happiness

The mountain of laundry

We attacked the house today – specifically the mountain of laundry, but also the mountain of pet hair (it’s a thing) and the mountain of junk.

Step by step we are getting sorted and organized in this house. It’s been a challenge, moving into a house that has had generations living in it before. There’s lots of stuff, but what makes it slow is the memories. It’s easy to get lost in the memories as we sort through things. Fortunately it’s mostly good memories (mixed with sad missing people emotions) and it’s been fun to share with my kids memories of my grandparents and of their grandparents.

We are so blessed to be here.

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happiness

Everybody’s out

Tonight for the first time in forever we all had plans with friends and went our separate ways

I’m grateful for the closeness we share, but I’m happy they have friends they want to go hang with too. I feel often like all we have been through in the last few years has prevented them from being “normal” teenagers. And maybe that’s a good thing. But I’m happy they’re doing regular teen things now too.

And I’m also grateful for a parenting free night.

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happiness

Out of my comfort zone

I had my riding lesson today – which really is my therapy session.

It’s coming, but I feel like as soon as I get my hands where they need to be, and my elbows at my sides, my knees move, or I lose my balance, or I’m posting on the wrong diagonal (happened today, I was embarrassed).

My horse was farting around and I didn’t get after him for it, so my instructor got after me. Then she said she was working hard to push me out of my comfort zone, because I was so resistant to it.

Ughhhh

That’s the story of my life lately. For years I’ve prayed to be home, grounded, safe, happy. And for years there has been a crisis or trauma of some sort.

So I’m tired. I’m happy to sit quietly in my comfort zone and not make waves. I enjoy being invisible and just taking a few breaths.

But that isn’t life, and it certainly isn’t the way to grow and heal. And I need to continue with my growth and my healing.

Which means I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone.

Not suddenly, not dramatically, but quietly and lovingly. It doesn’t have to be leaps and bounds, but rather consistent, steady steps towards my goals.

It’s the best therapy I could ask for.

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happiness

Held in love

The boy was saying today how much he misses my mom. He said sometimes he has to try and explain to his friends how close they were – and I remind him that it’s not common anymore for kids to be so close to their grandparents.

For me, it seems totally natural. I was close with my grandma, even in my 20s I would usually come home for Sunday night supper with my parents, and I am trying my best to keep the closeness of family with my own children.

I came across this image today and it reminded me how even though some of our loved ones may be gone, they haven’t left us.

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happiness

How to Train Your Dragon

We took advantage of cheap movie night and saw the latest How to Train Your Dragon movie, and it didn’t disappoint.

The girl said the original was one of her favorite childhood movies – and I reminded her that one of my childhood friends bought it when she was visiting us in Rhode Island so that we could have some peace and quiet to visit on a long car trip.

They’re such cute movies and we all get pretty into the idea that we could fly around on pet dragons.

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happiness

Section 7

I finally got a bunch of my section 7 expenses filed. It’s not fun, it is time consuming, and it’s frustrating to feel that I’m filing more expenses that he will refuse to pay. But I’ve got it done.

I wish this part was easier, but we are so much safer and happier, that I figure it’s the price of freedom.

So today I feel a sense of relief and joy that I know I’ve done my part. That’s all I can do.

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