happiness

The balance of life

Yesterday in the early hours of Christmas morning my godmother passed away. A blessing for her, but painful for those who remain here still holding love for her. Her husband passed away Christmas day almost 40 years ago, and while I’m sure God has some kind of reason for that, it’s difficult and painful for those left behind.

When I was a kid and watched Cinderella I was fascinated by the fairy godmother. To me, she was a totally believable character because aside from her lack of bippty boppity boo, my godmother was magical as well. To have this person in my life who thought I was amazing just because I was me was a pretty fantastic blessing. She was the kind of lady who would show up unexpectedly with pie at our house for tea, she had a grace and elegance that few can equal, and love and kindness in her heart that was a rare gift.

There’s something to losing a loved one on the day spent celebrating the birth of our Saviour that makes me really think about the balance of life and how things are constantly changing. Balance does not mean things stay the same in a comfortable state of consistency. Balance means that things are able to stay together even as life is shifting around us.

When I started seeking happiness almost 2 years ago I thought that I would reach a point where I would just be happy and that would naturally and easily be my default state. I for sure am a much happier person now, but it’s a matter of constantly shifting to balance the changes happening around and inside of me. In the 2 years since I started I have moved 2 thousand miles from Virginia to Alberta, I have lost my dad, I have discovered painful betrayals and begun a divorce, I have had heartbreaking struggles with my kids, I have lost three other (extended) family members. And yet, life is much happier. I know myself better, I am more at peace with who I am, I am more grateful and grounded. A lot of that is because I have fallen back in with my tribe, I have deepened my faith, and I am learning to believe in myself.

People talk about what a bad year 2016 was. For sure for me there was a massive shitstorm of emotion going on, but inside of that I have learned how to dig into the deepest parts of myself and really honour and appreciate who I am, regardless of how others see me. There have been massive losses both personally and globally, but I am so much stronger and more aware of how valuable my life is, how important my time is, and how amazing my tribe is.

My happiness moment… today that is easy. Boxing Day is my favourite day of the year. It was spent in PJs watching movies and then having a second Christmas feast. It was spent with my loved ones being quiet, reflecting, laughing, enjoying, loving.

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