Voted player of the game

My boy is playing soccer again – for the first time since he was a little. He’s second string goalie, but today the first string was absent- so he was goalie the entire game.

They lost, but man can my kid play! It was awesome to see how many blocks he made. At the end of the game, the other team voted him player of the game. He was flying high on that the whole way home.

There are always good moments of happiness, even when life is bumpy


Equine therapy

Mr. X has threatened to report me to social services as he feels “it is the only route he has to ensure the safety and protection of his children.” Apparently in the middle of this crisis we are in attacking my parenting is the most appropriate route.

The only response I had to that was to just carry on with life. I am doing the best I can – so are the kids. What else can I do?

Churchill said the outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man, and I have always believed horses have incredible healing abilities.

I took the girl out to play with Drishti this afternoon. The difference in her before and after horse time was like night and day. She laughed, smiled, relaxed, and loved on him.


The choice

I woke up this morning tired after a difficult night with a sick kid. I sent Mr. X an email letting him know what was up, and the response I got essentially was a reminder he thinks I’m a bad mom and a useless waste of space. Lovely to hear on Mother’s Day, my first one without my mom, considering I raise the kids alone.

But then the kids got up and gave me their beautiful homemade presents, we talked about our cousin’s Mother’s Day supper, and headed to church. The sermon was on being the man of her dreams, and he spoke of how a woman should feel safe and heard and loved.

And I got to thinking – I have to choose right now how the day goes. I can focus on Mr. X – who was trying to gaslight and engage me in an argument – or I can focus on the love I have in my life.

The kids and I spent the afternoon in the garden, planning where things will go, chasing the dog, laughing, having a quick nap- and then we went to my cousin’s for supper. We sat at the table and told old stories and laughed and discussed current issues.

This tribe of mine is amazing. I feel so full of love and happiness.

Love wins.


On the eve of my first Mother’s Day without my mom

This is a hard weekend. I know I’ll get through it because I got through the first Father’s Day without my dad, my kids have done years of Father’s Day’s workout their dad, this too shall pass.

But it’s hard not to miss her on a weekend dedicated to mothers.

Lots of people stepped in to help me and the kids when our lives fell apart – but leading that charge was my mom. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. She helped me stand up to Mr. X, not just emotionally but financially as well. We held each other up after my dad died and we were both trying to adjust to a new kind of normal.

The boy, the Bear, and I went for a walk in town today while the girl played ball. Right where our creek meets the Bow, there were a ton of crocuses – I needed to see those today

Life goes on, life is sticky and complicated, but our lives are also full of love. The love will get us through.


Cut the chaos

I was feeling a lot of anxiety and like I was totally overwhelmed today. There’s a lob going on, a lot that has gone on.

I decided instead of pushing thorough I’d reset myself instead – so I grabbed a book and sat in grandma’s kitchen and read for an hour or so. It’s amazing how that small act brought peace and balance back to my soul.

I love that kitchen