not leaving her here with intruders. I thundered up the stairs screaming “what the f**k are you doing in my house? My dog will attack you. Get out!!” I arrived upstairs to see 4 terrified people standing there, one of them stammering “I’m a realtor, I’m a realtor.”

Realtors are supposed to call and set things up. She swore she called our realtor but she didn’t. This woman just walked into our house (along with her clients). I yelled at them to get out of the house, it was not available to show right now and that they could call and set something up. I’ve never seen people run so fast out of a place!

I have never been so grateful for my Dotted Dog who stood at the entrance to the main part of the house growling at them. I have always felt she would protect us, but today I saw how right I was. Those people were lucky they weren’t really attacked (by her or me!) I was also glad to see that in a time of fear I was in fact able to act. Perhaps bolting out the basement door would have been smarter, but I am thankful that as much as Dottie wanted to protect me that I also wanted to protect her.

 

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Sometimes I get short with my Dotted Dog. She can be a maniac and takes a certain amount of understanding and patience. For example she got into the garbage 3 times last week (sigh). But, today was a good reminder that the pure, true love she has outshines anything else. I love her and I am so thankful for her.

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