happiness

Held together by duct tape

I’ve discovered that since the kids have gone back to school, I’ve gone back to crying in the car when I’m driving alone. It was pretty much how I spent 2015 after dad died, and I have to say I’m almost glad I’m processing mom’s death the same way finally. So much happened right after she died I had to put my grieving process on hold. Which was fine, but I do need to work through those feelings.

I was driving through town on my way to pick up the girl, still crying but trying desperately to stop. While I’m totally fine with my car crying grieving process, I’m not a huge fan of being the crazed bawling mama at school. As I was waiting for the lights to change I looked at the car across the intersection from me.

This car was a minivan, a little bit older but generally in good shape – except for the front. The entire front of the van was held together by huge strips of duct tape. Some of them looked like they were barely hanging on, others like they totally were keeping the car together.

I started laughing through my tears because omg, duct tape really does fix everything. The image of that car was enough to change my mood and I was smiling by the time I pulled into the school parking lot.

The girl and I spent most of the rest of the day driving around doing errands together. Teen life seems like it’s in constant change, but in this exact second it’s pretty good. It warmed my heart to see her smiling, and to share the deep conversations that we had while we laughed and sobbed together about the weirdness of life.

I am so grateful for this life.

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