happiness

Walk by faith

I keep asking God to shine light on the path I’m on so I can see where I’m going. I often forget that my walk is one of faith and that I need to rely on that and not on what I can see. I can’t see the big picture from where I’m at, but I have faith that He does – even if it doesn’t make sense and I get angry and yell a little bit.

I had an epiphany today as I was doing a tapping session. We were talking about being loved and being lovable and recalling times when we felt like we weren’t being loved or valued by someone in our lives who we felt should be loving us. Basically the lesson was that we are all worthy of love because we are lights of the Divine.

It got me thinking of the pain that comes with the rejection of love. I know I write a lot on here about the pain and suffering financially that my divorce has caused, I don’t talk as much about the pain and suffering on our hearts that this divorce has caused. I not only lost the person who was supposed to be my life partner, but my kids lost their dad. I mean, we all lost him years before I filed for divorce, but that’s what the divorce symbolizes on the deepest level. The result of being or feeling unloved. It hurt me that for years I was told I was unlovable and not worthy of love. It devastates me to see my children experience the same feeling. It hurts to be told you’re not worthy of love by someone you love.

And yet, sometimes that happens. Sometimes the fairy tale doesn’t happen. Sometimes the person who was supposed to love you is the person who hurts you the most. Even if it’s not complete destruction like in my case, we all hurt each other because we are human and we are flawed.

For years I was left feeling unlovable, unloved, unworthy – as were my kids. Financial struggles aside, this has been the hardest part of the family coming undone. And one of the most important things  has been us discovering, learning, training ourselves to believe, that we are worthy of love. All of us are. We are because it’s our birthright. We are all beloved children of God.

We are all worthy of love. Asrael asked me yesterday how deep does love go?

It must go to infinity (and beyond haha).

These kinds of moments bring me deep happiness because I can feel in my soul I’m one step closer to getting it. As a bonus happiness moment, we drove around and looked at Christmas lights while listening to Bob and Doug Mackenzie and laughing loudly. It was a great moment of joy and happiness. I love this time of the year.

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5 thoughts on “Walk by faith

  1. Moi says:

    When one is treated with derision by a loved one it is emotional abuse.
    Abandoning a child is evil. It happened in my family.
    Explain to your children that some people cannot love and should be pitied.

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