happiness

Crying on horseback

I rode a different horse in my lesson today. This one was very similar in height to Drishti and apparently it brought out all the fears I had stuffed down inside.

When I got on I commented to my instructor that I was feeling a little nervous, but we kept going and I was fine. After about 15 minutes we stopped so she could explain something to me and I burst into tears. Not just a couple but a whole river leaked out.

And she said that makes perfect sense, you’ve experienced trauma. And I thought haha you have no idea

So finished crying and then kept riding. And I felt so much better.

Earlier today I was reading about grief and how you have to cry all the tears you need to before you can be done. If you have 24 tears to cry, then crying 17 isn’t enough

I have tears left to cry. So much changed so quickly. Dad died, I got divorced, the boy got sick, I fell off my horse and broke my shoulder, mom died, the girl got sick, I sold my horse. And in all that we were still processing the trauma from Mr. X.

Ignoring the feelings isn’t the solution. Feeling the feelings and allowing them to move through and release – that’s the solution.

How you do one thing is how you do everything. Horses have always been my spiritual healer.

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