Tears of sorrow, tears of joy

Today has been a crying kind of day. It started when I got home from dropping the kids at school and I thought It’s Valentine’s Day, I should go over and visit with mom – I know this day is hard on her and she misses dad.  Then I remembered and I went to bed for an hour and cried.

I kind of got my crap together for the rest of the day, but then I got the mail this evening. It was filled with sympathy cards and letters for my parents (both of them!) like they’re still alive and reading their mail. So then I cried again.

But it wasn’t all sadness. People are sending letters and emails and sharing their favourite memories of my parents with us. More than anything what stands out for me are the people who really, truly loved my parents. And they all say the same thing – they loved my parents because of how my parents loved and shared their lives with them. There’s a consistent theme too that these people love us and are holding us up as we cry.

I mean, really and truly, I expected to feel so alone in this, but everywhere I turn people are reaching out in love.

And so I go back to my thoughts on living a fear based or a love based life.

I’ve already seen what happens when I make decisions based in fear. It hasn’t worked so well for me.

I feel like we should watch Inside Out tonight and have a real emotion explosion. My soul sister watched it today – it’s a powerful movie and it reminds me of how sadness and joy need each other.


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