I think I really needed a few days of just being quiet.. no blogging.. not much doing besides what was essential to life.
I needed to reconnect with the Divine, I needed to rebalance myself, I needed to remember that things work so much better when I come from a place of love instead of a place of fear. How he treats me is his Karma, how I react is mine. All I can do is work on how I react to things – really how I act in general.
I get anxiety when what I say and what I do don’t line up with how I feel. I also get anxiety when I don’t feel safe. But I also am learning that a lot of that is based on memories, and I am not going to be defined by those memories.
So, I’m taking a deep breath, dusting myself off yet again, and moving ahead on this path. With one very dark exception I have a very blessed life. I am going to spend more time focused on letting that light shine in instead of letting the dark take over.
Again, it goes back to my desire now for peace over all else. I want a happy life of course, but more than anything I want a peaceful life – that source of joy is eternal.
I’ve learned a lot about myself and those close to me in the last few days. So much love, strength, and power exists here. Not only with those around me, but I’m starting to realize that I have a lot of inner strength too. The strength and courage I see in my kids is almost overwhelming. They are the brightest stars in my sky and I will keep doing whatever it takes to help them heal and learn to shine their own lights into the world.