I am sitting in a sunbeam watching my boy play soccer – this is a new sport for him this year – contemplating my life.
When I started this happiness blog over 3 years ago, I was so completely unhappy. I was living in an unsafe marriage, scared for myself and my kids, thousands of miles from home, with no idea what was coming next.
Now the only part of my life that is the same is I don’t have any idea what is coming next.
I have however realized I have refined my search for happiness quite significantly.
I started by looking for happiness from the outside. I’d see Henry the Heron on a walk, the kids would say something funny, I’d visit with a friend, and I’d say that makes me happy. And that would be my happiness moment.
With the deaths of both my parents and a brutal divorce in these last three years, my concept of happiness has changed. I started to go inward and really began to understand happiness comes from within.
Since mom died and for the first time in years I’m not in crisis and trauma, I’ve realized I’m no longer seeking happiness as I first understood it.
Now I’m seeking peace.
Instead of fleeting moments of happiness here and there, I crave a life that is grounded in love, peace, bliss, and faith.
Seeking peace right now means I have to close the parts of my life that cause chaos. It means I have to embrace love no matter how scary that can be. I have to find forgiveness no matter how much I resist it.
The study of Ho’oponopono is helping me surrender and allow more peace into my life. Simple words, powerful results.