happiness

Love flowers 

After another restless night, I actually fell into a deep sleep near the wee hours. I was puttering around, drinking my tea this morning when my cousin called and asked how the kids were doing.

Apparently, I’m fine when people ask how I am doing because aside from some fear and mental grief I am fine. But, when they ask how the kids are, I completely fall apart. I burst into tears over the phone and couldn’t stop. That was probably a good thing as it’s the first time I’ve actually cried about all that’s going on. I feel like I spent so much time crying over Dad dying last year that I didn’t want to spend more tears on Mr. X, who does not deserve them, but there they were.

And, actually the tears are not about Mr. X at all, the tears are about the huge amount of loss I feel for my children. The difference between how I look back on my father and how they will look back on theirs couldn’t be further apart. I’m trying so hard to keep them out of all this trauma, and yet they know more than they should just by virtue of him refusing to provide enough support for his family to have a chance to start over. The kids are unfortunately now aware that there is a present struggle even to have the most basic of needs met, and they know the reason why. I wish they didn’t.

My cousin heard me crying over the phone as she was driving into town to go to work. She said “hang on, I’m not that far away, I’m turning around and I’ve got something for you”. She showed up at my house with this:

I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it involved the flowers being beautiful and alive and smelling good, and that I was all of that too (the way she said it was so touching and I can’t remember it).

Edited note. She texted me again what she said to me at home: And for the record: you are beautiful, colourful, vibrant and add a sweetness to the room you are in. Everyone should have someone like this in their lives 

These loving flowers are sitting beside me today as I get some work done. I am so humbled by the outpouring of love and support I have received from my people. I had a message last night from a dear friend since high school. This woman was a single parent to her daughter from day one and has done such an amazing job of raising a beautiful young woman. She’s the person I go to when I set the standard for how I want to lead my family into our future.

I have realized that all of this that is going on is not my hell. I didn’t create this. This is a reflection of his reality not mine.

My reality is living here in this house that I adore with the people I love, safely back with my family, in the place I love most in the world. I’m doing exactly what makes my soul sing in looking after my family. I am so incredibly thankful that this is my life.

*I’ve got another happiness moment coming up tonight… a pre-planned one.*

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It’s who you are

I love it when my kids are faced with challenges that give them the opportunity to show who they really are. Both of my kids have a good, strong, honest, solid, character. I’m not just saying this because I wear mom goggles (although I freely admit that I do), but because time and time again when they face obstacles they overcome them with honesty and grace. I’m a better person because they are in my life. 

Jacob had two such opportunities today. He was in a group of boys on Monday who were goofing around in class and were supposed to come in today for lunch detention. Jacob has already told me about it, he knew he shouldn’t have been doing it – but sometimes these things happen and all we can do is go and make it right. 

Jacob and one other boy were the only ones out of the group who showed up today and took their punishment. Because of this, the teacher let them talk quietly and then let them go after lunch. She thanked them for their honesty in showing up. 

I told Jacob how proud I was that he’d gone and taken the punishment. It let the teacher know what kind of person he is. She now  knows that while he is a teen and sometimes gets to talking too much, he’s also honest and reliable. 

His second incident today was with a peer. 

Jacob keeps his hair trimmed very short – he alway has – and it looks good on him. It’s neat, tidy, and easy to care for. Some kid has decided to mock him for this look and call him Caillou (only in Canada would he be teased by being called Caillou). It’s been going on for a little while, and although Jacob generally ignores the kid, it does bother him. 

Today the kid came up and started calling him Caillou again and then started humming  the theme song  – worst song ever for being an ear worm by the way. Jacob said he looked the kid dead on and then started bouncing in time to the music singing Caillou c’est moi, je suis Caillou. He said it shocked the kid so badly he didn’t know what to say and just turned and walked away. 

So proud of him. He was in a situation that could have led to a big confrontation and instead he turned the other cheek. By remaining passive and not playing into the teasing, yet at the same time standing up for himself he diffused the entire situation. 

This is a great example of the character of my kid. This is who he is at the core of his being and I couldn’t be prouder that when it matters these are the character traits he draws from. 

Today my happiness moment is being shown what a kind, honest, respectful, happy kid I have. I’m lucky to have him  call me mom. 

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Doing the right thing. 

My happiness moment was this evening in Cochrane with the kids. We were in the parking lot and Jacob came to me and said we needed to go to the TD Bank. Since we don’t bank there I had no idea what he was talking about and said as much. 

He showed me someone’s bank card that he had found on the ground behind our car. He was insistent that it be returned safely to the bank for the owner to be notified. He took it over himself, explained what had happened and turned the card in. 

When he got back in the car he smiled and said that feels so good, having done the right thing and helped that person out. I bet they’ll be really upset that it’s lost and then relieved that the bank has it. What if they’d just deposited 10 million dollars and then they’d lost it?

Watching him know what the right thing to do is and act on it was a happiness moment and a proud parent moment. 

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