I was having some serious issues with god today – to be honest I’ve been having them for a little while now.
I’ve been feeling a lot of that’s not fair, and why are you shitting all over my life, and seriously???????
Mostly I’m just tired and overwhelmed. To say there’s a lot of crap going on is an understatement. And to put the icing on he cake I got my lawyer bill today. Another month where I have spent money fighting because he refuses to follow the court order. I often feel like as soon as I decided I would ask God for help and admit I couldn’t do it myself he took a wrecking ball to my life and just keeps hammering away.
I got a call from school that the girl was sick and I had to go get her and take her to urgent care.
I was driving on the back road and swearing at God when I flew by one of the sloughs. I happened to look over and saw 4 swans peacefully floating on it. Something inside me snapped and I pulled off to the side and took a small moment of peaceful gratitude.
It helped ground me a little and reminded me that God is everywhere. I had a couple of conversations with dear ones whose lives are also in the shitter. It reminded me that I’m not the center of the universe and that faith is all I have.
So I went out and hugged my horse. He is proof that miracles happen.
And I stood and watched the sunset – first the glow to the east and then over the mountains to the west – and that was happiness.
To the east